What I Call Life
by warblerslushie
Summary: Kurt broke off the engagement and left Blaine. Three years later, Kurt's at a strip club for his bachelor party and sees Blaine working. Blaine's been working there and enduring uncomfortable glances and touches for a year to make sure that his son was properly cared for. MPREG. Based on a tumblr prompt from blangstpromptoftheday.
1. Chapter 1

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) The lyrics at the beginning of this are from the song _What Would You Do_ by City High. It's a good song; you should listen to it. By the way, I don't have rights to that either and I am not affiliated with the band or anything related to them. I just like the song. Anyway, I own nothing!**

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_What would you do if your son was at home,  
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor 'cause he's hungry.  
And the only way to feed him is to sleep with a man for a little bit of money.  
And his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now.  
In and out of lock down. I ain't got a job now.  
So for you this is just a good time, but for me this is what I call life. _

Kurt scrunched his nose and gave his fiance a strange look, causing Blaine to pause the song in the middle of it playing before he set the now silent ipod back down on the floor between them. "What?"

"What kind of song is that anyway? I think I heard it once as a child, but honestly... what is it even?"

"It's a song about struggle. Didn't you hear the lyrics?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I heard them. The mom's single and she's a prostitute and that's what I got from that." Beside him, Blaine frowned, pushing himself up on his elbows to stare harder at the boy laying next to him. For a few moments, he watched Kurt seriously, his own eyes rolling before he settled back down flat on his belly.

"If you'd let me finish the song, you'd understand the whole thing. It's actually pretty sad when you think about it - that people actually have to do that to take care of their families."

"There's jobs at McDonalds," Kurt said plainly, smirking until Blaine glared at him. "What? There's tons of jobs out there. Remember when I didn't make it into NYADA and I worked at the Lima Bean? That place wasn't the only job offer I had. Remember, Mickey D's and a whole bunch of fast food places called me about possible jobs but I gave them up because... you know, the grease and everything-"

"But jobs like that barely pay minimum wage and if you have a child, it's difficult to pay rent, raise your kids, and provide for them as well as yourself on just seven dollars an hour. I guess I... I guess I just understand what they're saying, you know? Not that I've ever been an exotic dancer," he quickly added, chuckling when Kurt snorted. "But you have to do what you have to do. I get it."

"Well, good for you, I guess. I just... you know how I feel about porn? This is just another one of those things. Like, why would you do that? ...I don't know; it weirds me out. You understand what I mean, right?"

Blaine nodded, dropping his gaze to the floor as he studied the wooden boards beneath his arms. Deep down, he wanted to argue with Kurt a little, but after the last few weeks of arguments they had, he wasn't about to plow through their already shaky ground and cause yet another earthquake that could ultimately break them. Sighing, he reached out and grabbed up his discarded pencil, silently chewing on his lower lip as Kurt began to skim through his ipod for another (_better_) song to play that they could study with.

::::::::::

"So you think it's okay to just _lie_ to me?! Really?"

"Kurt, you know I didn't mean it. I didn't want you to get hurt-"

"Sure! Because finding out from the freaking NYADA gossip mill that June Dolloway hates your guts and that your fiance is possibly going to break-up with you to further his career in showbiz is the best damn thing to hear first thing in the morning!" Kurt was _raging_, lips curled up in a snarl as he angrily paced the empty classroom. Blaine stood across from him, arms crossed over his chest as he sadly took in his fiance's fiery demeanor. Kurt was _pissed_ and he had good reason to be; Blaine had stretched the truth for weeks, played along with the original lie he fed the love of his life until it finally snapped and came back and hit him. The part that Kurt supposedly was going to have in the June Dolloway showcase didn't even exist; June really _hated_ Kurt and she harped about him anytime Blaine mentioned his fiance, but no matter what, Blaine did his best to fight for Kurt. He would turn the other cheek to June's harsh words, throwing out all of the things he loved about his fiance, but the socialite wouldn't even bat an eye at his insistence. Earlier that morning, she told him to just _stop asking_ about Kurt being in the show and when she finally stamped her foot down, Blaine did too.

He quit the show... and he came to meet up with Kurt at NYADA to let him know. Of course, life had other plans and now he was getting yelled at. But, he'd let Kurt have his moment, let him get it all out, and then he could explain _everything_. Then they'd feel better, they'd _be_ better.

However, Blaine was _not_ expecting Kurt to do what he did next.

"You know what? I'm so... ugh, I'm so _tired_ of this, Blaine! I'm tired of playing second fiddle to you all the damn time. I'm tired of you hogging the spotlight and making everything about you! This relationship consists of _two_ people who are supposed to love and protect and support each other and all you've been doing is pulling me down! You tried to sabotage my weight, you tried to-"

The list just kept on going and all Blaine could do was repeat the word _no_ over and over and over again. Because what Kurt was saying? It was all untrue. Yeah, he had his moments and he wasn't the best boyfriend/fiance/lover in the world, but god did he try so fucking hard. There was no one else in the world than Kurt who deserved success and while it really looked (to Kurt) like Blaine was taking that away from him, that wasn't what happened. Or _was _happening.

And, god, what was happening at that moment?

_Oh_. The dull thud of something metallic smacked him in the shoulder then fell to the floor with a clink and Blaine glanced up, eyes wide and full of tears as he finally came back to find Kurt staring at him, ring finger bare with only the indent of where his engagement ring once rested. "Kurt?"

"This engagement was a mistake."

"What? Honey, no-"

"I thought I was ready to do this again... and I was wrong. God, Blaine, I just... I can't. I'm sorry." Tears falling, Kurt spun on his heel and began walking towards the exit, arms crossed tightly over his hitching chest. He was barely keeping it together, whimpering and the like as he walked further and further away from Blaine and before Blaine could even form a response, the other boy spoke again. "Whatever's left of yours at the loft, please come get it. Then just... get out."

"Kurt, no, please!"

"No more, Blaine. No more. I can't deal with this any longer." Before any other words (pleas, begs for forgiveness, whatever) could be spoken, Kurt broke off in a run, sprinting out of the building and leaving Blaine behind. Within seconds, loud, broken sobs ripped out of Blaine's throat and he collapsed to the floor, fingers scrambling to pick up the ring that lay tossed away on the floor. He was barely able to pick it up, his hands were shaking _so_ bad, but once it was in his grasp, he held it against his chest and began crying hard, wailing into the silence of a building that would only continue to remind him of what he lost.

::::::::::

After the incident at NYADA, Kurt wouldn't even speak to Blaine, not one single word. Rachel and Santana, though they were both exceptionally busy themselves, acted as his bodyguards so to speak. Whenever Blaine came around in the weeks following the break-up, they shooed him away. His stuff had already been packed up and sitting outside of the loft door the first night he stopped by and after that, he tried his hardest to just see Kurt and _explain_, but it was to no avail.

Even at school, things changed. They no longer shared classes since Blaine had swapped out all of his courses months ago to give Kurt some breathing space, and after the fight, Kurt made sure that he was out of sight (but not out of mind) when it came to being anywhere near Blaine. The rumor mill at the school ran wild with the news of the couple's break up but despite the whole infatuation with the saga that was Kurt and Blaine, not one person spoke a word of Blaine's broken _relationship_ with star-maker June Dolloway. For the longest, Blaine hoped that Kurt would at least hear that tidbit of information; maybe his ex would find out that Blaine quit for _him_ and he'd take him back and they could finally talk. But alas, the things he dreamed of didn't happen and before he knew it, he had Mercedes on his ass about hurting Kurt again. Sam stayed neutral, though he did want to know what happened and when Blaine couldn't explain it (because he didn't know either), Sam just shrugged and said he hated to see them part.

Of course, when another week went by and Blaine started noticing Sam distancing himself from their friendship and hanging out more with Mercedes (because the love of his life would always come before his best friend, _duh_), he knew things weren't going to change. He'd lost Kurt, he lost his friends, and... god, he basically lost everything.

_That's_ what led him back to June.

:::::::::::

Begging wasn't his strong point. Or at least he thought it wasn't. Others begged to differ.

But when it came to something like wooing and apologizing to one of NYC's biggest socialites, Blaine failed every single time. June brushed him off with a flick of the wrist, calling him a _stupid lovesick puppy_ for thinking that things were going to work with Kurt. She too had heard of the break-up and seeing Blaine in her presence asking for another chance just infuriated her, so she turned him away. She had other stars to find, produce, and send out into the world. Blaine had his chance and he blew it for puppy love.

He had many chances and he _always_ fucked them up.

::::::::::

It was only after a night spent sobbing in his bedroom at what he and his used-to-be friends dubbed the _Blamcedes_ apartment that Blaine finally broke down. His entire soul was shattered. He had nothing going for him. Not being a part of one of the most admired couples at the school left him to be fodder/prey for the vultures and they tore him apart, whispering in his ear about Kurt and the plethora of new _hotter_ boyfriends he could have from all over the city. _It was a good thing they broke up then, right? Kurt was bound to find a new plaything soon anyway; one that was much, much hotter than his old one... and not as fat._

The words ripped through his soul, leaving scars all over him, sending him back into that nasty headspace that he had just weeks before about his body and the way it looked. Despite the exercise regimen that he and Kurt had before the break-up (or the fact that he'd barely eaten at all following), he was still pudgy around the waist and his stomach felt like it was always growing no matter what he did. Someday he'd be as big as a house and everyone who he once thought of as a friend would point and laugh at him, make fun of him for letting himself go.

He wouldn't be able to handle it.

Scrubbing the tears off of his cheeks with one hand, he clutched his phone in the other and pressed the contact info for his big brother, immediately sobbing into the phone when Cooper's voice answered.

"Squirt, is that you? Long time no talk baby bro-"

"_Cooper,_ I need help."

::::::::::

Within hours, he was packing up his stuff and leaving, sneaking out into the night while Sam and Mercedes were off at the loft having dinner with everyone else while he spent his usual time _alone_ at their apartment. The month since Kurt broke up with him had been a rough one and after being excluded and ignored one too many times, he was finally giving everyone what they wanted. He was going to get the hell out of their hair.

Huffing, he dragged all of his bags out into the hallway and peeked out the window, sighing shakily when he spotted the car that Cooper said would be waiting outside for him. It was one of his brother's friends from the many credit commercials he did. Supposedly this guy was a pretty decent dude and he'd be the one helping Blaine get the fuck out of the apartment. So, unlocking the door, he waved the man in, trying his hardest not to break down when the guy smiled sadly at him and began taking boxes out to the car.

"I'll take the heavy stuff and you get bring out the little ones," the man said over his shoulder, carefully walking towards the waiting vehicle. Blaine looked back at the packages behind him and rolled his eyes, wiggling his bruised knuckles before he went to gather up a large, taped up box. The person helping him move might've been Cooper's friend, but just because Blaine looked like shit and looked like he beat the hell out of someone (he didn't - just a punch bag _several_ times over the last few weeks), it didn't mean he couldn't carry his share of the weight. "Hey, what are you doing?" The stranger interrupted behind him.

"Carrying a box," Blaine hissed, squatting to pick up the container he originally planned on getting. He froze however when the guy across from him said, "You're not supposed to lift heavy objects in your condition."

"In my _what_?"

"Aren't you pregnant? I thought you were- oh, shit. I'm sorry. I just stuck my big ass foot in my fucking mouth, didn't I? I didn't mean to offend you, bro. I just saw your belly and thought-"

Any other words he said flew past Blaine and bounced off the walls. All the teen could hear was a buzzing static and his eyes were frozen on the slightly there swell of his stomach, on the swell that just never went away no matter how much dieting or exercising he did. Now that he observed it further it _did_ look strange to him. Strange like a baby bump and... _oh shit_.

Quivering, he placed a hand on his stomach and looked up at Cooper's friend, tears in his eyes. "I didn't know. I didn't. Oh god... I think I am," was all he could manage before he angrily turned away and walked back towards his (former) bedroom. His phone and messenger bag were still on the mattress and before he could chicken out, he dialed Kurt's number, waiting for his ex to just pick up the phone. It rang for a moment and then went to voicemail, so he knew Kurt ignored the call. Sucking in a deep calming breath, he began calling the other members of his group of (former) friends, praying that someone would just answer so he could tell them he was going. Maybe he'd tell them about the possible news he just figured out, but he would only do so if he could talk to them on the phone. Texts were impersonal. He wanted the contact, the pleasure of hearing their voices one last time.

However, no one answered and, disgusted, he slammed his fist into the drywall, sobbing when pain burst up his arm. Cooper's friend had to practically drag him from the house after that, but all his things were outside and in the car, so that was fine; he followed dutifully. With one final, teary-eyed look at the place that really wasn't his home, Blaine cradled his aching hand against his chest and closed his eyes, letting the slow ride of the car lull him to sleep as some stranger that his brother trusted took him where he needed to go.

::::::::::

**(A Little Over) Three Years Later - Early 2018**

"Thank god we decided to do this in LA because New York would've been cold as hell and I wouldn't have been able to wear this gorgeous ass dress!"

"You would've still worn it and froze your ass off!"

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. I totally would! Anyway, enough about me - to Kurt!"

"To Kurt!" The limo cheered. Kurt ducked his head and rolled his eyes, looking back up at his already sloshed car mates before he took a huge swig of his wine and smacked his lips together.

"You guys are already tipsy."

"Am not!" Rachel screeched, stealing his wine glass and pressing her empty one into his hand before she downed the rest of his drink. Once that was gone, she waved the empty goblet at Santana and her dark-haired friend cackled, refilling _both_ glasses before she began to drink straight out of the bottle herself. Across from her sat Mercedes and she was as sober as Kurt was, if not more so. Neither one of them were drinking like the rest of the limo and Kurt was sure that he knew the reason why.

Mercedes was pregnant (though she hadn't spilled the beans yet.) She married Sam almost a year ago and while neither one of them said a word about possibly expecting, Kurt wasn't stupid. He saw the signs; he just chose to ignore them for his friends' sake. The last thing he needed was for them to get mad at him again, especially Sam.

God, that took him back when he thought about those days. It was the morning after Blaine called all of them at the loft during their weekly dinner. No one picked up as a courtesy to Kurt but the next day, Sam was storming into the apartment, crying and yelling because Blaine disappeared and no one knew where he went... and no one had seen him since. Just thinking about his ex-fiance made Kurt's skin _ache_ and burn in embarrassment and shame. For a whole month, he shut his ex out, pissed beyond belief that Blaine would just _lie_ to him about June Dolloway wanting him to be a part of her show. It had been the cherry on top of an already shitty sundae and Kurt exploded, taking all of his anger out on Blaine. The only problem with that was that Blaine wasn't the main problem - there were _tons_ of issues that made Kurt finally snap, but Blaine had been the last person Kurt saw that day and he blew up... and now, three years later, he regretted every single second of it.

Though despite his regret, he still had a ring on his finger. A ring that was not Blaine's, a ring that had no meaning to him at all. It was going to be a marriage of convenience, of pleasure (somewhat), but it still gave him purpose because he had nothing else going on in his life anyway.

Sighing, he carefully wrestled one of the wine glasses from Rachel and drank this one down whole, gasping for breath when the alcohol warmed his chilly body. Santana cheered at him again and offered him the bottle, which he gladly took, immediately pressing it against his lips to take another deep gulp.

He'd be needing a strong one all night if he knew any better.

::::::::::

_Leave it to Santana to find the shadiest fucking place to take me to._

The limo stopped outside of a huge building in the middle of nowhere in the outskirts of Los Angeles. Lights flashed along the white washed walls and the sign announced that it had dancers of all kinds: _gay, straight, you name it we've got it._ It was pretty offensive, but Santana didn't seem to give a shit as she wrapped her fingers around Kurt's wrist and began to drag him to the entrance. He was unfortunately dressed up in a tiara, feather boa, and a bedazzled sash that said _groom-to-be._ It was tacky as hell, but he humored his friends, laughing when the group was easily waved in and thrust into a world that smelled of smoke, cheap booze, and sweat.

"The part of the bar we're going to is over there!" Santana yelled, her voice excessive over the even louder music. A few topless girls were strutting around onstage across from them and for a moment, the whole group stopped to watch (Kurt was judging, _god was he judging_) but the rest seemed interested (except for Mercedes, who was covering her nose and looking a little bit too ill for comfort.)

"C'mon! It smells in here," Kurt grumbled, reaching for Mercedes' arm as he tugged her towards the area that Santana was originally leading them to. The whole group burst through the doors and went down a few glitter covered steps, slipping into a room that was dark, dingy, and looking like something straight out of _True Blood_. "Oh my god, if anyone in here is dressed up as a vampire, we are _so_ leaving."

"Oh don't get your nuts in a bunch! They don't roleplay or cosplay or whatever the hell you call that stuff. It's stripping! You rip your clothes off and get naked! _Hell yeah_! We're here for the ass! Let's party!"

Kurt wanted to interrupt his lush of a friend, but she was already rushing off with Rachel towards the bar, so he kept close to Mercedes, hand still linked around her elbow as he led her to a table that was thankfully far away from the smoking area at the bar. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Just... tired."

"You know if there's anything you want to tell me, I'm here to listen." To drive the point home, he batted his lashes at her and she scoffed.

"Kurt, we are at your _bachelor_ party. I have nothing to say." The look on her face said otherwise and Kurt chuckled, nudging her shoulder with his own before he settled down in his seat. The music boomed around them and then someone's voice broke through the beat, their smooth and silky tone announcing that they had a treat for the evening.

"Everyone please welcome your favorite dancer-"

"Kuuuuurt! Where'd you go?!" Rachel's shrill voice cut through the announcer's introduction, but Kurt didn't mind. He really wasn't in it for the show anyway. He just tagged along for the hell of it (and to give his friends a fun time.) "KURT!"

"Over here, you nutcase!" Mercedes hollered back, grumbling to herself as she took her seat back at the booth. Kurt thanked her for alerting Rachel of their seating arrangements and then he directed his attention back to the stage, watching as the lights went from purple to dark blue. A lone figure stood in the middle of the set, their silhouette stunningly dark against the rich azure and Kurt, without a thought, took whatever drink Santana placed in front of him and gingerly began sipping at it, ignoring the burn of way too much vodka as he watched this featured dancer wiggle his hips seductively.

"Ahh, Hummel. See something you like?" One of the girls purred (he was sure it was Santana) but he ignored their words and continued watching the show, arousal building throughout his body as the shadowed dancer climbed up, up, up on the pole, kicking their legs up to wrap around the strong steel, and begin spinning in the air, arms flowing around them like a delicate flower blowing in the breeze.

"Holy shit."

'"I'd say. Someone's very flexible... and talented," Mercedes added, nudging Kurt's arm. He glanced at her for just a second and blushed when she waggled her eyebrows at him. He knew she was teasing; she always did, especially now. She probably hated even being in this place, but when it came to Kurt's happiness, she would always support him even though she didn't agree with his choices. Like, at that moment, she was supporting his engagement, the engagement that hardly anyone agreed with but no one said a thing about. Kurt was going to be married to some random guy that he met at a Vogue function a year before. They hit it off, had drunken sex at the man's high-rise, and before Kurt knew it, he was continuously fooling around with some rich stud who loved to shower him with gifts and trips. However, despite the whole luxury of it all, their relationship was terribly lonely. The guy, Alexander, was nice and very attractive, but he was rather cold to everyone else and he and Kurt spent quite a bit of time apart. During their separations while Alex was off doing god knows what, Kurt was sitting at their shared apartment, fingers trailing over expensive _sorry I can't be there _gifts and while he hated that that's what his life came to, he dealt with it. He hadn't made it big. He wasn't famous, no one wanted him as a performer, and even though he came out of NYADA, his _type_ wasn't one the Broadway world was looking for. So, he basically became arm candy.

That's what he was... glorified arm candy.

And even though a long time ago he feared that that's what he would've become while he was with Blaine, his exact fears were now a reality. Just this time he was with a completely different guy that he had so-so feelings for... because Kurt Hummel didn't believe in love, not anymore, not after the last time.

Or, more importantly (no matter how heartbreaking it was - or pathetic, depending on who you ask), not after _Blaine_ left.

Scowling, he shoved his thoughts of Blaine aside and sucked down the rest of his drink, humming in appreciation when Santana slid another one of the same things in front of him. He didn't know how she got it nor why she even had an extra in the first place, but he was thankful and he quickly drank that one too.

"Oh my god, that hot guy's coming over here! How do I look?"

"Rachel, he's probably gay. I doubt he'll be looking at you."

"Okay no, Mercedes Evans-Jones-whatever-your-stage-name-is-now! We don't know if he's gay until he gets over here and I have a chance to talk to him. So, I've gotta make sure I look good because if he's actually straight, I might have a chance, alright?" Rachel snapped her fingers, drunkenly swaying in her seat before she began to dig into her handbag for a bunch of dollar bills. "Good thing I went to the bank! Gonna make it rain!"

"I really like drunk Rachel. This is good, this is nice." Santana mused and Kurt felt his eyes roll back into his skull at their strange drunken sisterhood. Rachel was still digging dollars out of her bag, Santana was clapping her hands as if she was trying to get the other girl to hurry up, and Mercedes was frowning at the two, shaking her head at their stupidity.

"Oooooh do we have a treat tonight! Looks like there's a bachelor party here! _Shadow_, you better get on that! The groom-to-be looks lonely." Like that, the table hushed and all of the girls squealed, Rachel smacking Kurt's shoulder as the dancer turned towards them and froze in his spot onstage. From where they were sitting, they could barely make out his facial features, but he was watching them cautiously, like they were going to grab him up and steal him away if he even went over to their table. The DJ said something else about the future groom and finally the dancer began moving, his body fluidly making its way towards the group of drunken twenty-somethings before he entered their line of sight.

The lights got brighter, the shadows of the mystery man's features faded and...

Like a scene from a bad romantic comedy, everyone's mouths fell open at the sight of the dancer's gorgeously made-up and very _familiar_ face. Dark eyeliner as well as smudged charcoal eyeshadow rimmed golden eyes; glitter sparkled on slightly tanned bare skin, the glimmer of the little crystals framing the dips and bulges of the dancer's muscles as he moved. His hair was curly and, while short, fell in dark ringlets over his forehead... and despite the fact that none of them had seen or heard from this particular person in three long years, it was incredibly obvious that the dancer coming over to their table was none other than Blaine Devon Anderson, the boy who went missing so many years ago, and he was a _stripper._

_So for you this is just a good time, but for me this is what I call life._

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**A/N: There might be one or two more chapters to this. I originally posted on my tumblr that I needed help getting back into the swing of things when it came to writing because I had a terrible weekend. Well, some people sent me prompts and I'm still working on them and this was one of them. Someone linked me to the BPOTD and here it is... or at least part of it. I hope to have my mindset back so I can finish my other WIPs and hopefully that'll be soon. Anyway, please review! (Oh and if you're wondering about Kurt's thoughts at the beginning of the chapter - I based them on a convo I had with someone about the song a while back; I don't think canon!Kurt would say those things, he just says them for this story.) That is all!**


	2. Chapter 2

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) The song mentioned in this chapter is _Gorilla_ by Bruno Mars. It's a good song; you should listen to it. By the way, I don't have rights to that either and I am not affiliated with Bruno or anything related to him though I'd very much like to be if you know what I mean. Anyway, I own nothing!**

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Everything in the club shifted the second Kurt and the rest of his table realized who was dancing for them. The mood, the music, the whole fucking atmosphere - hell, _time_ shifted and all everyone could do was stare dumbly as Kurt's ex came sauntering towards them, his once expressive hazel eyes dim in the lighting. Bruno Mars' old hit _Gorilla_ boomed through the sound system and Blaine - no, _Shadow_ - moved along to the beat, his hips swaying as he made his way towards Kurt. Just watching him was mesmerizing because Kurt knew that Blaine could move; they'd been intimate thousands of times way back in the day. However, this movement, this _dance_ was something completely new. He'd never moved like _that_. Never.

This was a completely new _Blaine_ and Kurt could see how much different he was when his ex was right on him. His scent was different, more musky, less fruity like it had been when they were younger. His overall look had changed too and the tiny (god were they _tiny_) shorts he wore left little to the imagination.

"Show 'em what you're made of, Shadow. Give 'em your best!" The DJ cheered and the audience yelled loudly, clapping as Shadow finally came face-to-face with who they all thought was an unknown, unexpecting future groom. No one else in the place minus the four people sitting at the table that Blaine was now dancing at knew about the past that preceded them. No one else knew of the pain and heartbreak that the dancer and the groom-to-be he was about to grind on dealt with just three years ago.

Nobody knew, so nobody noticed the pained expression on Kurt's face when Blaine smacked his hands on the side of the leather seat he was sitting in, his body rolling forward hips first as he got into Kurt's tiny little bubble of personal space and began doing what he'd been told to do, what he was being _paid_ to do.

"Blaine-"

His ex's eyes flew up to lock with his for just a second before Blaine looked away, climbing up into the seat to continue his dance. Hands were all over the place (Blaine's only, Kurt was afraid to touch and he wasn't sure if the joint had a no touching rule) as Blaine gripped the back of the chair and ground against Kurt to the beat of the music. The lights' coloring changed along with the beat and as each splash fell over Blaine's bare skin, Kurt could feel his heart throbbing in his chest as well as his stomach swirling sourly over the thought of _what_ was happening to him. Beside him, his friends were still watching in shock, none of them believing what they were seeing.

This guy tugging on Kurt's feather boa and moving so seductively was _not_ the once bubbly, theatrical boy they'd once known. Blaine had never been so blatantly sexual; things between him and Kurt were done behind closed doors and if they were ever caught in public displaying any bit of affection, it was usually PG. This was a whole new world for them and obviously it was for Kurt too, considering the wide-eyed awe that painted his face. His tiara was tilted, barely hanging on by the useless little clips that Santana had secured to his locks right before they got out of the limo and his sash was askew, its companion boa discarded on the floor.

Blaine, in the meantime, was working magic with his hips in a way that none of them had ever witnessed.

_Look what you've done! _The song boomed, Bruno's voice yelling through the speakers; the words smacked Kurt in the core and his eyes shot up towards Blaine's face again, tears brimming in them when he noticed the blank expression that befell his ex as the younger man climbed off of his lap and danced up behind him, strong arms linking over his chest as he nuzzled his cheek against Kurt's hair, panting breathlessly as the exertion of his dancing (and probably the strain of trying to _breathe_ around his old friends) overtook him. The song continued to play on and Blaine continued his work, slipping in back in front of Kurt as his fingers made quick work of tugging at his barely there shorts.

"God-"

The shorts fell quickly, revealing an incredibly thin midnight blue thong. His whole _everything_ could be seen in that sorry excuse of fabric and Kurt felt his already hot cheeks grow warmer as he debated over pulling Blaine in for a kiss or grabbing something to cover him up with. _Who are you? What happened to the old you?_ Before his mind could form another coherent thought, Blaine was turned around, ass grinding into Kurt's lap as he reached his arms back and fanned them into his ex's hair. Everything was becoming way too heated too fast and Kurt shut his eyes, swallowing heavily when he felt his arousal building two fold. Blaine could probably feel it; his bare ass was _right there_, but if he did, he didn't even pull a face at it.

_God, what if he was used to that reaction. Jesus._ Disgust at the whole situation bubbled in his belly and he opened his eyes again, breath catching in his throat when he took a closer look at Blaine and found his ex's face turned towards him, eyes closed, long beautiful lashes fanned over his shimmering cheekbones. Even through the rainbow of lights, Kurt could see every little freckle that decorated the bridge of Blaine's nose. _Blaine, fuck._ He wanted to kiss him, pull him close and cover him up and get him out of this wretched place, but he couldn't. Blaine wasn't his anymore and the longer he thought about that, the more he wished he had a fucking time machine that he could use to go back and tell his past self to run back and stop Blaine before he became... before he became _this_.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize the song was over until Blaine was sliding off of his lap, hands loosening from his hair as he picked up Kurt's tiara (that had fallen onto the floor) and placed it back on his head. For a second, he straightened the stupid plastic decoration, getting it to firmly sit back where it was when they first came in before he finally stepped back. "Congrats on your engagement," the barely clad man whispered and then he turned to walk away, pausing when Santana hollered at him and pushed a pile of money towards him.

"Take it, _Shadow_. You deserve it." It took Blaine a moment to step forward, like he was debating on taking the money at all, but the amount of bills seemed to be too tempting, so he grabbed them as well as his discarded booty shorts off of the floor.

"Thanks."

"It was nice seeing you again," Rachel said softly, her voice still quiet from the shock that seemed to have fallen over the whole group. Blaine looked at her for a second, eyes flashing with _something_ before he turned on his heel and left, his boots clicking across the floor as he made his way through several tables of rowdy men. Kurt and the others watched in horror as their former friend was groped and smacked at as he walked through. One brute even had the audacity to grab Blaine's hips as he walked by, yanking the smaller man towards him. He pressed a kiss to Blaine's flat stomach and used his hands to knead at Blaine's uncovered ass, earning a cheer from the buzzed crowd before another dancer - one of the women who just so happened to be walking through to get to her set - yanked Blaine away and scolded the customer.

While she was reprimanding the jerk who manhandled Blaine, their friend snuck away to the back, arms still full of his clothing and whatever money people had thrown at him during his act. His head was downcast and as he ducked behind the curtain backstage, Kurt swore he saw Blaine rub his cheek against his shorts... as if he was wiping away tears.

::::::::::

After the shock of seeing Blaine again began to wear off, the group got up and walked outside, huddling together beneath one of several street lamps, far enough from the crowd of creepers who were hovering outside hassling some of the other dancers who were out on smoke breaks.

"I can't believe we found him. It's been so long," Mercedes commented, breaking the ice after a few moments of just standing there in the breezy night air. Santana had been miraculously quiet ever since Blaine took the money she offered him and Kurt wondered what was going through her head. As for Rachel, she kept sending longing looks at the club, shaking her head every so often as she watched drunken assholes paw at the women who stood outside.

"Why aren't the bouncers doing anything? What kind of shady place is this?"

"Obviously one that doesn't care about its employees," Santana finally said, looking away from the group for a second as she dug into her bag and pulled out a two-pack of cheap cigars, lighting one and putting it between her lips. Kurt watched her smoke, lips pursed as she pulled in a deep drag of whatever flavor her cigar was, and he almost asked her for the other one because he needed something to do. Standing out there with his nerves all shot like they were wasn't helping. All he could see was Blaine in front of him, Blaine's hips moving against him. He could still smell the lingering scent of his ex on his clothes and there was glitter all over him, a reminder of what just happened inside of some random strip club in California.

It had been three years since he last saw or even heard of Blaine Anderson... and now he found him, in a fucking strip club on the side of the road.

::::::::::

"Excuse me? Is there any possible way you could tell me what time the dancer _Shadow_ gets off work?"

The platinum blonde headed girl on the other side of the bar raised a dark eyebrow, setting the glass she was cleaning to the side as she leaned over the long wooden table and showed off her ample cleavage. "I'd ask you why you were looking for someone like him, but your voice totally gave you away. Oh, _and _your hags. Cute bunch. But _no, _sweetheart, we don't give out information like that. It's not safe for the dancers."

"Oh, but it's okay for customers to grope them and paw at them like they're food to be eaten? Really classy joint you have here. Really fucking classy."

The girl smirked, rolling her eyes before she turned away from him and went down the bar, completely ignoring him as he continued to ask her about Shadow's whereabouts. Behind him, a person cleared their throat and he turned, not surprised to find Santana there hiking up her dress and adjusting her cleavage.

"Give me a sec," his friend said, sweeping down the bar towards one of the other bartenders. Within seconds (and with a drink in tow), she came back with a small piece of paper that she tucked away in her bra ("This has nothing to do with Anderson. It's for my eyes only. Take this drink.") and then she began to tell him what she learned. Blaine would get off work around three and it was nearing that hour soon, so Kurt's best bet would be to hang out on the side of the building where the dancers usually exited for the night. The whole thing screamed _unsafe_ to Kurt, but he nodded nonetheless and told his friends to wait for him before he crept outside and went to wait for Blaine to leave.

At three on the dot, the heavy metal door leading to the back of the club opened up and Blaine stepped out, right on time. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, the hood covering his face as he fidgeted with his cellphone and walked straight through the parking lot. Kurt followed close behind, words caught in his throat as he watched the once love of his life get further away from him. He knew he should've said something, should've alerted Blaine to his presence, but he couldn't - his voice wasn't cooperating. However, his footfalls against the pavement gave him away and Blaine quickly spun on his heel to confront him.

"Whoever you are, I don't want- _oh._"

"Blaine-"

"Go away, Kurt."

"Can we talk? Just for a second? We haven't seen each other in-"

"No. No we will _not_ talk. I have places to be and I have to go _now_. Also, I could give two shits about how long its been since we last saw each other. I wasn't the one who cut anybody out of their life and I definitely wasn't the one who turned who I thought were my friends against me either."

"Blaine, please-"

The other guy growled and kept walking, his direction finally showing that he was going towards a car that was idling in the lot. From what Kurt could see, there was a woman leaning against the vehicle and she was glaring at him as the two of them got closer to her. "You want me to get rid of this jerk?" She asked. Blaine waved her off, telling her to get in the car, but before he could say anything else, a high pitched squeal of the word _daddy_ sounded from the back of the vehicle and Blaine instantly froze.

"You didn't say he was awake. Why's he awake?"

"He woke up on the way here! I've had him all day. Cooper wouldn't answer his phone so I kept him longer than I was supposed to. Which, by the way, caused me to miss work and-"

"God, Avery, I'm so sorry. I made decent tips tonight, so whatever you would've made, I can give-"

"No," the woman (_Avery_, Kurt thought to himself) declined the offer, rolling her eyes as she opened the front door to the car. When it was open, the entire interior lit up and Kurt's eyes widened when he spotted a small child buckled into a car seat staring back at him. At first, when he heard the word _daddy_ he thought it was a joke, but now... now seeing into the vehicle, his heart felt like it quit beating. Because there in the car seat was the most adorable little boy; his hair was around Kurt's shade of brown and it was curly, cut into a cute little hairstyle that made him look a lot like Blaine did whenever he didn't gel his hair. Also, the toddler (Kurt estimated that he couldn't have been older than two or three) had bright amber eyes that looked a lot like Blaine's. In his hand was a ragged looking stuffed animal and when Kurt took a closer look at the toy the kid had, his entire body grew icy with realization.

It was Margaret Thatcher dog. _Oh god_.

The sound of car doors slamming thrust him back into reality and he looked up, eyes widening when the vehicle started to drive away. "Wait!" He called out, waving his arms into the air. He yelled for them to stop, to give him a chance to explain, but the woman driving rolled down her window and flipped him off, sending the car peeling from the lot before she, Blaine, and the mystery child that Kurt had a strange feeling was _his_ disappeared into the dark night.

::::::::::

_"So you mean to tell me that Blaine might have a kid... and it might be yours?"_

_"I saw him, Santana! He looked like Blaine, but a little like me and he... he's around two or three. He has to be! And if he's three, then he's got to be mine. There's no way he could be anyone else's."_

_Rachel and Mercedes shook their heads sadly, each taking one of Kurt's shaking hands within their own as the group of them sat out on the sidewalk outside of the club. As soon as Blaine left, Kurt called Rachel to let him know he was outside and as soon as they came out, he broke down._

_"What am I gonna do?"_

_"Well, we're gonna find out his personal info and then you're gonna pay him a visit to find out if that kid's really yours... and if it is, umm... then you need to do something about it." Before anyone could say anything else, Santana was up and at 'em again, hiking up her dress so that her ass was barely covered. She pulled the straps down on her dress and made sure her boobs looked good before she waltzed back into the club, coming out a few minutes later with a smirk and another piece of paper. "This one you can have. You're welcome."_

_Kurt stared down at the small scrawl on the note and his heart throbbed in his chest. There was an address written on it and below that read: _Shadow starts his shift tomorrow at 10. Good luck! _Taking another look at the apartment number, Kurt entered the info into his phone and set his GPS, thankful that he'd be able to possibly talk to Blaine after all. He'd take the rest of the evening to sleep (or not, his nerves were shot to hell) and then he'd practice what he was going to say. Because if he knew any better, tomorrow wasn't going to be pretty and even though he hated to think that way, he knew he deserved it, especially after what happened between them so many years before._

_"So what are you going to do?" Mercedes asked, rubbing Kurt's arm when he finally put his phone away. She laced their fingers together again once his hand was free. "Are you going to-"_

_"I'm going to visit him. We need to talk and I need to know why he's doing _this_. He's so much better than this."_

_"But what about Alex?"_

_"I'll deal with him later. Right now, I need to talk to Blaine."_

::::::::::

_Cherrywood Apartments #206_.

Kurt tucked the worn piece of paper into his pants pocket and took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he raised a hand to knock on the door. The complex itself seemed nice enough and the place was located in what looked like a decent neighborhood, but one could never tell with places like this and it scared Kurt a bit to know that Blaine was probably living here all alone with his child. _Their_ child... possibly.

Quickly, he knocked, letting his knuckles tap sharply against the wood several times before he stepped back to wait. No one answered after five minutes, so he knocked again, shaking his head when his knocks went unanswered once more. "Blaine?" He called out, leaning close to the entrance to see if he could hear a child's laughter or footsteps somewhere inside. He heard nothing. "Blaine?"

"Are you looking for Blaine Anderson?" A soft voice questioned. Kurt turned to find a little old woman standing in the doorway of apartment #207; she was small in stature and had hair of blue-grey. Her face was kind and she smiled when Kurt nodded at her. "He and Landon went to the farmer's market about an hour ago. They should be home shortly. The market closed at two."

"Oh... umm, thank you."

"You're welcome." As soon as she was done speaking, she shut the door in his face, surprising the hell out of him. He didn't think neighbors were usually that friendly - his weren't - and he wondered if Blaine knew that his elderly neighbor liked to tell complete strangers of his whereabouts or how long he was going to be gone. It wasn't safe, that's for sure, and he knew he at least had to mention it to Blaine if he was given the chance to speak to his ex. Sighing, he leaned back against Blaine's front door and slid down to sit on his butt, pulling his phone out of his pocket before he completely sat down. While he waited, he texted his friends about the situation: about Blaine's somewhat talkative neighbor, how the complex looked, and how terrified he was getting ready to confront the whole situation. It was in the midst of his texting back to Rachel that the dinging sound of the elevator opening made him look up and there they were: Blaine and _Landon _walking hand-in-hand down the hall, Blaine with his other hand lugging a canvas bag of food while his son swung Margaret Thatcher dog around with in the other. Upon spotting Kurt rising from the floor, Blaine froze, eyes narrowing as he slowly pulled Landon behind him.

"Leave."

"I need to talk to you."

"Oh, so you stalk me back to my home? Really cute, Kurt. Honestly, _leave. _I _will_ call the cops."

"I don't care. I just really need to speak with you. Give me five minutes? Please, Blaine, I'm begging you."

"So you think you deserve five minutes of _my_ time when you couldn't even give me five minutes of yours back then? Ha, that's funny. Move away from my door and let me get into my apartment. Then you can leave and go back to wherever you live and don't you _ever_ come near me again."

Kurt refused to budge, body still blocking the doorway to Blaine's apartment. He inhaled sharply, eyes falling to where a hazel eyed child was poking his little head out from behind Blaine's knee, his stuffed dog held up against his face as he quizzically checked out the man his daddy was arguing with. As the two of them stared at each other, Blaine grew angrier, dropping his bag of groceries down on the floor before he leaned down and swept Landon up into his arms.

"I'm going to give you until the count of five to move away from the my door. If you don't, I'll call the cops. If you move, I'll go inside and you can get the hell out of my life again, okay? I've been doing just fine without you, so what makes you think I need you in my life right now? You don't deserve five minutes or even five seconds of my time. Now _move_." He reached down to pick up his bag of food again and while he was concentrating on doing that, Kurt struck.

"Is he mine, Blaine?"

The words smacked into the younger man like a freight train and he almost stumbled back with the force of the emotional wave that overcame him. This was _not_ how he expected his week to go. This was _not_ how he expected ever seeing Kurt again to go. When he was a little younger and the break-up (and pain) was still fresh, he always imagined seeing Kurt in LA one day and his ex would see him and rush to him, begging for forgiveness. Then he'd meet Landon and fall in love with him and the rest would be history.

Never in a million years did he imagine being called over to do a bachelor party lapdance only to find out that the groom-to-be was none other than the man he was once engaged to. And to have that man standing on his doorstep right now demanding to have a word with him pissed him off like no other. Kurt didn't have any right to do this to him, not the way he acted during that month after he broke off their engagement... and now, knowing that he was to be married to someone else, it made everything so much worse.

Never in his life had Blaine ever thought he'd want to smack the shit out of Kurt, but right now, seeing him staring at Landon like he deserved to know whether or not the child in Blaine's arms was his own made Blaine want to take his son over to his neighbor's house and have her cover his ears while his daddy went back outside to knock the shit out of his ex.

_Jesus, Blaine, when did you become so mean?_ His mind questioned and inwardly, he rolled his eyes. _When you deal with all the shit I have that's what happens._ "Move, Kurt."

"Is he mine? That's all I want to know."

Blaine huffed. "Three years ago you broke my heart and didn't even give me a chance to explain anything. Three years ago you shut me out and wouldn't even answer the phone when I tried to call you because I found out some interesting news and all I wanted to do was tell you. I called _you_. I called _Santana. _I called _Rachel, Mercedes, Artie, _and even _Sam_, who I thought was my best friend - and you want to know what they did? None of them answered. You didn't either and I thought... I thought that at least one of you would. But then I thought about it: I was sitting at my apartment alone while you were all having dinner _without _me and no one even bothered to ask me if I wanted to come along anymore, not since you broke up with me, so why did it matter? Why was I even bothering just to be in contact with any of you when none of you wanted anything to do with _me_?"

"Blaine-"

"So I packed up my stuff and I left. I came here and I've never looked back. I never thought I'd ever see you again. I thought I'd start anew here; make a life for me _and _my son and yet, here you are. Out of all the _fucking_ strip clubs in the world, you had to come into mine and I'm trying to figure out who the hell I pissed off up there because why does this shit always happen to me?"

"Blaine, I-"

"Save it. Okay? Just let me past and you can go back to wherever it is you came from, go get married, and raise a goddamn family with whoever it is that has your heart now." Blaine stepped forward, keys in hand, but Kurt didn't move. Instead, his eyes were still on Landon, who had now hidden his tiny head in the juncture of Blaine's neck like he was scared that his daddy was so upset - that or he was trying to comfort the man holding him because Blaine was shaking pretty badly.

"I just want to talk to you. Just for five-"

"Enough with the five minutes thing! Go _home_, Kurt! You don't belong here. Go back and be a big star or whatever it is that you're doing now. Go back and live that perfect life that you wanted so badly that I just _had_ to be out of. My life is _fine_ here. Landon and I are okay and we don't need you. So _go_!"

All of the fight within Kurt deflated over Blaine's words. _Go be a big star. Go live that perfect life that I just had to be out of_. That's what Blaine felt like now when it came to him; Kurt shut him out and moved on. He was engaged, he'd moved on, and god, did it look bad. It looked _so_ bad in _Kurt's_ eyes and he couldn't even imagine what it was like to Blaine to see this. Especially if Kurt was the dad of the little boy in his arms (of which he was sure he was - he just _had_ to be. Blaine's words and the way the child looked just screamed that Kurt was the father.)

"Fine." The older man relented, stepping out of Blaine's way and off to the side while his ex fidgeted with the keys, quickly unlocking the door before he sped his way into the apartment. Right before he slammed the door shut behind him, Kurt looked up and found himself staring into Landon's hypnotic amber eyes, unable to tear himself away from the confused look in them as the child struggled to figure out why his daddy was so upset. Across the bridge of the toddler's nose were hundreds of little light freckles, a lot like the ones Kurt had all over his own face and when Landon leaned his head up a bit to fully look at Kurt before the door shut, Kurt almost stumbled back into the wall. The child's pout was the carbon copy of his own; there were pictures at his dad's house of him making that exact same face and even though Kurt knew it wasn't a complete positive to the whole paternity of Landon thing, he was sure that the child in Blaine's arms was definitely his, no matter how much Blaine kept beating around the bush.

Now if only he could get his ex to give him a few minutes to talk, apologize, and explain everything that happened between them. _If only_.

* * *

**A/N: I swear to god I let stories run away with me. I tell myself that I'll only write short chapters and blah blah blah and then every damn time, the chapter comes out over 4,000 words and then I'm like WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Anyway, I'd love to know what you thought. Reviews give me LIFE.**


	3. Chapter 3

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) By the way, I own nothing!**

**A/N: In this chapter I mention something called _counseling_. ****That is taken from a personal experience that I was told about from a person who once worked in the business that Blaine's in now. Is it legal? Probably not. Does it happen in other places like that? Heck if I know, but for this fic, I brought it up because I've heard many stories about it. So when you see the discussion about it, just know what I don't know if it's true for all clubs, but it did happen in one that someone I knew worked in.**

* * *

**October 2014**

_"Hey there, little guy. I'm your daddy."_

_The room was lonely, only two occupants inside - one a new father and the other his brand new baby - and all nurse Avery Wilks could do was watch helplessly in the doorway as the new family bonded all by their lonesome in the maternity/paternity ward of the hospital. It had been a sad sight indeed, at the beginning. A young man came in hours earlier in very active labor, but he was alone. His brother, he told the staff, was off in Chicago filming a tv pilot and the baby's father wasn't in the picture, so he was doing it all by himself. Off and on throughout the evening, Avery stayed on shift with him. She was still very new to the ward and spent most of her time following others around, but there was something about this young man that intrigued her._

_For one, he looked so sad. She gathered it was because he was by himself struggling with one of life's greatest burdens. Then there was the fact that he kept on staring at the phone throughout his labor, as if he wanted to call someone and tell them where he was. All of his information said he came from Ohio, but he also mentioned being a former student at a prestigious New York school, so Avery wasn't exactly sure why he was suddenly in Los Angeles giving birth, but she didn't question it much more. She had a job to do - help with labor and delivery - and that's what mattered._

_Hours later, the man gave birth to a beautiful little boy with a full head of hair and Avery found herself in the hallway of the surgery ward crying almost as much as the new father did once his son was finally out in the world._

_"Landon. You look like a Landon."_

_"That's a pretty name," she murmured, gasping when she realized she said it out loud. Her patient looked up at her and smiled lazily, nodding at her before he turned his attention back to the babe in his arms._

_"I could never figure out a name for him while I was still pregnant. I wanted to see his face first. Now that he's here though... he looks like a Landon."_

_"Do you have a middle name picked out?"_

_"Not yet. That one hasn't come to me yet," the boy laughed, brushing his fingers over the baby's dark brown hair. The little one in his arms yawned and the man cooed. "My brother said I should name the baby after him, but I don't think Landon Cooper would sound right."_

_"You could always name him after yourself. Landon Blaine sounds pretty."_

_Blaine laughed again, rolling his eyes. "I wouldn't curse this poor child with that name. I'll think of something eventually. It'll come to me."_

_Nodding, Avery gave the new daddy a soft smile and then backed out of the doorway, crossing her arms back over her chest as she went to the nurses' station to take a breather. It had been a long night, but she got to witness and be a part of a birth she'd never forget, especially since she was able to help a young man bring his child into the world when he had no one else to be there for him._

::::::::::

**February 2018**

Kurt closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath as he stepped back into the one place he really didn't want to be, but _had_ to be at the same time. The club was booming with loud music and the air reeked of cigarette smoke. Several dancers were onstage with one another at the same time, doing dances that looked far too pornographic for his eyes, so he turned his head and went to the bar where he hoped he'd find the girl that Santana hooked up with the night before. Luckily, she was leaning down to grab a bottle of vodka when he slipped over to her section. When she saw him, she gave him a slight wave and finished making her customers' drinks before she told them she'd be right back, coming over to where Kurt was seated afterward.

"Hummel, right?"

"Yeah. Santana mentioned me?"

"Yup. Said you needed to have some one-on-one time with Shadow, am I correct?"

"Yeah, but not like-"

"Listen. The only way you'll get Shadow to yourself for a few minutes is if you go to the private dancing rooms. Those rooms are one-on-one only and Shadow's required to stay back there until his job's done-"

"His _job_?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. Just private lapdances, you know the deal." In reality, Kurt didn't, but he nodded his head anyway. The bartender smiled at him and then waved her hand, ushering over a pudgy, greasy looking older gentleman who looked eighty-four shades of perverted and zero percent tolerable. "Vinny! Blue eyes here wants a private session with _Shadow_!"

"Oh really?" The squinty eyed man asked. He ran a hand through his oily looking hair and Kurt cringed, praying that the dude didn't want to shake his hand after that. He didn't, thank god. Instead, the man just smiled a venomous smirk and wiggled his finger, turning to walk towards a part of the club that Kurt hadn't had the chance to see when he was there the night before with his friends. "Follow me, kid. The private rooms are in the back. Dances are priced based on the dancer. You picked Shadow - he's a house favorite, so his total will be a little higher. He'll tell you when he gets to the room." They paused outside of a door that had once been a raspberry color, but now had paint chipping all over it. The man knocked to make sure the room was empty and then he led Kurt inside, pointing towards a chair in the middle of the room before he let Kurt pass. Within seconds, the door shut behind him and Kurt was left standing alone in the creepiest room he'd ever been in.

_What is this place?_

The floor had bright red shag carpet that looked like it had been there since the 70s and had never been changed; the walls were a eye-popping shade of purple that went well with the floor even though the look was dated and ultimately quite creepy. And the chair... the chair in the middle of the room was zebra print and it already had an indentation in it where many other people (probably men, Kurt thought to himself as he wandered closer to the seat) had been given private lapdances.

And maybe some other stuff...

Grossed out, Kurt cringed and crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for something to happen or for Blaine to arrive so that he could just sit down with him and talk one-on-one. For several minutes, he stood there in the lone room, listening to the sounds of the music outside bleed through the thin walls of the so-called _private_ dancing rooms. In the room next to him, he swore up and down he heard a low moan and when that same sound repeated, a chill ran down his spine.

_What if these private dances are more than just... dances? What if Blaine does this every single night just to make_- His thought bubble burst when there was a knock on the door, followed by the creaking sound of it opening. Nervous, Kurt turned around and felt his heart leap into his throat when Blaine stepped into the room, dressed to the nines in his Shadow gear. Tonight he was wearing red and black instead of the blues he had on the night before. The glitter on his body was red, his eyes were done with the same charcoal smudge and liner, and his booty shorts not only hid absolutely _nothing_ at all, but he was also wearing fishnet stockings that tapered off into some of the hottest fucking boots Kurt had ever seen.

He looked gorgeous, absolutely sinful, but the sight made Kurt want to puke.

Because _this_ wasn't Blaine - at least not the Blaine he remembered, the one he loved. This Blaine was a completely different human being and this one seemed broken, like someone ran him through the wash too many times and he came out damaged. _Damaged_. All of the air in Kurt's throat caught as his thoughts finally caught up to him - Blaine _was_ damaged and the reason was _him_. Kurt did it. Kurt turned him into this... whatever _this_ was.

And he had to fix it.

"Blaine-"

"_No_. No, I am _not_ doing this."

"Just give me a minute. Please?"

"I tell you to stay out of my life and then you come here wanting _this_?" Blaine placed his hands on his hips, eyes narrowing to the point that all Kurt could see in the dim red lighting (_so_ tacky) was the flashing gold of his irises. "You sure have changed from the guy who couldn't even listen to a song about stripping. Is your new fiance a pornstar?"

"Okay, just stop, Blaine! I'm here because I want to _talk_ to you, not because I want a lapdance or whatever the fuck it is that you guys do back here!" Another moan bled through the wall and Kurt frowned, looking over to his right before he looked back at Blaine. "Are you a prostitute too? Because I don't think people moan like that when they're getting just a lapdance."

"They do if they get aroused like some people do when they're getting danced on." It was a reference to the way Kurt reacted during Blaine's dance the night before and hearing it come out of Blaine's mouth like that disgusted him. Both of them were throwing low blows at each other, each getting angrier by the second as they stood there and glared at one another in the tiny, tiny space. "If you really want to know what goes on back here, _Kurt_, they call it _counseling_. People come back here and _talk_ to the customers. They talk about their problems and do things to solve them. If you really must know, _I _only do handjobs. I don't do whatever the others do."

"So you _are_ a prostitute? What the fuck, Blaine?!"

"I'm not a fucking hooker! Quit saying it like that! I do what I have to do to make sure I get paid, okay? Do you think it's easy raising a child on your own in a city that you barely know your way around? I came here because they pay me well and the people like me here. I make good money and it keeps food on the table, a roof over my head, and me and my son off of the streets. As long as I'm getting paid, I'm doing fine. I'm definitely making more money _here_ than I am at my other job, that's for sure."

"Your other job?"

"Yes, my _other_ job. Waiting tables on minimum wage doesn't pay jack shit when you've got rent and utilities to deal with plus having to hire a sitter, buying clothes for someone who's constantly growing, and all that fucking jazz." Blaine's hands slid from his hips and he crossed his arms over his chest, hunching over a bit in the protective mode that Kurt remembered seeing so many times before. "I love my son more than anything and I will do _anything_ to make sure he's happy and healthy. If this is what I have to do, so be it. As long as he's taken care of, that's all that matters."

Like that, Kurt found himself feeling like he'd been sucked back in time to that moment all those years ago when he and Blaine were studying together on the floor of the loft listening to that City High song. At that time, Kurt didn't want to hear it; he didn't like the words, didn't care for the meaning, and he changed the song over to something Broadway. Years later, he wouldn't remember the incident until he went out for karaoke with Rachel and the others and Santana sang the song just for the hell of it. Just sitting there in the karaoke bar brought back those memories and for the first time in his life, he actually _listened_ to the song, took in the message... and now it was there slapping him in the face.

_What would you do if your son was at home..._

Blaine continued, body quivering as he talked. It seemed the more he spoke about his situation, the more choked up he got and Kurt found himself hating every little thing he'd ever said or done to Blaine in the past. "You don't... you don't know what it's like to try to make things work, to try to make ends meet when you have someone so helpless relying on you. I tried _so_ hard after he was born to make sure he was taken care of, but I kept _failing._ That's all I ever do, right? Blaine Anderson: huge fucking failure." He paused, inhaling shakily before he kept on. "I started working a few weeks after he was born and then I had to quit because I couldn't find a sitter and you can't bring a baby with you to work. Cooper wasn't helping me and I understand that he has a life too, but he wouldn't even try! _Babies cramped his style_, he said, so I moved out. We kept fighting so it was easier that way, you know?

"Then I found a sitter - Avery, that woman you saw last night; she's been a lifesaver. She takes care of Lan when Coop can't and since she started watching him, I was able to start working again. But, _god_ Kurt, minimum doesn't do shit when the rent's high and so is the price of formula and baby food and... and there was this one night, I- I went to make Landon a bottle and I realized we were out of formula. Like, what kind of dad doesn't have food for his kid? We had _nothing, _no baby food, no milk. _Nothing_. I panicked. I started throwing stuff around the house looking for _something _because I honestly had less than a dollar left in the bank. But I had _nothing_ and Landon was screaming. He was so hungry and I didn't know what to do-

"So I called Cooper and he loaned me some money, but I never wanted that to happen to me again. Not ever. After that, I went looking for another job, one that would pay more... and one of the girls who came into the restaurant I was working at mentioned taking a pole dance fitness class to me because she thought I looked like someone she'd like to work with. I didn't get it at first, but I went to the address she gave me anyway, sat in during one of the classes, tried it out, and that night Vinny asked me to come here... and I've been here ever since."

"Blaine-"

"Landon doesn't have to worry about where his meals are coming from now. We're settled, we're fine now, and I don't have to rely on jack shit from my parents or Cooper or anyone else. And if you are thinking any less of me right now because I dance and sometimes I do what I have to do to make a little more money, then fuck you. I'm a damn good father, I take care of my son, and I'll do whatever I can to make sure he grows up right."

"I never said anything-"

"But you're _thinking_ it. I know you are. I _know_ you. I remember how judgmental you were about strip clubs and stuff like that back in the day. I remember the way you acted towards Quinn and how you demeaned her about what she did after she gave her daughter up. I remember every single little snark you've made, Kurt Hummel, and I know you're thinking I'm some kind of trashy whore, but I'm not. I don't kiss anyone while I'm on the clock. I dance and _sometimes_ I give out a handjob or two because it pays well and it keeps the weight off of my shoulders for a few weeks because I know I'll have enough money and then some for all the stuff Landon and I need to keep going."

Kurt nodded, letting Blaine silently know that he did understand. A long time ago, he would've judged the hell out of someone like his ex, but now, seeing Blaine so cut off from everything made his heart ache worse than it ever had. He thought his heart was broken when everyone found out Blaine up and disappeared, but now... now knowing that his ex had gone through so much _alone_ made Kurt feel like a piece of shit for even doing what he did to him. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah well, so am I sometimes. Am I sorry that this is what I have to do to take care of my son? Sometimes. I wish I could give him more than this. I wish I could be a better father-" He raised a hand to cut Kurt off before the other man could protest, "-and I wish that I didn't have disgusting assholes pawing at me night after night, but this is what pays the bills. Someday I will get out of here. Someday I'll have enough money saved up to buy a nice home in a great neighborhood and Lan can get a dog and whatever else he wants. Up until then though, this is what I have to do."

"But you don't-"

"Please stop trying to tell me what to do, Kurt. You've been out of my life for years. You lost that privilege the day you broke up with me." Before Kurt could say anything else, Blaine stepped forward, walking over to the side of the room where there was a touch screen monitor in the wall. He began punching a code into the keypad and then the room started to fill with music; it was something Kurt never heard before, but it made shivers run down his spine, especially when Blaine turned around, eyes hooded and clouded over with fake lust that made Kurt's stomach swirl. _This must be what he does before he-_

"Blaine, don't-"

"You wanted one-on-one time, so here we are. Take a seat, _sir_."

"Blaine, please-"

The bass swelled in the song, thumping loud enough that the floors shook, and Kurt stepped back, away from the chair as Blaine came closer to him. The shorter man was on him within seconds, fingers looping around the belt loops of Kurt's pants before he pushed him into the zebra print chair and began to climb into his lap.

"Blaine-"

"Isn't this what you want? Tell Shadow what you need."

"This... I don't want _this_. I want to talk. Can't we just continue talking? I'll pay you for whatever you do back here if you just let me talk."

Blaine froze, sitting back a bit on Kurt's legs as he stared up at his ex. "So you want me to be some sort of therapist to you then?"

"You did say that the others call this _counseling._ Just... please can we talk? I want to talk about-"

"I'm not talking about my son if that's what you want to know."

"But-"

"Landon is _my_ child. I am his father. I am _both_ of his fathers and I have been since the day he was born. I am his family, I am his caretaker, and I love him more than I've ever loved anything else in this world. As far as I'm concerned, you are just the sperm donor."

"So he _is_ mine?"

"Yes, Kurt! Fuck! If you can't fucking see that when you look at him, then what's the point of constantly asking me about him?! He's _yours_. I found out I was pregnant with him the night I left New York, okay? I tried to call you and everybody else and no one fucking cared to answer the phone." Blaine climbed off of Kurt with a quick ease, darting over to the monitor to stop the music. When he turned back around, there were tears in his eyes, some escaping to wash clean trails through his smudged makeup. "I wanted to tell you but no one answered the phone."

"I was just so mad at you-"

"For nothing! You were mad at me for absolutely _nothing!_ You broke up with me because you thought I was the worst fucking fiance on the planet and maybe I wasn't the best, but I did the best I could to treat you right and love you. And then you threw it all away because you were jealous that I had a chance to make something of myself! But _fuck_, Kurt, I tried so fucking hard to get you in the spotlight too. I begged that stupid bitch to let you be in the showcase and she kept blowing me off. Finally she told me off for asking too many times and I told her off for being a dick to you and then I came back to tell you about it and you wouldn't even listen to me! You wouldn't even let me have a chance to explain; you just broke up with me on the spot and that was it. I didn't even have a chance!"

Tears filled Kurt's eyes as he stared at his incredibly emotional ex. Blaine was full-on crying now, arms back crossed over his chest as he sucked in heaving breaths. "I never meant-"

"You meant every fucking word you said that day, Kurt. You meant it when you called me a selfish spotlight hog and every other fucking thing under the sun. You meant it and no matter what, you can't take that back. I mean, I get it. I cheated on you a long time ago and maybe that fucked up whatever trust you had in me, but I thought you felt better about us. You told me time and time again how _okay_ we were and how you forgave me and _god_, I've always felt terrible about that, but I did think we were okay. You told me that multiple times and then one day, I come in and you just break up with me! And now you're here in LA doing god knows what and you're _engaged_ and you've moved on; you have a new life now, so why are you trying to fuck up mine again?!"

The sobs that tore out of Blaine's throat shattered Kurt's heart more and more. He stepped forward, wanting to pull his ex into a hug, but Blaine stumbled backward, head shaking as he put his arms out to stop Kurt from coming any closer. "Blaine, god, I'm so sorry-"

"Do you even realize how useless your apologies are now? They mean _nothing_ to me. I've been on my own for years now. I don't need anyone and I certainly don't need you. I have Landon and he's all that matters to me and I swear to god, if you try anything to get custody from me, I'll destroy you, do you understand me?" Blaine placed a hand on his heaving, flat stomach, trying to steady his breathing. "He's my only reason for living. Making sure he knows he's loved is the only reason I put up with this shit here because I would've killed myself years ago if it weren't for him."

Those words made Kurt's world stop. Everything - it all _stopped._ "What?"

"You think I _want_ to touch someone else for money? No, but my job here stays if I get someone off every once in a while. Vinny knows I won't do anything past handjobs and I guess I'm good enough at them to keep the clients happy and that brings the money in, so I'm still here. That's all I'm fucking good at anyway-"

"Blaine, stop-"

"If I didn't do this shit, Kurt, Landon and I would be out on the street and I would _never _do that to him. He didn't ask to be brought into this fucked up world of mine. He's the one thing I have going for me, so don't you _dare_ try to run back to New York and file up some custody papers so that you and whoever the fuck you're marrying can try to steal my son away from me. I honestly could care less about you, Kurt. Looking at you right now pisses me off because you're in here trying to fucking _fix_ me and I don't need fixed!"

"I never-"

Blaine shook his head, reaching up to wipe away the tears that littered his cheeks. He was walking backwards towards the door, head still shaking back and forth as he muttered something to himself about why this was happening to him and why now. His whole demeanor made Kurt feel even more like shit and he too wiped away the tears from his eyes, bursting out into full-on sobs when Blaine opened the door and fled the tiny, stifling room. Within minutes, Santana's hook-up came to the door with a few tissues, asking him to leave the club. Shadow wanted him gone and while she knew some of the basics over what might've went down, Vinny wasn't about to have one of his top performers off his game just because some random dude was in the building.

So, with his heart in his throat, Kurt walked out of the club feeling like he'd been dragged through the coals and left there to die alone. This was not how he imagined his evening to go. All he wanted to do was talk, and yeah, they did talk, but everything he heard wasn't something he expected. Originally, he imagined Blaine telling him that he worked there for the extra money; he didn't think Blaine worked there out of necessity, just like that girl in the City High song. And to know that Blaine was forced to give private _counseling_ sessions to men in order to keep his job so that he and his son weren't thrown out on the street made the bile in Kurt's throat rise higher and higher into his mouth until he finally ran over to the side of the building and started to throw up, tears dripping from his eyes as he gagged and sputtered in the alleyway.

Still sick, he called Santana, flopping down to sit on the cold, hard ground while he waited for her and Rachel to come get him from this hellhole before he went completely nuts and ran inside to beg Blaine for forgiveness.

It may have seemed completely foolish of him to think it, but even after tonight, all he wanted to do was tell Blaine how sorry he was and that he felt like an asshole for putting him through what he did. Behind his closed eyes, he kept on picturing Landon, the child of his that he didn't even know about until now, and god, did he want to know more about him. He wanted to know more about Blaine too, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to talk to or see either of them again.

_Not like you deserve to._

About a half an hour later, when Rachel's rental car pulled up in front of the club, he stumbled over to it, shaking his head when Santana climbed out. "It didn't work."

"I figured that when you called me sobbing, you idiot. _But_ I'm not getting out to talk to you about what happened. I'm getting out because I want to talk to Anderson myself."

"Santana, you can't-"

"I'm not gonna attack him or anything. I just want to see if he'll be up to listening to me for a second. I won't say anything mean. I won't badger him or make him feel bad for making you cry because believe me, if you're crying, I imagine he's far, _far_ worse. I just... I understand his situation a little bit better than you do, so let me have a chance with him." She pointed at the open car door. "Get in there with Rachel, go somewhere and get something to eat. I'll call you when I'm done. Go on."

"Santana-"

"Just go. I'll see what I can do."

Kurt shook his head, resting one hand on the side of the car as he stared at his friend through watery eyes. "Can you tell him I'm sorry about tonight? I never wanted it to happen this way."

His friend nodded, turning on her heel to walk into the busy, bouncing club. Once she was gone, Kurt climbed into the car, breaking down as soon as Rachel put a supportive hand on his leg. Meanwhile in the club, hiding backstage in the dressing room for the dancers, someone else was crying just as hard, wishing that the reopened wound in their heart would just heal up once and for all.

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**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews last chapter! Y'all gave me LIFE. Yay! Anyway, I hope you liked this one. If it's really angsty, well... it's meant to be. It did come from a blangst prompt lol. Umm... I'd love to know what you thought or what you think will happen next. Keep being awesome and thanks again!**


	4. Chapter 4

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) By the way, I own nothing!**

**A/N: Santana brings up some stuff in this chapter that pertains to her family life. Now I don't really remember what all Santana's said throughout the course of the show, so I went online and looked things up and I mashed info together with what she sang in _At the Ballet_. So if her storyline seems crazy, I apologize._  
_**

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**May 2016**

_Two weeks._

_Blaine had been at his second job for fourteen days exactly and in those few weeks, he made more money dancing on a pole than he did working a couple of months at the restaurant as a waiter. Work was good here; the people tipped well and they really seemed to like Blaine. His alter ego, Shadow, became a big hit after his first dance and while he didn't want to brag, he really got a huge following after his first week of shows. The other male dancers were jealous, but it wasn't his fault. Not really. Their body types were too different. There was a man known as Kong who was absolutely huge and burly as can be. He dwarfed Blaine and so did several of the other dancers. Everyone seemed to be tall - some lanky, some muscular, but _tall_ nonetheless. When Blaine came around, he was more compact compared to the others and his lean body (thank god for constantly having to be on his toes when it came to being a daddy and a waiter) made a bunch of the other customers drool. He had what the others didn't and what they lacked, he gained._

_Sure, it felt strange to know he was being oogled by a handful of strangers every single night that he did it, but then he'd think of the money in his pocket and the fact that no more did he have to worry about where his child's next meal was coming from and it was all worth it. There would be no more tears shed over fear that he'd get kicked out before he could make rent or that he and Landon would be stuck in their tiny ass apartment in that shitty ass neighborhood forever. He could save up the money he made now and they could move. The possibilities were endless and even though he was still on the fence about the whole job, he knew he wouldn't leave. Not yet anyway, not when there was still money to be made._

_"G'night Brandi," he called out to one of the older dancers as he snuck out of the back door of the club and into the parking lot. That was the one thing he really hated. Vinny, his boss, made the employees park really far away from the club as to not inconvenience customers. The walk from the exit to the employee lot was rather long and the lighting in that area wasn't the best so Blaine always feared something bad would happen. It had yet to - knock on wood - but he still feared it._

_"You did well tonight, Shadow." A voice popped up behind him and Blaine froze, fingers tightening around his car keys where he had them splayed between his fingers in a preventative defense mode. The person speaking to him didn't sound familiar, but when he spun around to take a look at the man speaking to him, he found his heart leaping into his throat when he noticed it was one of the customers he'd given a lap dance to that evening. The man had been extremely generous with his tips, one time paying Blaine a crisp $100 that he_ lovingly_ pressed in between the thin fabric of Blaine's thong with a pat on the ass. Other than the hundred, he dropped fives and tens for Blaine all night and in appreciation, Blaine smiled at him and gave him a wink before he bounced offstage._

_Looking back, it was probably his biggest mistake._

_When he first started the job, Brandi (the woman he said goodbye to earlier) warned him of getting too friendly with patrons. _Don't be too flirty, they take it the wrong way every time. If you want to thank them, make it simple, don't overdo it._ But how could a wink be overdoing it? Frowning, Blaine glanced back up where he noticed the gray haired man was stepping closer to him, still talking about Shadow's dance and how attractive it was._

_"Thank you," was all Blaine could say in response. Fear bristled up his spine and he gripped his keys harder, glancing towards the club to see if anyone could see him and this random guy standing there. No one else was around. "I appreciate your honesty."_

_"I'll tell ya what though," the man continued, dark green eyes following up and down Blaine's now completely clothed body. "You look great even with clothes on. Though I bet you'd look even more beautiful with them completely off too."_

_"Oh, I... I don't do that, sir. Dancing's it for me really. No fooling around." He wasn't even sure why he was making small talk with this random guy. If anything, he really needed to be back at his friend Avery's house to pick up Landon before her shift started at the hospital, but instead, he was struggling to keep his eye on a man that seemed to think he was going to get somewhere with him. "I really should be going. But thank you for the tips. You were very generous."_

_"Yes, I was. Really generous for _just_ a lap dance, don't you think?"_

_The implications behind his statement made all of the blood in Blaine's veins stop flowing. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at the older gentleman before him: salt-and-pepper hair, laugh lines around his mouth and emerald eyes, silver wired spectacles that sat on a rather attractive nose. He was handsome, but he seemed to be one of those obnoxious men who thought they were owed something for being polite. A _nice_ guy. Great. "I-"_

_"Come on now. I gave you almost $200 in cash tonight and you're gonna bail out on me now? What kind of _gracious_ person does that? Two hundred dollars is a lot of money, Shadow." He stepped closer, smirking when Blaine immediately stepped back. "I promise you that I could make it worth your while."_

_"I don't sleep with customers, sir. I'm sorry."_

_He knew he shouldn't have apologized. He shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting to have sex with some stranger who assumed he was going to get some just because he threw down some money at a dancer, but it just slipped out. His old Dalton boy mentality caught up with him at the worst time and he shook his head, hating himself a little more when the man across from him glared annoyingly._

_"That's a shame. I thought you were different, kid. Maybe you'll think about it more as the money rolls in. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, sweetcheeks." He purred in a sickeningly sweet voice, smiling dangerously at Blaine before he turned on his heel and went back to the club. Once the man was out of his sight, Blaine turned around and broke off into a run, dashing to his car at warp speed before he hopped inside and locked the doors tight, breath heaving from his chest as he struggled to keep the tears at bay. He didn't know what the man meant by his words, but he didn't like the tone; it scared the shit out of him to know that he would probably encounter this many more times in this profession... however, when he got home that night and found a notice about his overdue electric bill tacked on his front door and realized that he had just a little more than the balance needed sitting in his pocket from the dancing he did just that night, he knew he couldn't just bail out on that job now._

_And when he walked into work the following night and was pulled aside by Vinny for a meeting where he ended up getting chewed out for denying the customers a basic right (what?), he found himself being sent to the newest part of his job: the private dance rooms. That night, he went in with a knot in his throat, fear lacing his bones as he struggled to come to terms with what he was about to do. Vinny had already threatened to fire him if he didn't go through with it and they came to a compromise: handjobs only. But still, it broke his heart to know that he'd have to do something completely against his values just to make a buck._

_The whole time he thought about it as he walked to the private part of the building, he thought about Landon and how the money would make sure he was being well taken care of. Landon was all that mattered in that situation. As long as he was protected, fed, and loved, Blaine could deal with this. He could do this a few times a week, make more money, and they could be out of that shithole apartment within months._

_However, when he opened the door and was met with the words, "Hello sweetcheeks," he knew that it wouldn't come without a serious price._

::::::::::

**February 2018**

It didn't take Santana long to sneak backstage and find Blaine. At first, she bombarded her flavor of the week with a few questions and then she posed as a waitress (a la Christina Aguilera in _Burlesque_) in order to get through the crowd of horny men and to the restricted part of the club. The bouncer who watched over the backstage area let her slip by easily (_too easily_, she thought to herself as she canned the tray of drinks on a nearby table and waltzed her way through the dimly lit hallway to the dressing rooms.) Within seconds, she spotted Blaine curled up in a director's chair, legs pulled against his chest as his forehead rested against his knees. He was still crying (obviously) since his lean back was shaking with sobs and for a moment, she felt terrible for intruding on his private moment. But then she thought about her overly emotional friend in the car and she knew she had to do something; the two of them had the most fucked up relationship out of all of their friends, so she was going to try to fix things... and if she had to deal with whatever angry monster Blaine had turned into now, she'd do it.

Sighing dramatically, she took a seat on the edge of Blaine's counter, leaning back against the lighted mirror as she took in her ex-friend's sullen expression and tired eyes. This man in front of her was a far cry from the confident one she saw yesterday, the one who mesmerized their table with his moves and captivated Kurt's interest with a simple shake of his hips.

She wasn't dumb; she could tell they still loved each other.

Blaine might've hated Kurt for various reasons, but he still loved that boy like no other. It was written all over his face. There was no other reason for him to be so upset about seeing Kurt again other than the fact that he'd been found out and that Landon was exposed to the one person that Blaine never imagined him meeting. Kurt was the same way; engaged to some other man but still harboring strong feelings for the love he stupidly let go. Seeing Blaine last night was the explosion to end it all really and Santana was sure that her friend was seconds away from calling his fiance to cancel the wedding plans.

Thank god there weren't any though. Their spontaneous _bachelor party_ had been something that Rachel thought of when the whole crew landed in LA to check her out on her new tv pilot. She'd been there for a few weeks now and she wanted everyone to come see her new digs. On the way over, Santana and Mercedes drove past a strip club and Santana _knew_ she had to take Kurt there as a pseudo-celebration of his upcoming nuptials. Of course, neither Kurt nor Alexander had yet to come together with a decision on a date, but why couldn't they have fun celebrating it? It's not everyday that one of her friends is getting married.

Except this is Hummel's second time around and this time, he didn't seem too keen on the whole ordeal.

So, in order to get his mind off of things, Santana planned the whole evening out and they ended up at the strip club for their final pit stop... and that's where everything changed. That's where two shattered, jagged pieces of glass were put back together again, not completely whole but still fitting and for once in her life, Santana was glad that her rash decision led to something good... well, maybe.

"You know this isn't what I was expecting when I came backstage to visit the almighty Shadow."

"Fuck off, Santana." Blaine said quietly, his voice soft but still forceful nonetheless. He had his legs kicked up onto the counter next to hers, heavy leather knee high boots covering his muscular calves. His thighs on the other hand looked sinful in a pair of torn fishnet stockings that disappeared into the smallest pair of red shorts Santana had ever seen. Despite his outfit (or lack there of), his makeup was a mess, but that was to be expected - the guy _had_ been crying a bunch lately. He shook his head a few times and then turned away from the girl before him, dropping his legs and pushing himself up and out of his chair to head across the room for something to bide his time with before Santana left.

She didn't.

"You know, Anderson, none of us were expecting to see you here when we stopped by. You up and disappeared on us three freaking years ago and then we find you and it's like-"

"No," Blaine hissed, whirling around to point his finger in Santana's general direction. "You don't get to tell me what it's _like_, okay? You nor anybody else who fucking lived with or near me in New York has a right to say anything about me leaving because if any of you cared, you would've fucking answered your phones that night! God, you would've at least treated me like a human being, like your _friend_ instead of shutting me out like you did!" He shook his head angrily, storming across the room towards a rack of feather boas and other costume-y items. "You all treated me like shit instead of asking me what happened. You all immediately flocked to Kurt's side and shoved me away and now all of a sudden it's _my_ fault for leaving. Well, you know what? Fuck you, Santana. You and your selfish fucking friends can hightail it back to New York for all I care. I could give two shits about seeing any of you _ever_ again!"

Santana crossed her arms over her chest, frowning just a little as he watched Blaine rage before her. She understood his anger, she really did. The last time the two of them spoke face-to-face before he left was two days before he disappeared when he stopped by one final time to try and get Kurt to just _talk_ to him. Santana was home that day, Kurt was in the shower, and Rachel was off doing god knows what, so she was left with the task of shooing Blaine away - that's all she did back then anyway. She and Rachel had been on Blaine duty, so to speak. Kurt came home one afternoon in a pissed off mood, crying and screaming about something barely understandable and then Rachel noticed his ring was gone. When she asked, he told them it was over, that he was tired of Blaine's shit and stupidly, the two of them took it as Blaine had cheated again. No one bothered to ask him what happened; they both immediately took Kurt's side even though they were all friends and when Blaine stopped by that very evening, begging to talk to Kurt, Santana did what she did best - she threatened him.

She did it every single night that he came back too. But that last night she saw him, the final night anyone saw Blaine before he left (minus Sam and Mercedes who _lived_ with him), she told him flat out that no matter what, their whole crew would _always_ choose Kurt over him. They were Kurt's friends first, Blaine's by proxy, and his feelings on the matter would never be important to any of them as long as Kurt was hurting. That night, Blaine just nodded his head, stepping back and turning before he walked away from the loft and never came back. Two days later, Sam was busting into the apartment having a cow and Kurt, who for that whole month prior acted like he didn't give a shit about Blaine's wellbeing, instantly ran to grab his phone, dialing his ex's number like crazy.

By then, Blaine had done _something_ with his phone, like he shut it off or had it disconnected, but _no one_ could get a hold of him. No one in Lima nor did any of the other graduates scattered around the country heard from him either; it was like he vanished from the face of the earth... and when they realized he wasn't coming back, Kurt finally broke down and told them about what happened, about what he did. Rachel flocked to him, crying with him over the heartbreak that she knew he was feeling, but Santana... well, she felt like a complete ass. Because that whole time she thought Blaine did something terrible to Kurt, that he broke Kurt's heart again... and instead, it was the other way around. For a few weeks after that she couldn't even speak to Kurt without wanting to scream at him. She felt at fault for running Blaine off and yeah, they weren't the closest of friends, but over the years, they formed something. She respected him, he admired her, and that was that, all jokes aside. However, after he left, all she could think about was the look on his face when he finally walked away from her. It was like all the fight within him faded away and before she knew it, the Blaine they knew was gone.

Only to be replaced with this bitter, angry grown-up version of Blaine that she never expected to see. Though the more she watched him, the more she understood his anguish.

"Did you know my mother danced? Like you, I mean. She stripped to pay the bills."

Blaine stopped, dark eyes narrowing as he glared at the girl before him. "I'm pretty sure your dad's a doctor, Santana. Quit trying to make small talk with me. I don't fucking care."

"Well, if you'd just listen to me-"

"Oh, _I_ should listen to _you?_ Yeah, what a wonderful fucking concept! Figures every single one of you want me to listen to them when none of you could give me the time of day back then. How nice of you to determine who gets to speak in whatever relationship this is between us."

"I am sorry about that."

"You are not. You're sorry that you ran into me and got to witness exactly what happened to _Showboating Blaine Anderson_!"

"Blaine-"

"The exit's that-a-way, Lopez. Why don't you turn your pretty self around and walk towards it? Then you and your little cartel of sorry busybodies can hop back on your plane to the city and go on doing whatever it is you do in your perfect little bubble of former New Directions members."

"Jesus, Anderson, you are bitter."

"Yeah well, you would be too if you bent over backward for your boyfriend and they ended up dicking you over in the end," Blaine hissed, pushing past Santana to fix up his smeared, matted makeup. She watched him pop open the lock on his makeup case and when it finally opened, her heart fluttered a little in her chest at the sight of a picture of a cute little boy inside. The child in the photo was grinning, showing off his tiny teeth and he was hugging a very familiar stuffed animal against his chest. To Santana, he looked like the perfect morph between Kurt and Blaine and she sighed, glancing back up at Blaine to find him frozen in front of the mirror.

"I'm sorry you have to do all of this alone. I know you don't want to hear anything any of us have to say, but we are sorry, especially Kurt." Blaine scoffed next to her, but she continued on. "Like I said earlier, my mom did this. I was really little when she did, but my dad left and we needed the money. It was dumb. Like, one day he came in and said he was going - his family hated my mom for some odd reason, always acted like my dad married beneath him because he was a doctor and she was a single mom at the time they met... my brother, if you didn't know. He's got a different dad and everything." She glanced up to see if Blaine was listening and when she noticed him staring at his liquid eyeliner pen, she kept on.

"Anyway, my dad just walked out on us, just like that. Left my mom with absolutely nothing, cleared the bank account and everything. So my mom did what she had to do and she went back to the job she had when my brother was a baby. On nights and weekends, she'd get us a sitter and she'd go down to Lima Heights and strip at the club down there - we were still in Heights Adjacent, so it wasn't far, but that's where she went and she worked her ass off to pay our bills and keep everything straight until my dad _finally_ came back one day. For the longest, I didn't understand their relationship. Fuck, I still don't, but I respect my mom like crazy for doing what she had to do. It takes a lot to be a parent, but it takes a lot more to shove aside pain and everything in order to make a better life for your child."

Beside her, Blaine was still dead silent, tense white fingers gripping his pen as he looked down at his hidden picture of Landon. Santana could see the gears turning in his head, so she stepped back, turning to leave the dressing room and let her former friend have a moment alone. Their talk wasn't something she really planned on having - or at least not the subject they touched on, but she knew when she needed to bow out, so that's what she did. With one last parting look, she walked out of the club and waited in the parking lot for Rachel to swing back by and get her. By the time her friends pulled up in the lot, Kurt was sleeping in the passenger seat and Rachel was shaking her head, shooting a look at Santana as the other girl climbed in the back seat.

"Do you ever feel like we made a big mistake back then when we did what we did?"

"If you're talking about the way we treated Anderson, then yes, I do."

Rachel looked down at the steering wheel, shaking her head before she looked up and locked eyes with Santana in the rearview mirror. "Me too."

::::::::::

**January 2017**

_"So I met this guy. His name's Alexander and I think we're gonna move in together."_

_"What?"_

_"Hummel, that is honestly the worst idea I've ever heard. You just met the guy and you're gonna move in with him. Do you not remember what happened when you and Blaine moved in together? I mean, honestly-" Santana paused, rolling her eyes as she waved off the vicious glare Kurt was sending her way. No one talked about Blaine much anymore, not if they didn't want to see a side of Kurt that made them all otherwise sad or annoyed. Blaine was the topic that nobody touched upon; he was still a sore subject in many of their eyes, especially with the amount of guilt the lot of them carried as they thought about his leaving and the reasoning behind it. None of them had been good friends to him and finally he snapped, packed up, and left. It had been years since anyone saw him, but Santana knew Kurt still wondered and thought about him from time to time (time to time meaning always.) However, not wanting to get into it with her friend, she kept her mouth shut most of the time, letting him live in his strange little world with the consequences of his actions. "Okay, so tell me about this guy."_

_"Well, I met him at a Vogue party and we hit it off. He's really cute, has quite a body on him, and he's pretty nice too. Oh, and he's... great in the sack, if you know what I mean."_

_Rachel squealed, but Santana gagged, disgusted by even hearing about it before her food came. It wasn't like she hadn't heard enough about Kurt's sex life. Ever since the Blaine debacle, Kurt ran a little rampant, trying to feel _something_ according to what Rachel said he told her, but still, just the topic made her queasy. She didn't care about his sex life, especially when she was having a dry spell herself._

_"So what? Are you gonna marry this guy or something?" Her comment was lazily tossed out there and she really didn't think they'd hear it since they were too busy babbling on and on about this Alexander fellow and his nice apartment and big bank account. However, when Kurt glanced over at her with a hurt expression, she frowned. "Okay, honestly, it's been years-"_

_"I don't know, Santana. We're taking it slow right now-"_

_"Yeah, because moving in with each other after having a wild night of drunken sex at a party is taking it slow."_

_"-but maybe someday something will happen. We'll see." He looked down at his hand, at the finger that once held a ring that everyone knew he kept hidden in his underwear drawer. It had been the one thing Blaine left behind, just sitting there on the dresser on his bare side of the room like taking it with him would've been the most painful thing to do. When Sam saw it there the day he discovered Blaine was gone, he came back with it and threw it at Kurt, all the while screaming and flipping out about his best friend leaving. Kurt picked the ring up, cupped it in his palm, and held it there against his heart, shaking his head several times before he ran off to call Blaine._

_The ring had been in his possession ever since._

_"So if you two get engaged, are you finally gonna pawn off that ring Anderson gave you or are you gonna keep it for memory's sake?" She knew her teasing would only piss of Kurt further, but she was done with this whole thing, done doing the same old, same old with her friends when it came to Kurt. It felt like they were coddling him even though it was something _he_ did and while she did love Kurt like a brother, she was over the whole babying him thing._

_Beside her, Kurt shook his head, reaching out to take his glass of wine between his fingers. "I don't know what I'll do with that ring if I ever get engaged again, but I'm not gonna think about it right now. Right now, I'm gonna get ready to move in with Alex and we'll see how it goes from there." As he sipped his wine, Rachel toasted him for good luck and Santana downed her glass in one fell swoop, exhaustion from this whole fucking situation driving her to want another drink (and another and then another.)_

::::::::::

It was late when the girls and Kurt finally pulled back up in front of Rachel's apartment building. Kurt woke up a few minutes before they hit home, so he was longingly staring out the window and Santana was watching him from her spot in the backseat, wondering what could be going through his head. Surprisingly, she noticed he kept on taking his engagement ring and sliding it on and off unconsciously, like wearing it was a burden and she wondered if it had anything to do with Blaine. (She was sure it did.)

"Did Blaine say anything when you went to talk to him?"

"Other than the fact that he cussed me out and demanded I leave. No, nothing really. That kid's the angriest I've ever seen him, let me tell ya. You would think fatherhood would mellow out a person, but-"

"Did he mention Landon?"

"No, but he's got a picture of him in his dressing room. He's cute and he's totally your kid. He couldn't get anymore Anderson-Hummel-esque if he tried." In front of her, Rachel made a soft cooing sound and Kurt smiled sadly, looking back out of the window again.

"He _is _adorable. I just can't believe that he's so big-"

"Well it has been a few years, Kurt. If Blaine was a few months pregnant when you broke up, Landon would be a least three now, right? So he's a toddler and- god, soon he'll be old enough for preschool. How crazy!" Rachel was rambling and Santana smirked at her, shaking her head as the more the other girl talked, the more shut down Kurt became. God, she loved Kurt with all her heart, but it was really hard to feel bad for him in this situation when she really put everything from the last few years together. Just seeing Blaine that night made her feel like complete crap because she knew how hard it was on her mother to do what Blaine does night after night. Obviously he'd been in a bad place before he went there because Blaine Anderson had never been the type to set foot in a club like that unless it was for personal enjoyment or whatever weird stuff he was into. Working there wasn't something _anyone_ imagined for Blaine in the future; Broadway or anything involving teaching seemed to the best bet back then, but then his life got turned upside down and now he was dancing for dollars in order to keep him and his son off of the streets.

Still thinking about what she saw that evening, Santana completely missed a certain something - or _someone_ - that had both Kurt and Rachel flipping out when they spotted them in parking lot of Rachel's complex. The two began chatting a mile a minute before they hopped out of the parked car and Santana rolled her eyes, unbuckling her seatbelt before she climbed out and found herself staring across the way at none other than Blaine Anderson's former best friend, Sam Evans.

::::::::::

"Shadow?"

"Yes?" Blaine whispered, pushing himself away from the counter of which he leaned on. Santana had left him alone almost an hour ago, but he barely moved from his spot, instead lazing about in the back while everyone else ran back and forth to perform and wait tables. He knew it wouldn't be long until Vinny came looking for him; he'd pushed back his set twice already, but to his surprise, it wasn't Vinny but _Brandi_ who came back to get him.

"You've got a client in the zebra room," the older woman said softly and Blaine sighed, turning to check himself out in the mirror before he followed her out into the sea of people. A few regulars cheered when they saw him walk out of backstage and he nodded at them, putting on his showface as he wandered through the crowds and back to the room that he and Kurt argued in just the night before. "Client requested you play _Bump 'n Grind_ by R. Kelly-"

The color faded from Blaine's cheeks and he swallowed deeply, stomach churning as they stopped outside of a very familiar room. He knew who this client was; this same guy always requested R. Kelly whenever he came to get _counseling_ from Blaine. It was _their_ song, according to the customer and knowing who was going to be behind those doors made Blaine's skin crawl. Taking a steadying breath, he schooled his face into something seductive and opened the door, heart dropping to his toes when the client sitting before him spoke up, a dark smile on his face.

"It's been a while, hasn't it, sweetcheeks?"

* * *

**A/N: Ahh, another long chapter. I wrote most of this before I was to be at the doctor this morning and then I ended up running late. Oops. Thank goodness my doctor was running late too, right? Haha! Anyway, this customer of Blaine's will show up again, but don't expect some huge storyline behind that. I'm just trying to show the downsides/issues that come along sometimes with work like Blaine's. Umm, anyway... thanks for the reviews the last chapter and if there's something you think should be shown in future chapters, drop me a line! Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) By the way, I own nothing!**

* * *

"Do you need me to stay any longer? Or should I-"

"You can go if you want. You've been on your feet since you got off work and I'd hate to make you stay around here any longer when you need to get some sleep." Blaine dropped his duffel bag next to the pile of shoes that sat on the floor in the hall, sighing once the heavy bag was off of his shoulder. Avery was standing across from him, arms crossed over her chest as she studied her friend's stature. As soon as Blaine walked in the door, she could tell he had a rough night at work and while she wanted to talk to him about it, she knew that when he came in looking like _that_, talking wouldn't be something he'd be up to doing for quite some time.

"Okay, well... Landon's fast asleep. He did have a bit of an accident earlier-"

"What kind of accident?"

"Well, he threw up. I don't know if it was something he ate or if he just wasn't feeling too hot, but he's not running a fever or anything, so I'm thinking it's because he was running around too much. I'd keep an eye on him though and if anything changes, give me a call. I'd hate for him to be sick; he's my little buddy."

Blaine nodded, lips pursed tightly as he stared down the hall to where Landon's room was. Avery watched him sadly, reaching out to pat his arm before she turned to grab up her purse and slip on her shoes. With a quiet goodbye, she kissed Blaine on his cheek, frowning when she smelled the strong scent of soap on Blaine's skin. It wasn't that she had anything against being clean, but she knew what it meant when Blaine came home smelling like _that_ and it broke her heart.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Love you."

"Love you too, Aves. Thanks for watching him tonight."

"It's never a problem. I love him. Goodnight, B. Call me if you need anything."

Once Avery was out the door, Blaine shut and locked it behind him, leaning back against the heavy wood as he closed his eyes and prayed for the headache blooming behind them to fade away. It had been a _long_ night, one of the toughest he'd dealt with in a while and he was sure it was because of the ridiculous amount of crazy shit that popped back up in his life over the last few days. Just hours ago, he dealt with not only Kurt, but also Santana and now he feared Rachel and Mercedes would show up just to spite him too. Honestly, he really didn't care to see any of them again. He didn't need them anymore. Years ago, when he was pregnant and alone and missing his friends, he wanted to accidentally run into them because he missed them so. Now though... now that they were back in his life (even if it was only for a few days), he wanted them _gone_.

Yawning, he double-checked the locks and made his way down the darkened hallway, peeking into Landon's room to find his little boy all curled up in his bed, blankets askew even though he was cuddled up in a little ball. Seeing him like that and knowing that he wasn't feeling well broke Blaine's heart and he swallowed thickly, tip-toeing into his son's room and up to the toddler's tiny bed. Quietly, he knelt beside him, brushing his fingers over Landon's curly hair and over his chubby cheeks. The child's skin was cool thankfully, so maybe it wasn't a cold or the flu like he feared, but to make sure (and to keep an eye on him), he reached down and scooped his son up into his arms, carefully carrying the sleeping boy down the hall to his bedroom where he laid Landon down on his giant bed and went to change into his pjs. As he changed, he ignored the reddened fingerprints that littered his hipbones as well as the palm shaped redness that stained his backside. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought about how ashamed he was to even be covered in marks like that. When he first started stripping, he thought the job wouldn't be so hard, but as the years went by, things changed and now he was stuck doing things he never imagined doing.

Those fucking marks on his skin were constant reminders of how much things had changed. Nauseated, he quickly covered them up, yanking a pair of sweatpants and a shirt over his body before he could become any more disgusted with himself. As he was throwing his other clothes into the hamper, Landon whimpered, kicking out his tiny legs as he rolled over and started to whine in his sleep.

"Oh honey," Blaine murmured, rushing across the room to climb into bed with his child, humming low in his throat as Landon immediately crawled over to cuddle up against him. The little boy whimpered again, tiny hands squeezing Blaine's sleep shirt tight. "Do you feel sick, baby?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want me to take you to the bathroom? Are you gonna throw up?"

"No." His voice sounded so small in the large quiet bedroom; just the crack in his son's voice made the tears from earlier well back up in Blaine's throat and he rolled over, curling his body around Landon's as he began to sing his son's favorite song, the one he used to sing to him when Lan was just a fussy, colicky newborn.

"You are the sunshine of my life..."

::::::::::

**October 2016**

_The farmer's market was busy, hundreds of people walking through the stalls to peek at the autumn's best fruit and vegetables. Blaine was wandering through the crowds, hands tightly gripping Landon's stroller as he struggled to navigate them through the annoying group of people who kept stopping to talk in front of him. He was tired, exhausted from having worked so late the night before, but that morning was the last day for the upcoming week that the market would be open, so he wanted to get what he could while he had the chance. "Excuse me. Sorry," he apologized, pushing the stroller past a family looking at squash until he was on the other side of the booth. For a moment, he studied the veggies in the bin and then pulled a couple out, squeezing them to test their ripeness before he handed them over to the vendor and paid for his purchase._

_Landon, who had been napping away in his seat, suddenly squealed, causing Blaine to jump as he was taking the bag of vegetables back from the seller. Glancing down, his heart stopped in his chest when he saw a very familiar pair of green eyes staring back up at him._

_"I didn't know you were a daddy."_

No. No no no no no no no. _The words kept repeating themselves in Blaine's brain as he looked at the man who was currently kneeling down and cooing at his child. It was his worst nightmare - running into someone from work, whether it be a customer or a fellow dancer, and having them find out about his son. A long time ago, he thought it would be terrible to run into a customer _anywhere_, but now, seeing one of his regulars (the very same one who he never, _ever_ wanted to see outside of work) babbling at his son, he wanted to throw up. Sensing his nervousness, the man stepped back, smiling at Blaine before he wiggled his finger and pointed to a quiet spot of the market where one of the vendors had already packed up and left. Blaine looked at him, really _looked_, and then followed, fingers tightly clenching the handles of Landon's stroller. His almost two-year-old son was singing to himself, jumbled jibberish filtering through the air as his daddy pushed him through the crowds of people. Once they were farther away from the group, the man turned and offered Blaine a sincere smile, looking down at Landon._

_"This is why you dance?"_

_Through his clenched teeth, Blaine answered. "Yes."_

_"He's a cutie. I can see why you do what you do. Parenting is hard."_

_"You-"_

_"I have my own kids. They're grown now though." The man smiled again and then looked back at Blaine. "You making enough money?"_

_"I make enough to get by."_

_"But do you make enough to live comfortably?"_

_"I fail to see how that is any of your business," Blaine hissed, now becoming more weary of the person before him. One minute he was enjoying a day out with his son, shopping for food for their dinner, and the next, he was being bombarded by one of his regulars, uncomfortably being questioned about his personal life by a man who didn't have any right to do so._

_"I'm just saying that... you've got a young son. He's gonna keep on growing and children get more expensive as they get older. You could probably use a little more money-"_

_"I don't think-"_

_"You're a good dancer, kid. You're talented and _very_ good with your hands. I can't imagine how great you'd be doing _other_ things." The man looked Blaine up and down, taking in the sight of him in a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and jacket. "If you upped your ante at the club, I guarantee people would pay top dollar for someone like you. I mean I know _I _would." He stepped forward, easing himself into Blaine's personal space as he dropped his hand onto the younger man's elbow, his smile increasing as Blaine tensed up under his touch. "Think about it, okay babe?"_

_With that, the strange guy walked off, leaving a nervous, trembling Blaine standing off to the side with his white-knuckled hands still gripping Landon's stroller. The baby giggled, waving his tiny hand as the man turned back around to wave goodbye at the couple, and once he was gone, Blaine wiped away the tears from the corner of his eyes, fear chilling his bones over the things he was just propositioned in front of his own _child_._

::::::::::

"Come on, Lan. Let's put on your jacket. Arms up!" The toddler whined instead, tucking his head into his daddy's chest as Blaine tried to slip his coat on. Rolling his eyes, Blaine kissed the top of Landon's feverish scalp as he scooped the child up and set him on the kitchen table, "C'mon, baby. Let daddy put your coat on so we can go. The faster we get there, the faster you'll feel better."

Landon finally complied, lifting his little arms into the air so Blaine could slide each sleeve of the child's jacket on him before he zipped his sick boy inside and picked him up, settling him on his hip while he grabbed up whatever else he needed to take to the clinic with him. _Wallet, phone, keys, Margaret Thatcher dog? Check._ Once he was sure he had everything, he (and Landon) left the apartment, making sure the door locked behind them before they headed on down to the car. The morning air was chilly and feeling its cool breeze against his skin only made Blaine worry more when he felt his son's too warm forehead press against the bare skin of his neck. "I'll be alright, sweetie. Daddy'll make it better." With one hand, he unlocked the car and carefully lowered Landon into his car seat, locking him inside before he hopped into the driver's seat and began the long drive to their primary pediatrician. Ever since the move from his shady neighborhood to this nicer one, he made the commute to and from both of his jobs and other various places daily. The drives were long, but he had yet to find a better pediatrician in the area and both of his jobs were still located back in the old town he lived in, so he just dealt with it.

The money was good however and he could afford the commute, so he just dealt with it. Though he was sure one day he'd need to change things up eventually. When? He wasn't sure, but if he needed to, he would.

"You okay back there, Lan?" He asked, glancing in his rearview mirror to see if his son was doing alright with the drive. The toddler opened his tired eyes and grimaced, skin pale and cheeks red from fever. The sight broke Blaine's heart. "We're gonna go see Auntie Avery and her friend Bob, okay? They'll make you better." He didn't dare say the word _doctor_ to his son, knowing the full-on meltdown Landon would have over the word, so he just called the doc by his first name. Avery was already at the clinic waiting for him since her shift at the hospital didn't start for a couple hours. After Blaine called her that morning, she offered to tag along with Blaine while they made sure whatever Landon had wasn't serious. Honestly, Avery thought it was a 24-hour stomach bug, but Blaine in all his fatherly glory was worried about something more than that. So, whenever he woke up that morning and felt his son curled up against him feeling like a portable heater, he immediately made the decision to take Landon to the doctor, flu or not.

"Almost there, bub." He said softly whenever Landon grumbled once again, whining in his soft voice that his tummy hurt. "Just another minute." He could see the clinic up ahead as he made his final turn down the street, but right before he could pull into the parking lot, Landon cried out and then threw up all over himself, sobbing when he realized what happened. "Oh honey," Blaine murmured, parking the car quickly before he hopped out and rushed to the backseat. Avery was coming out of the building as he darted to the back and she too began to help Blaine unbuckle the sick little guy from his seat.

"Did he just do that?"

"Yeah. I was coming around the turn to pull in here and he started puking. Oh honey." Cooing, Blaine wiped at Landon's mouth and clothing with a few baby wipes, tossing them carelessly on the floor until his son was mostly cleaned up. Once Landon looked, smelled, and felt a little better, Blaine picked him up and gently carried him into the clinic with Avery on his tail, his nurse friend doing what she did best: analyzing everything that occurred with Landon over the last 24 hours.

Over an hour later, the small family (Avery included) came out of the clinic with various prescriptions and orders for little Landon to stay in bed for a day or two to rest up his tired body. He unfortunately had the flu (like Avery thought) and while it was a mild case, the doctor wanted him to get all the rest he could so that what he had didn't get any worse. Sighing, Blaine buckled his sleepy child into his car seat and then bid Avery goodbye, promising to call her later if any changes occurred in Landon's temperature or demeanor. By the time his best friend was driving off, Blaine was sitting in the driver's seat of his car, chest heaving as he struggled to take in precious breaths. It felt like everything was coming down on him at once, especially in such a short amount of time.

Work was rough, having to leave Landon a lot to make sure they weren't going to enter into any more money troubles was harder, and as if it couldn't get any worse, the last week alone was probably one of the worst Blaine had had in a while. His car died a few weeks ago so Avery was taking him to work when she could; he just got the car back the day before and the bill was atrocious. Also, Kurt and his friends came in and messed with him, so his nerves were shot... and now _this_ with Landon. It was like he couldn't catch a break, like some higher power thought it would be cute to fuck with him for a bit until he finally cracked.

And, oh god was he so close to cracking. So fucking close.

Inhaling shakily, he backed his car out of the parking space and went to make the long drive back home, hands trembling as he struggled to keep his composure until he was safe in the privacy of his apartment. Within an hour, he was standing in the elevator of his building with Landon fast asleep against his chest, eyes closed as he waited for the lift to stop so he could take his sick son home, curl up in bed with him, and fall asleep, ignoring the rest of the world around him.

When the elevator dinged, he exhaled and stepped out, tightening his grip on Lan with one hand while his other fidgeted with his keys to unlock the door. It wasn't until he was steps away from his apartment that he realized there was someone standing in front of his door - the person tall, blonde, and staring directly at him.

"Blaine-"

"No. I can't deal with this right now. Go away, Sam."

"Are you-"

"My son is sick! I'm not about to entertain you or your apologies or whatever you're here for! Please just move! I can't deal with this-"

Sam stepped away from the door, blue eyes wide as he took in the sight of his former best friend pushing past him to unlock his door. The other man's hands were quivering as he tried to push the key into the deadbolt, his other arm straining against the weight of his son who was completely deadweight as he slept on against Blaine's chest. Tears sprung in Blaine's eyes, quiet hissed curses slipping from his lips as he struggled to get the key to just go in the fucking lock.

"Do you need any-"

"I don't need anything from you!" Blaine exploded, gasping when the key ring slid from his fingers and fell to the floor. Landon squirmed in his arms, whining a bit as his sleep was disturbed. "Sorry, baby. Daddy's sorry. I'll get you inside in a second. Hold on." Rubbing his now free hand against Landon's back, Blaine shook his head and sniffled, swallowing heavily before he began to try to kneel in order to pick up his keys. Sam was two steps ahead of him however, and already had the keys in hand, flipping through them to get to the key that he saw Blaine holding out earlier. With a sad sigh, he slid the key into the deadbolt and unlocked it, waiting until Blaine pointed out the other key for the doorknob before he unlocked that too. Once the door was open, Sam handed his former friend back his keys and watched as the man slid inside, kicking the door shut behind him.

Before the door completely slammed, Sam could hear his friend's breath hitch with a sob and his heart ached over how bad he felt for upsetting him so much.

::::::::::

**December 2014**

_Landon screamed, his tiny face scrunched and cheeks reddened as he cried over yet another diaper change. For such a small human being, the kid had lungs on him that could rival the greatest opera singers and it made Blaine wonder sometimes if his son would grow up to be a performer like both of his fathers were. Though nowadays there wasn't much for Blaine to sing about. He was a brand new father, all alone in a big, _big_ city. Sure, he was living with Cooper for the time being, but his brother was still shooting something off in Chicago and hadn't even been back home to meet his nephew, so for the last few months, Blaine had been doing it all alone. Landon was a little over a month old now, having been born a few days before Halloween, and while Christmas was just around the corner, Blaine didn't feel like celebrating it much at all. Especially since he was just so freaking tired._

_Exhaustion bled through his bones. His days and nights were spent cradling his sickly newborn, crying along with the baby as Landon screamed his head off due to his tummy troubles and the fact that he was colicky as hell. Time seemed to melt together; hours and days sped by and by the time Landon was a month old, Blaine had completely forgotten what day it was. He himself was still healing from the birth, the scar that sat low on his belly healing nicely but still aching with the overexertion that being a single parent brought. He didn't even have someone to help him watch Landon while he bathed or ate. Whenever he needed to do something, he'd otherwise have his son strapped up in his carseat so that he could carry the infant to wherever he needed to go _or_ he'd cradle Landon against his chest while he dragged himself through making yet another tv dinner or whatever was the easiest to whip up._

_Another loud scream came from below him and Blaine glanced down, sighing when he realized that he zoned out once again and his son was still waiting for his diaper to be put on him. Checking to make sure he got everything all cleaned up and dry, he secured the new diaper on Landon's bottom and then redressed the baby, making a quick wash of his hands before he picked his son up and left the public restroom to head back out into the grocery store. He was almost out of the tiny enclave where the restrooms were when he bumped into a woman, a quick apology gasping from his mouth as he stepped back, tightening his grip on Landon. The woman also apologized, words slipping from her lips a mile a minute as she glanced up to see who she ran into... and that's when they recognized each other._

_"Nurse Avery?"_

_"Oh my goodness! Blaine, how lovely to see you! Oh, oh gosh, and there's Landon! Oh, he's grown so much. How precious!" The woman began cooing over the baby and Blaine smiled, lowering his arms a bit to allow her to have a closer look at him. When she asked to hold him, he gladly handed him over, remembering how gentle and kind she was towards Landon when she was their nurse at the hospital. While Avery held the baby, she asked Blaine all about how the first month or so had gone, frowning when her former patient gave her tense, one word answers. She brushed her fingers over the tiny curls that decorated Landon's head and when she commented on them, she couldn't help but notice how sad the man before her seemed as he stared at his child. "Is everything okay, Blaine?"_

_It took him a second, like he was thinking about saying anything at all, but he finally broke down, telling her about how tough everything had been and how he was doing it all on his own. By the time he was finished telling her about his hardships, she was dragging him to the cafe on the other side of the store, plopping him in a chair while she took the seat across from him. "Tell me everything," she said and he did, talking from the beginning, telling her about his former fiance and their break-up and how he found out about his pregnancy right before he left. By the time he was done, he cried over being ashamed that he blabbed so much to someone he barely knew, but the girl across from him just took his hand and promised him that she'd help him out. She'd watch out for him, help him whenever he needed it. They could be friends, the best of friends._

_And as time went on, they became just that._

::::::::::

"What am I gonna do? I can't work tonight and they- they keep on showing up everywhere!"

"Did you tell them you're gonna call the cops?"

"I told Kurt. The others... they just show up at the club and expect me to talk to them. And it's not like I can just kick them out. I was able to get Vinny to get Kurt out the other night, but he won't continue doing that - he thinks it means lost business." Blaine sighed, fixing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he reached into the cabinet for a container of chicken bouillon cubes for the soup he was making. He could hear Avery grumbling on her end of the call and he knew she was thinking of something, perhaps plotting a plan to help him out. "Aves?"

"I won't be able to do anything since I have a shift tonight, but I can stop by tomorrow after work and stay with you just in case anyone comes back. Then I can watch Lan if Cooper can't or if he can, I'll just hang out at the club with you and if those assholes show up, they'll have to deal with me first."

"I can't ask you to do that, Aves. You've been working so hard and you never sleep-"

"Neither do you."

"Our lives are completely different. You don't sleep because you're a nurse and you help people. I don't sleep because-"

"You're a daddy who has a child to take care of."

"That's not-"

"You know it's true. I'm including _everything_ you do for Landon in that - work and all, so don't argue. _Now_ I'll give you a call once I get off shift and then I'll be over, okay? Save me some soup."

"Can do," Blaine chuckled, bidding his friend goodbye before he set his phone on the counter and went back to stirring up the ingredients for the soup he was making his sick son. Landon was several feet away in the other room, curled up in a ball on the couch as he watched cartoons, his arms wrapped around Margaret Thatcher dog. His fever had gone down a little and his appetite seemed to be back, so Blaine was making him some tummy-friendly soup that he hoped his little boy could eat. "Hey Lan, do you need anymore juice?"

There wasn't a response, so he crept into the living room, smiling when he noticed his son fast asleep, head lulled to the side as he drooled all over his pillow. Reaching down, Blaine pulled the blankets over the toddler, kissing his hair before he went back to the kitchen to finish making dinner. As he chopped up carrots and celery, he let his mind slip back to hours earlier when he saw Sam standing in front of his front door. It had been such a shock at the time, a little scary to see his former best friend in LA _years_ after Sam turned his back on him. At that moment in time, he wanted to flip out on him much like he had with Kurt and Santana, but with Landon being sick and everything weighing down on him, all Blaine could do was ask Sam to get out of his way. Thankfully, he did.

Of course, now knowing that practically everyone was in LA for some reason made the hair on the back of his neck stand up... because now they'd be everywhere wanting to talk or apologize or something else that Blaine could care less about. He'd done so well the last three years without them, so what made them think that he needed them now? Grumbling, he scooped the chopped veggies up and dumped them into the boiling pot of chicken stock, popping the lid on soon after, his body sagging against the counter as he stared at his phone sitting there all alone.

Eventually he'd have to call Vinny and tell him he wasn't coming in, but at that moment, all he really wanted to do was tell everybody to fuck off, take his son, and runaway again. He didn't care, not anymore. He just wanted to be alone. It was easier that way. Whenever it was just him and Landon (and occasionally Avery), things were easier. He didn't have to think about how he failed at keeping friends _and_ a fiance back home, how everyone there hated him enough to let him go without a fight. He could be lost in his own little world, doing what he needed to make sure his son was well-taken care of. Now he had this dark cloud looming over him that was the possibility of Kurt running home to his fiance (who Blaine imagined was a powerful lawyer type) and that the two of them would try to get custody of Landon from him... and they'd win because they would go to the courts saying that Blaine was a terrible father who stripped and gave handjobs to random men.

Then he'd lose custody and not have anything to live for anymore and... _stop, Blaine_. He shook his head, pushing away from the counter as he went to stir the boiling pot on the stove. His guts still wrenched inside him, stomach churning as he thought about what was in store for the future of him and his son now that all of the old New York crew knew about them. Someday soon things would all fall apart for him yet again, as they always did whenever New York was involved-

"Daddy?"

-but when it came down to it, Blaine would battle to keep his child safe and with _him_ no matter what. Apologies or not, he wasn't about to go down without a fight. Not when it came to Landon, not when it came to protecting the one thing most important in his life.

"I'm on my way, baby. Hold on. Daddy's on his way."

* * *

**A/N: There will be more of everyone else (and the drama) in the next chapter. I just wanted to let everyone see Blaine interact with Landon and see how he functions as a father (complete with flashbacks for early daddy!Blaine feels.) I hope you liked it. Sorry this wasn't posted yesterday too. I planned on having it out, but I just found out that I have pneumonia (it's like a mild case or something, I dunno) but it's kicking my butt and yesterday I was soooo tired that I gave up on finishing this chapter because I couldn't keep my eyes open (nor could I breathe!) Alas, I was able to finish it today and now I'm going back to bed because I'm still dead tired. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Reviews are greatly appreciated! (That saying about reviews kinda reminds me of when you go to a coffee shop and they have that little jar there that's like TIPS ARE APPRECIATED, you know? Okay, enough rambling. Happy reading!)**


	6. Chapter 6

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) The songs mentioned in this chapter are _Pour Some Sugar on Me_ by Def Leppard and _Bump 'N Grind _by R. Kelly. You should listen to them to get a feel of what Blaine's dancing to. By the way, I don't have rights to them either and I am not affiliated with those artists. Anyway, I own nothing!**

**TRIGGER WARNING: Attempted Rape. This chapter is gonna be fairly angsty. Remember, this is based on a blangst prompt so it definitely wasn't gonna be sunshine and rainbows! Just thought I'd warn ya about the angst too! Oh, and there's a few quotes from episode 3x08 from Sam and Blaine's fight in here too. See if you spot them!**

* * *

Kurt took a sip of his steaming coffee and directed his attention back outside to where crowds of people were wandering through the city, tourists and natives alike going about their business on the cool, late February day. To him, it wasn't that cold considering he'd lived in New York for years and in Ohio for a decade plus before than that, but it was amusing to see the native Californians freaking out over something that was _well_ above freezing.

"Anybody sitting here?" A voice asked to his left and he turned, smiling and rolling his eyes when he noticed Sam standing before him.

"Nope. I'm having coffee all by myself. What a loser, right?"

"The biggest," Sam teased, dropping into his seat with a huff. Now that he had someone to talk to, Kurt turned away from the window and faced Sam, laughing when he noticed that his friend had an iced coffee and a plate full of cookies.

"No photoshoots this week?"

"I had one last week. I got these because I feel like shit."

"You feel like shit, so you're gonna eat cookies?"

"It's about Blaine, okay?" Sam grumbled, voice quiet. Kurt immediately dropped it, knowing that if he pushed any farther, Sam would snap at him and he really didn't want to get into _that_ again. It was bad enough that he had to shove Sam off of him just three days before when his friend came into the apartment fuming about what he saw at Blaine's apartment. According to him, Landon was sick and Blaine was seconds away from falling apart, something that he must've done as soon as he closed the door behind him that day. While Sam was flipping out about it, Kurt shrunk away, turning to go hide in the guest room he was staying at. Of course, when Sam saw him leaving, he struck, coming after Kurt with words that Kurt hadn't heard in years. By the end of the fight, emotions were still running high, but Mercedes, Santana, and Rachel were in between them doing their best to get the rage that was flowing through the room to disappear.

It took Sam a while to calm down after that, but soon he was apologizing to Kurt for snapping and the next thing Kurt knew, they were talking about their regrets regarding Blaine and how strange it was that he had a child now... a child that was _Kurt's_.

"Do you think he's back at work yet?" Sam asked, snapping Kurt from his thoughts of their previous fight. He looked up, catching Sam's blue eyes with a blank look.

"Hell if I know. I went up there last night and the bouncer said he was still out. I thought about going to see if everything was okay at his place, but... we've been pestering him so much lately and if Landon's sick, I don't want to stress him out any further. Him _or_ Landon."

"Do you ever think about what would've happened if you would've found out that he was pregnant _before_ he left? Like if he was able to reach one of us that night? Or if he hadn't shut off his phone after he left?"

"Since I saw Landon that night, I... that's all I've thought about. Like," Kurt paused, tracing his finger along the rim of his coffee cup, "I can't imagine how betrayed he felt that night and then to find out _that_ above all else? He had to have been _terrified_. I just- I've been thinking about what happened to us and what we- _I _did and then I think about what he's been doing just to survive and I- I _hate_ it. I hate it, Sam."

"I know. I do too. I've been there, remember?"

Kurt nodded, reaching out to steal a cookie from Sam's plate, his fingers breaking it into bite size pieces before he popped one into his mouth. He and Sam discussed the whole stripping thing after their fight as well, Kurt confessing his knowledge of Blaine's _counseling_ requirement at the club, which for some strange reason didn't seem to bother Sam too badly. If anything, he just nodded solemnly and asked Kurt to continue, his facial expression getting darker by the minute as he listened to Kurt tell him about what he saw and _heard_ at the club. That whole night they stayed up talking, discussing Blaine and how much his life changed. By the end of the evening, Kurt was tuckered out, weighed down with emotional stress and Sam wasn't much better, slipping away to curl up next to his wife and wrap around her, one hand protectively covering her belly as he thought about their own growing child.

To think about the things Blaine had to do to make sure his son was taken care of... it was heartbreaking and if Sam ever got the chance to have a word with his former bestie, he would apologize to the sun and back.

"Are you going to try again tonight? You're not gonna be in LA much longer."

Kurt bit his lip in response to Sam's question, looking down at his phone that he had placed in the middle of the table. "I'm actually gonna stay here a little longer. Alex called me and he's not coming back from Prague for another two weeks. He... he doesn't even think anything of it anymore. He leaves on these trips and then doesn't come back for months. We hardly ever talk nowadays and whenever we do communicate, it's because he's calling to tell me he's gonna be gone longer and that he's _sent_ me something." He rolled his eyes, scoffing to himself as he thought about the conversation he had with his fiance earlier that morning. "That's what he called about today - he's gonna be gone longer _and_ he got me a present."

"Maybe he feels bad and that's why he sends you gifts?"

"That doesn't mean that I _want_ to be gifted something expensive every single time this happens. I'm tired of being stuck in that apartment by myself all the time. It's like his work is more important than me and I feel like I'm just there for the hell of it. _I look good with him, we make a cute couple_ - that's what everybody says to us and that's it. They don't know us together; they know _him_ and I'm just the accessory."

"That's probably not what they-"

"Alex has this co-worker named Antonio; he's kind of Alex's boss, so to say. Well Antonio's girlfriend is a model named Valentina and we were at a party over Christmas break where everyone kept on commenting on Valentina's engagement ring. I went over to compare our rings because, you know, I wanted to see if hers was nicer than mine... and we got to talking. And you know what? Her relationship with Antonio is _just_ like mine with Alex! She even had the nerve to say that she completely understood why I was with Alex because she's with Antonio for the same reason!"

"How is that-"

"Valentina's a known gold digger, Sam! Everyone in the industry knows how she hooked up with that guy for his money and when she shows up at events, people talk about how she's his hot arm candy. That's what I am to them! I'm not Kurt Hummel, accomplished NYADA graduate etcetera etcetera; I'm Kurt Hummel the gold digging arm candy fiance of a successful photographer!"

"Kurt-"

"Do you know how angry that makes me? That people see me that way when I worked my ass off to get out of NYADA and try to get on Broadway? I spent my life wanting to make it big and I haven't. I was scared to death that someday I would be outshined by the person I loved and when it started to happen, I broke away from him in order to stop it before it started... and where did that leave me? I'm still in the shadows. I'm still everything I was scared of becoming and I've gotten nowhere. Now I'm engaged to someone who doesn't seem to give two craps over whether or not we're actually ever together and the one person I ever really loved is a completely different human being who strips for money!"

Sam remained silent, head shaking negatively as he listened to Kurt ramble on, his voice growing tighter and higher as he got more emotional. Thank god the coffee shop was busy and loud with customers, otherwise people would be staring. However, no matter how upset his friend was getting, Sam knew that it was probably for the best for Kurt to get it all out. He'd been living a lie for the last three years, lying to himself that he was okay after Blaine left when in all reality, he was far from it. Sam was there when it all went down. He was furious that Blaine disappeared and he blamed Kurt for the longest until the guilt finally ate at him and showed him that, _yeah_ despite Kurt being the one who broke up with Blaine, everyone else could've easily stayed neutral between the two and been friends with them both. For a while, Sam tried to appease that neutrality; he spent time with both Blaine and Kurt until Mercedes started to grind on him about being Blaine's friend. There was talk that Blaine cheated again and while at first Sam didn't believe it, he did start to wonder when he noticed his friend moping around again much like he had whenever he cheated the first time. By then, he started to go out with Mercedes more and Blaine got pushed farther away and before he knew it, he'd completely left Blaine out of everything.

That night at dinner with everyone at the loft, there was an obvious empty space - as there had been for weeks - but everyone acted like it was okay. Well, all up until Kurt's phone started ringing. Sam could remember everything from that night: the way Kurt looked at his phone and ignored the call, the way Rachel's phone started and then Santana's followed by everyone else's. His was last and he fought like crazy over answering it, fear overwhelming at him because what if Blaine was hurt or if he was about to do something stupid? He was seconds away from accepting the call when Rachel reached out and snatched the phone clear out of his hand, swiping her finger across the _decline_ button before she dropped it back on the table.

Several hours later, he and Mercedes were walking into a silent apartment and when he went to Blaine's room to see if everything was alright, he was met with even more silence and a bare bones bedroom, the only item left behind being Kurt's old engagement ring.

It was one of the worst days of his life.

"Sam?"

Kurt's voice pulled him back and he looked up, blinking rapidly as the tears that collected behind his eyelashes spilled over. He wiped them away quickly and looked back down at his watery coffee, lower lip caught between his teeth. "Are you going to go to the club tonight to see him?"

"Yeah. He should be back tonight. It's been three days. If not, I'm going to his apartment."

"Can I come with you? I just want to talk to him."

"Yeah. Yeah, you can go. I'd rather you come along. I don't think I want to go back there by myself."

Sam nodded and watched as his friend finished the last dregs of his coffee. Once Kurt was done, they both stood, throwing their garbage away before they headed out into the sea of people on the street going to god knows where. As they walked, Sam took in Kurt's stature and he wondered if maybe a huge change was going to come in his life, a change that would involve Blaine and maybe the son that Kurt just found out about. He could only pray that something would happen and if it did, that it was good. They'd had too many bad things occur lately and he was sick of it.

::::::::::

"Is Shadow working tonight?"

"Man, you've been here every single night. Hey Derek, looks like we've got a new member of the Shadow fanclub! Make that fanboy number-"

"Dude, those other guys aren't fan_boys_. They're old ass geezers. This kid's the youngest I've seen out of the whole damn crew and he's not as weird," the bouncer looked Kurt up and down with a smirk, flicking his gaze back to Sam before he turned towards the other burly man beside him. "Shadow's a popular one though. Thank god he's back otherwise the whole damn club would go crazy."

"So he's here?" Kurt asked again, doing his best to peek past the tall, muscular bouncer's shoulder to see if he could see into the club. It was foolish to try; he knew it - the part of the club he needed to be in was on the other side of the building, but he at least hoped he'd be able to catch a glimpse of Blaine wandering around in there somewhere. A hand on his arm brought him back to the present and he jerked back, staring at Sam wide-eyed. "What?"

"We can go in, they said. Blaine's here and he's on soon, so come on. Let's find a seat."

Grabbing onto Sam's elbow, Kurt dragged him through the club, pulling him through a crowd of drunken unruly guys towards the part of the club where the male dancers performed. They ran down the glitter covered staircase and promptly froze, their eyes widening when they noticed how _packed_ the place was. It was like a can of sardines in that particular part of the bar; man after man after man smashed themselves together near the front of the stage. The back of the room barely had anyone there, so Kurt and Sam took a table near the stairs, one that was far enough away that Blaine wouldn't be able to see them clearly, but close enough that they could see him. Once they were seated, a skimpily dressed waitress came and offered them some shots of something swirled with purple and blue. Sam declined, but Kurt took two, downing them both quickly as the DJ came on to announce the next featured dancer.

"He's back and ready to rock your worlds tonight, everybody! So get out your dollars and get ready to holla at... _Shadow_!" The music kicked on, the lights flashing from green to aqua as the dark silhouette at the front of the stage stepped out. Kurt's stomach backflipped inside him and he gulped, taking in the sight of his ex in an incredibly tight, form-fitting white t-shirt and snug pink booty shorts. He was wearing bright colored sneakers and a pink mask that covered his eyes and part of his nose. All together, he looked like some sort of candy; it wasn't until the music got louder and segued into the chorus that Kurt realized why.

_C'mon_

_Take a bottle, shake it up  
Break the bubble, break it up_

Blaine pointed his finger to the side of the stage and suddenly water started shooting out of the floor, dousing him and the front row with the liquid as Blaine became impossibly wet. His white shirt clung to his muscular frame and he licked his lips, pulling his top right off as the rest of the song continued.

_Pour some sugar on me  
Ooh, in the name of love  
Pour some sugar on me  
C'mon, fire me up  
Pour your sugar on me  
Oh, I can't get enough _

Several of the other dancers (_female_, Kurt noted) came running out from behind Blaine, long white multicolored striped sticks in their hands. Each raised their stick into the air and a bunch of candy dust poured out, covering Blaine's drenched body with thick patches of sugary sweet goodness. He looked like he just made a run through a candy store and the men in the audience were _eating_ it up. Blaine, on the other hand, while smiling and dancing, looked completely exhausted. Everyone else out there might've thought he looked fine, but Kurt knew that look. He knew all of Blaine's looks like the back of his hand. Just seeing him like that made him feel nauseous and he closed his eyes, letting the thump of the booming music match in time with the throb of his upcoming headache. Beside him, Sam watched on, head shaking as Blaine climbed onto a member of the audience and the man began to lick a stripe of orange-flavored powder from his bicep.

_I'm hot, sticky sweet  
From my head to my feet, yeah _

Blaine mouthed along with the lyrics, hopping off the man to go swinging along the pole (but not actually climbing on it) as he lipsynced, his legs propelling him around as he spun and held onto the metal rod. One of the men in the audience waved a big bill in the air and Blaine was quick to dance over to him, spinning around to tease the customer by sliding the tips of his thumbs into the waistband of his shorts. He tugged them low, showing off a bit of the thong he wore beneath it and the customer cheered, shoving the bill and several others into Blaine's shorts, his hand groping the flesh beneath until Blaine pulled back and wiggled his finger in a _nuh uh uh_ motion, sashaying away to the other side of the stage where others held out money.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Kurt yelled, rising from the table. Sam barely had the chance to reach for him before Kurt ran off, disappearing into the crowd as he rushed up the small staircase and towards the exit of the club. Once he was gone, Sam turned his attention back to the stage, sighing as he watched Blaine finish his routine. All it consisted of was more bumping and grinding, random men licking the candy off of his former friend's body as he rode them and stripped off his shorts, giving everyone a full look at his backside. The audience went wild with catcalling, people in the back screaming at Blaine to take it all off, and the whole ordeal reminded Sam of his own stripping days way back when.

Except things weren't as crazy at his old joint as they were here.

The women he stripped for were a little more reserved than these men. The guys that he could see in the audience watching Blaine were _old, _creepy looking men who seemed to get off on the fact that someone about thirty years younger than them was dancing in their faces. A few of the creepers even had hard-ons which were obvious by the noticeable tent in their pants. Swallowing thickly, Sam turned his head away and kept his eye on Blaine, watching as his friend finished the last bit of his dance before he grabbed up the money scattered onstage with expert precision. He was about to exit the stage with his fistfuls of money when a rogue customer reached out, palms gripping Blaine's face as he tugged the shorter man close and kissed him fully, lapping his tongue against the rest of the lime green sugar on his jawline. Blaine panicked, eyes wide with shock and then one of the other men yelled, pulling the kiss stealer off of Blaine, shoving him back into the crowd. After that, everything blew up. Blaine took off running towards the back, the bouncers came running in, and the crowd started throwing punches, random people jumping in because of the excitement and just for the hell of it.

Whilst everyone was busy freaking out over the brawl happening on the floor, Sam took that as his opportunity to catch Blaine. So, sending off a quick text to Kurt, he ran towards backstage, sliding past the bouncer who was busy holding an angry patron back.

**To Kurt: **Fight in bar. Wait outside. I'm going to Blaine.

:::::::::

_When you're desperate, sometimes you've gotta - you know, use your assets and do what you gotta do to get back that advantage._

Blaine dumped the piles of money from his hands onto his counter, fingers sliding the slightly wet bills across the table as he sorted them based on their value. Most of them were ones, but there were several higher valued ones mixed in - tens, twenties, fifties, and even a few hundreds. He smiled at the sight of the hundreds; those ones would make up for the amount of days he missed while he was busy taking care of Landon. Fifty of that would go to the house (Vinny's rule - thank god Shadow was one of the better liked dancers otherwise he'd never make any money having to drop a fifty in Vinny's hand every night he worked) and the rest would go home to him once he counted it out and everything. Sighing, he ran a sticky hand through his equally messy hair, eyes raking along the bills before him.

The money definitely made up for the disgusting feeling of other men's tongues on him, that's for sure.

_Of course that's what you think. You have to think that in order to sleep at night._

"Shadow? You have a visitor." One of the girls interrupted and he tilted his head in her direction, nostrils flaring when he saw a very familiar face standing behind her. She barely waited for him to acknowledge his guest, instead choosing to head back out into the fray, leaving Blaine and _Sam_ all alone.

"Leave."

"I need to talk to you."

"Funny. That's all anyone wants to do with me nowadays. Too bad I don't want to talk to any of them. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to get changed and you can exit over there. Walk down the hall you came from, exit that door, and never come back. Okay? Thanks." Once he'd barked out his order, Blaine went back to putting his money together, shoving it into a plastic baggie that he locked up in his make-up case. Sam hovered in the background not yet ready to leave, but when Blaine spun back around and glared at him again, he frowned.

"It's been so long, Blaine. Can't we just-"

"Can we just _what_, Sam? Sit and chat over pizza? Hook up the ol' xbox and shoot some aliens? Maybe call up Artie and see if he wants to- oh wait, is Artie here too? Is he next? Or is Mercedes? What about Rachel? Is she coming to pay me a visit too? Are you _all_ here? Is Kurt here again? And Santana? Are you all here to stage an intervention for me? Or is someone gonna pop out from behind the curtain, crack me in the skull with a brick, and drag me back to New York? I mean, since you all seem so keen on talking to me now."

"That's not what-"

"You all keep saying that! You all just show up here and act like we're old friends and I'm here to entertain you - well, _newsflash_! I'm not! Unless you're throwing money at me, I could care less that you're here. If you guys haven't realized yet, I'm _working_ right now and all you people are doing is distracting me from my job!"

"This isn't a job, Blaine."

_What the hell does that mean?_

"Says the guy who stripped in high school. Like you don't know what this is like! Fuck you, Sam. I don't need your pretentious ass in here telling what I can and cannot do. I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself and my family without your help or the help of any of your so-called friends."

"We're just trying to-"

"Trying to _what_? Stop me from ruining my life? Well, guess what? Pretty sure that happened three and a half years ago when my fiance decided he was done with me - oh, and his friends did too! What a wonderful thing, right? What a great life I lead!" Blaine rolled his eyes dramatically, storming over to his locker where he deposited his make-up kit and began to peel off his sugar sticky clothing. Sam ducked his head, not about to watch his old friend get completely naked in front of him, and when he heard Blaine's footsteps taper off to somewhere else, he followed, stepping into a community bathroom that was just off of the dressing room. Blaine stepped into one of the showers, flicking the water on as he stepped beneath the spray and let the liquid wash off the candy dust that coated his skin. Rainbow trails of melting sugar poured down his body and into the drain and as he washed his hair, Sam leaned against the stall wall, staring down at his feet.

"When Mercedes called me and said they found you, it was one of the best things I've heard in a long time." He waited to see if Blaine would respond, but the other guy continued showering, eyes closed as he ignored Sam's entire presence. "The night you left, we got back to the apartment and you weren't there and- god, Blaine, I was so scared. We went looking for you, just me and Cedes and I tried to call you but you didn't answer. I- when you called me before, I was going to answer and Rachel took my phone. I should've taken it back from her. I should've answered right away, but I didn't know what to do. Everyone kept saying that you and Kurt broke up because you cheated on him again-"

A shampoo bottle crashed to the floor, its clacking echoing throughout the whole restroom as it bounced along the tile floors. Sam looked over, frowning when he noticed the blank look on Blaine's face, and that's when he realized that his friend didn't even know about the whole cheating thing. This whole time, years without communication from _anyone, _Blaine thought that they were angry with him because Kurt was upset over the June Dolloway thing. Instead, it was a whole different ordeal, a whole different ballpark. Instead of everyone thinking that there was a disagreement about spotlight sharing and _that_ was the reason they broke up, everyone thought Blaine _cheated_ again. A huff of laughter caused Sam to focus back in on his friend and when he did, he wished he _never_ witnessed _that _look on Blaine's face.

"That's all I'm good at, isn't it? That's all I'm ever going to be known for."

"What? Blaine-"

"All those apologies. Everything I did to prove how bad I felt. That _proposal_. It was all for nothing, wasn't it?" He laughed again, this time more bitter than the last. "No matter what I do, it'll never be good enough for you guys. I guess I'm in the right business, right? Blaine Anderson, sex addict who can't keep it in his pants, perfect for stripping. Huh. How funny."

"That's not true, Blaine. I never thought you cheated, not at-"

"You still went along with it!" The other man finally exploded, spinning in the stall to face Sam. Water sprayed from his hair as his head jerked and Sam blinked away the droplets that hit his face. "I guess this is some sort of karma for you guys, isn't it? Take a look at what happened to that cheating bastard that Kurt was engaged to! He's gotta sell his body for money now! Ha!"

_It means that I'm not for sale!_

Blaine's words from years and years ago burnt at Sam's skin and tears welled in his eyes as he stared at his distraught, fuming ex-best friend. "Blaine, no-"

Before he could get another word in, Blaine slumped, a choking noise squeaking from his throat as he sunk down towards the floor, his breaths heaving in and out in harsh gasps. "Can you- can you please just- just go? _Go_!" He hunched down on the floor, tucked into a fetal position as he coughed out broken noises, each stuttered whimper and cry stabbing Sam in the heart as they echoed through the bathroom.

"Blaine-"

"GO!"

There was a noise in the dressing room that made Sam back up and he almost ran into another dancer, a tall bodybuilder looking man in a leopard print thong who took one look at Blaine scrunched up on the floor before he grabbed Sam by the collar and tossed him out of the room. "Come back and I'll rearrange your face. I don't know what you did to Shadow, but you'd better never come back here again-" The man warned and then he slammed the door in Sam's face, leaving the shaken blonde standing alone in the empty hallway.

::::::::::

**April 2017**

_"C'mon baby, you're a stripper. This can't be too difficult for you."_

_"Please stop. I said no! Get off of me!"_

_"You have other men's hands all over you night after night and you won't fuck _me_? What kind of stripper are you?"_

_"Just because I dance doesn't mean I fuck anyone who shows interest in me. Now get off," Blaine pushed, legs kicking as he struggled beneath the weight of the man above him. It was such a bad idea to go to Kong's birthday party. Originally he came to the club with a card for his co-worker, but then Kong and the other guys begged him to come along to some other place - a house in the ritzy part of the city. One of Kong's rich, reality tv star friends was having a get together at his place and he wanted all of Kong's friends to attend. Somehow that included Blaine._

_For the first time in years, Blaine had been invited somewhere that didn't involve him taking his son along, so he texted Cooper to ask if his brother didn't mind watching Landon for a little while longer. Cooper, who always teased Blaine about getting out there and meeting someone new, agreed, telling his brother to have fun and _get some_. But Blaine wasn't about that though; he'd barely had any sexual experiences with anyone since Kurt and he wasn't looking for a one-night stand or anything, not when he had his health to look out for as well as his son's. There was an underlying fear in him that he'd catch something from somebody and that it'd be contagious and he'd give it to Landon via a goodbye kiss or from one of the many times his son would come by and taste whatever Blaine happened to be eating or drinking. So, he was always careful. Always._

_Plus, sex was something he planned on saving for a relationship nowadays. He dealt with enough stuff of the sexual nature at work. The last thing he needed was to live up to that stereotype that because he was a stripper, he was also loose. That wasn't true, not for everyone and definitely not him._

_Though this handsy guy on top of him seemed to think it was._

_"Get off of me!" He yelled again, shoving hard. The guy who was once straddling him tumbled to the floor with a yelp, cursing as he hit the ground hard. Immediately Blaine jumped up, stumbling over his own feet in his haste to get to the door to get out. He wasn't even sure what happened; one second he was dancing with this cute guy and being kissed, next the guy was asking him to head somewhere private so they could make-out. Blaine, at that time, told him, "Okay, but no sex. I'm not that kind of guy." And his friend agreed._

_Until they got to the bedroom and the man locked the door behind them. Then things took a turn for the worst. Hands started tugging at clothing, Blaine kept getting bitten, and before he knew it, this other dude's hand was down his pants, fingers scraping at his old c-section scar. When he asked the guy to stop, the atmosphere in the room changed and all of a sudden, he was _supposed_ to have sex with the cute stranger. _He was a stripper, that's what they did! Right? He took off his clothes for a living! He should be used to this by now. Where did he get off saying that he wasn't that kind of guy when he was basically a sex worker? What a prude!

_A hand reached out and grabbed his ankle, tugging him to the floor. He gasped as he fell, knees slamming hard against the wood before he tumbled forward and hit his head as well. The world around him swum, his vision blurring as he took in a shadowy figure hovering over him. The person was heavy, sitting on his lower half as their fingers yanked and pulled at his button-down shirt. "Stop," he pleaded, tears filling his eyes as he blinked rapidly, trying to clear the swirling images above him. "Please. I don't want this."_

_"Quit playing hard to get. You're a fucking stripper. You always want this."_

_"No. No, I don't. Please." Pain resonated on his cheek as his head jerked to the side; the feeling of his teeth cutting through his gums burned on the side of his face and he cried out, gagging when his mouth filled with blood._

_"Shut up! I won't tell you again!" The mystery man warned, scooting down Blaine's body to unzip his pants and yank them (and his briefs) down to mid-thigh. The air on his lower half was cold and Blaine gasped, fighting against the hold the other guy had on him._

_"Please-"_

_"Keep quiet or I'll make you be quiet!"_

_"Get the fuck off of me! Help!" He continued screaming, yelling out even after the punches started coming back, each one harder than the last. His yells echoed through the room, but he feared they weren't loud enough for anyone to hear, especially not over the loud music coming from downstairs. However, within moments, the sound of someone kicking at the door sounded and before Blaine knew it, Kong was standing in the doorway, his dark eyes blazing as he took in Blaine laying on the floor and some random dude slamming his fists into his body._

_"Get off him, you disgusting fuck!" Kong yelled, grabbing the guy by his hair, flinging him across the room like a ragdoll. Some of the other party-goers went after him once Kong flipped him away and as soon as Blaine was free, Kong and Brandi, the only two workers he could recognize, came to his aid, covering him up and helping him to his feet._

_"Come on, sweetie. Let's get you cleaned up."_

_After that party, Blaine couldn't go back to work. Not after what happened and the things that man said to him. He could barely look at himself in the mirror anymore either. However, he didn't dare to try to bring up charges against the guy who came after him because he was scared to death that they would investigate _him_ and find out that he stripped for money and that they'd take away Landon. So, after Kong and Brandi got him cleaned up that night, he went home, ignored Cooper's questions about what happened, and he cuddled up with Landon, crying over everything that had been overwhelming him over the last few years alone._

_He would've stayed away from the club after that too, would've moved on to something new, something better... but a few weeks later when he came home to find a few notices about his utilities being turned off due to late payments, he knew- he _knew_ that he had to go back._

_And he did._

::::::::::

His body was glittered, make-up reapplied around his golden eyes, no evidence left of the tears he'd just shed in them. His skin was still slightly damp and smelled clean, fresh from the shower, and his hair fell in glossy ringlets around his head. To everyone in the club, he looked delightfully sinful, delectable, _delicious_, and when he turned and went down the private hall, a few faces frowned because _someone_ was getting _that_ tonight and it wasn't them.

Knocking on the door, Blaine stepped inside the zebra room, deadened gaze immediately darting to the center of the floor where he knew he'd find his client. Richard was there, like always, his green eyes lighting up when he saw Shadow enter the room looking as hot as ever.

"You look amazing, sweetcheeks." He purred, smiling as Blaine waltzed over to the touch screen and blindly punched in the numbers for the song that they always played when they were together. Instantly, R. Kelly's voice filled the room and as he sang, Blaine turned, a sinister smile on his face as he slowly made his way towards the man in the chair.

_My mind's telling me no  
But my body, my body's telling me yes  
Baby, I don't wanna hurt nobody  
But there is something that I must confess (to you)  
_

"You always want to try something new, Richard. I think tonight's the perfect night."

"You do?" The man was taken aback, eyes alight with wonder as Blaine sweetly climbed on top of him, legs straddling his thighs as he rocked back and pressed forward, hugging his client's head against his chest.

"Yes." He breathed with a smile, but the action didn't reach his eyes. Robotically, he reached down towards Richard's belt buckle, fingers pulling at the leather while the other man touched him all over. Deep in his stomach, he could feel the bile churn and rise into his throat along with the excess of alcohol he consumed before he left his dressing room, but he swallowed it down, tilting his head until it was resting against Richard's grey hair. Moaning softly, he let himself go, allowing every single bad thought anybody had ever had about him - whether it be about him being a hooker, a whore, a cheater, or _whatever_ - consume him whole.

If they were going to think it, he was going to live it... starting _now_.

* * *

**A/N: You guys are the best. Your well wishes are very much appreciated, so thank you so much! I love reading your reviews and reading what you thought of the chapter because it helps me gauge what to add or get rid of in upcoming parts. Reader feedback is always important and always loved, so thank you all for taking the time out to read and review. I very much appreciate you doing so and I hope you like this story so far! Thanks! Oh, and f****or those of you who are concerned about the last bit of this chapter, don't fret. Things will be explained in the next one. I promise. Remember the things I said in previous author's notes about certain characters and also take a look at various flashbacks pertaining Blaine? Those basically give away what's gonna happen next!**


	7. Chapter 7

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) The songs mentioned in this chapter are _Baby Mine_ from Dumbo. You should listen to it at the END because that's where it kicks in. By the way, I don't have rights to that either and I am not affiliated with Disney whatsoever. Anyway, I own nothing!**

* * *

He couldn't do it.

There were foreign hands touching him, caressing him like he was their lover, holding him like he was made to be cradled by them. They felt _wrong_, they felt _disgusting_, and before it could go any further, he snapped back, tears in his eyes as he fell backwards to the floor. Breaths panted from his chest, heaving and falling with each exerting action; the man before him faltered, leaning down to check and see if he was alright, but Blaine couldn't bear to look at him, his throat tightening with the feeling of being incredibly _sick_.

"Don't," he begged, scooting back on his hands and feet until he was several feet away from Richard, his back pressed flush against the door as the older man stared at him curiously.

"You were doing so well, sweetcheeks. Why'd you stop?"

"I- I can't. I promised myself I would never do that. _God_," he shook his head violently, rising up from the floor to dust himself off before he rushed over and clicked the music off, one hand cradling his churning stomach as he leaned heavily against the wall. "I can't do it."

"That's a shame. So you're not gonna finish what you started?"

Wide eyes flickered to where Richard was standing up from his seat, his hard cock resting heavy against his belly as he stood to his full height. Just seconds before, Blaine had been incredibly close to having sex with that man, to pushing all of his values and principles to the side all because of a lapse in judgment. Earlier he'd been so upset, so crushed over hearing what the whole NYC crew thought of him back when he and Kurt broke up and he broke down, crying in the shower until Kong came and dragged him out, shoving a bottle of vodka in his face. "Drink it," his friend said, waiting until Blaine took a big swig before he wrapped a towel around the naked younger man and pushed him into his designated chair. "Calm down before you send yourself into a panic attack."

So, following his friend's advice, Blaine calmed himself down... by continuously drinking. He kept on sucking down the vodka, letting the burn irritate his throat until he felt like he was going to throw up from the insane amount he consumed. It was then that he was notified of a customer in the private rooms and he knew _exactly_ who it was; his muddled, drunken brain screamed at him to just _leave_, but his broken heart and body told him to _go_, to let it happen, to let the things he'd been fighting so long to _not_ occur actually happen this time. Richard had been such a patient customer; he _waited_, he _deserved_ it. They all did. Every one of Blaine's admirers _deserved_ him, deserved a _chance_ with him, and he was going to give it to them. That's what everyone expected of him, right?

They'd known it from the get-go, since _high school_ even. His old tormentors called it, his old _friends_ called it. They all knew and like always, Blaine was the last to know. He was only good for one thing: _sex_. He'd never be good at anything else.

So, before he stumbled his way out of the dressing room, he took a few deep breaths and talked himself _into_ it. He would get the act over with and done. He'd make more money this way, he'd make someone very, _very_ happy, and all would be right in the world. Well, everyone else's world... not his.

It wasn't until Richard was gripping his hips and rutting against him with his lips attached to Blaine's neck that the younger man snapped back to reality. The desire to puke overwhelmed him and he shoved Richard away, the bitter taste of the man's lips still on his mouth - he tasted like stale cigarettes and booze.

"Excuse me?" Richard asked again, coming closer to the panicking man on the other side of the room. "I'm paying for a handjob. I expect a-"

"Get someone else to do it. I can't. Not tonight," Blaine gasped out, shaking his head as he turned and fled the room, ignoring the sounds of his customer's yelling through the thin walls. As he rushed out of the private hallway, Brandi caught up with him, grasping his shoulder as he tried to push past her.

"You okay, kid?"

"Get one of the other guys to finish the guy in the zebra room off. I think I'm gonna be sick."

"You sure? Vinny's gonna be pissed."

"Well Vinny can suck my dick because I'm not going back in there." Before Brandi could say anything else, Blaine was out of her grasp and running down the hall, squeezing through the mess of people squished together on the main floor of the club. Hands groped him all around, people cheering his name as he ducked in and out of their groups. One man wrapped his arms around Blaine's thin waist, hugging him tightly from behind before he tried to reach down and fondle him. "Don't," Blaine hissed in response, jerking away from the handsy guy. He glared as hard as he could, which was difficult given the level of intoxication he was still at, but the man seemed to get it, stepping back with his hands in the air. Once the area around him seemed to clear (others moved when Blaine snapped at the touchy-feely patron), he continued on his journey to the backstage area, stumbling to the main doors and down to his dressing room. Kong was still in there, slipping into another outfit for his next performance, and when he saw Blaine, he raised an eyebrow.

"You okay, Shadow?"

"No. _No_, I need to get out of here."

"You need a ride home? My boyfriend's still here; he could give you a lift."

"No, I... I'm fine. I have a ride. Thank you." From there, the small talk dwindled and Kong left to go dance, leaving Blaine alone in the dressing room. Hands quivering, the overly emotional man stumbled back into the shower, washing the grime of Richard's fingerprints from his skin, making sure everything was scrubbed clean before he stepped out of the shower and finished getting ready, fighting with the strong urge within him to just fall over. He could hear the sounds of the rambunctious crowd filter through down the hall as he dressed and when Vinny's voice came booming from an opening door, he knew he was in for it, especially with how loud and angry his boss sounded.

"SHADOW!"

At the sound of his name, Blaine looked up, his dark eyes falling onto his boss. "Yeah, Vin?"

"Why do I have Richard at the main bar complaining that he didn't get his handjob?! You were supposed to go in there and get the job done. You know he only likes _you_!"

"I asked someone else to do it. I feel sick-"

"I don't give a rat's ass about what you feel like right now! You've missed several days of work in the last few weeks alone and then you come back and aren't stripping or do anything up to par! How am I supposed to keep you on here when you can't even work for me properly?" The stout, greasy owner was inches away from Blaine's face, his reeking breath burning hot on Blaine's skin as Blaine stared down at his socked feet. His shoes were inches away, waiting to be put on and tied, but he couldn't reach them with Vinny there. For a second, he felt like decking his boss and sending him clear across the room for the unnecessary rudeness he was showing, but Blaine took in a few deep, cleansing breaths, waiting for the harsh ideas to go the hell away before he got himself into even more trouble. Instead, he decided to say something back, but before he could respond with something snarky, the door opened and Kong walked back in, dropping a hundred dollar bill in Vinny's hand.

"That's tonight's payment from me _and _Shadow, alright? And if you think you're gonna fire Shad, I'd say that'd be the dumbest damn thing I've ever heard of. He's one of our top performers next to me, of course. If you want this place to crumble, then fire him, but if you want to keep bringing the money in, I'd suggest you keep ol' doe eyes here. The fellas really dig this one, especially the kinky ones."

Vinny opened his mouth as if to protest, but when he paused to think about it, he shrugged, shaking his head as he turned and stepped out of the room without another word, the door slamming shut behind him.

"You didn't have to do that," Blaine said softly, reaching into his bag of money to fish out a fifty to repay his co-worker. Kong rolled his eyes, smacking Blaine's hand away as soon as the smaller guy held out the cash.

"Keep your damn money, you idiot. You need it more than I do. I don't have a cutie pie to raise. Plus my boyfriend makes good money too; this is just moolah for my rainy day fund."

"So you dance even though you don't really need the money?"

Kong smirked, plopping down in his seat. "I dance because I like the way it makes me feel - being wanted and everything, you know? Oh, and it's quick money. I make a lot more here than I used to make at my boring old desk job." He counted up all of his bills and then pocketed them, leaning back to glance at Blaine again. "Plus, I look _great_ naked. Why not show this off?"

Blaine chuckled a little, ducking his head as he shouldered his duffel bag and recounted to make sure everything was packed away and locked up. He was sure he'd be back tomorrow or the day after, but for the rest of that evening, he _had_ to get out of there. It was too stifling being in such a stuffy place with everything piled so high up on his shoulders.

"Go on, kid. You look like you're about to pass out or be sick and I _really _don't wanna clean up any puke right now."

"Thanks Kong," Blaine whispered in appreciation, smiling when his co-worker waved him out, watching as he exited the dressing room. Within seconds, he was running (a little sideways from his lack of being completely sober) towards the back exit, eyes on the prize as he slammed into the door and pushed it open, allowing the cool night air to soothe his burning skin. He took a few glorious steps into the darkness and froze, eyes falling onto none other than his ex-fiance, the other man leaning against a car with his arms crossed over his chest and tears in his eyes. "What are you-"

"Can we talk? Just... please _talk _to me. I won't bother you again. I just need to explain everything."

The alcohol within Blaine buzzed, making his brain feel like it was filled up with air. He looked around the parking lot, hoping to catch one of his fellow workers leaving so he could catch a ride with them, but no one else was out. It was just him and his ex plus a few patrons near the front of the club who weren't paying them any mind. _Damn._ "Kurt, I can't-"

"Just for tonight. I need to explain everything. I can take you home and we can talk on the way over or we can talk later. I just- _please_ Blaine?"

There was so much more Blaine wanted to say, so much more anger he wanted to unleash towards his ex for even having the audacity to be there, to follow him around like he did, but he felt so sick and so exhausted that he knew fighting with Kurt right now wouldn't fly. He wouldn't be able to do it, not in his state of mind. So, shrugging, he stepped forward, stumbling a bit over a crack in the sidewalk before he righted himself and slid his bag off his shoulder, handing it out to Kurt. His ex took it, tossing it in the backseat, and then waited until Blaine was all climbed in the passenger seat before he hopped in the driver's side.

"Thank you."

"I'm only going with you because Avery would kill me if I called her right now and told her I was drunk off my ass, okay?"

"You're drunk?"

"Why else would I have gotten in a car with you, Kurt?" Blaine laughed bitterly, twisting his body in his seat to glare at the other man before he closed his eyes and rested his head against the center console, his hair brushing Kurt's forearm. "Why couldn't you stay gone? Why'd you have to come back?"

Kurt bit his lip, eyes focusing on the road while his heart throbbed in his chest. Having Blaine in the car with him was the closest they'd been in quite some time (if you didn't count the first night they ran into each other again) and he honestly felt like parking the car on the side of the road until he'd had a chance to say everything he needed to say. However, Blaine was practically wasted beside him, body flopped over as he mumbled to himself and all Kurt wanted to do was take care of him, though he was pretty sure Blaine would never allow it. "Is anyone at your apartment?"

"Landon a-and Avery."

"Is she gonna kill me when I drop you off?"

"No. She'll kill _me_. Then maybe she'll kill you. I don't know. Are we there yet?"

"You're not gonna puke in the car, are you? Because this isn't mine. It's Rachel's."

Blaine chuckled, leaning up a bit to sit up straight in his seat. "I should throw up in it anyway. Who cares whose it is?" He closed his eyes again, hand scratching over his stomach, and Kurt took his eyes off the road for a second, gaze falling to his ex's hand and where it finally fell to rest. A long time ago, he'd carried their child all alone, wandering around California trying to find a purpose, trying to find himself. Seeing Blaine with his hand on his belly made Kurt wonder how hard it must've been for him.

"I'm sorry, you know? I know it probably doesn't mean anything to you, but I am. I really am."

"You're right. It doesn't. Just... wake me up when we get home."

::::::::::

**September 2014**

_"So guess what I heard?"_

_"I dunno, Coop. What did you hear?" Blaine groaned, settling his heavy body onto the couch as he swiveled his hips a bit to try and find a comfortable spot to rest. It was hard to even sit still anymore; the baby sat so low in his belly that everything on him hurt. His back, his hips, his legs... everything ached and no matter what he did - whether it be yoga or warm baths, _nothing_ seemed to help. Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his belly and maneuvered the phone to his other ear, listening intently as his brother rambled on and on about the commercial he was doing._

_"-and you won't believe this! According to Glenna, that's my agent's assistant, if you didn't know... your old friend from high school - that Rachel girl? - she's in talks right now to get her own tv show. I guess they saw her on Broadway and wanted to give her a show and it's in the works right now. It'll probably take a while to get it shopped around and everything, but how crazy is that? I'd better have a part in it. I'm the one who taught her all she knows anyway. Remember my acting class-"_

_Cooper continued to ramble on, his voice ticking in Blaine's ear as he kept on talking, but Blaine barely paid attention to anything other than the rumble of static in his ears. After his brother mentioned Rachel, all Blaine could think about was how (several months earlier) his entire world came crumbling down and how Rachel (and the others) were a huge part of it. If he'd been a more bitter person, he would've wished them all to have the worst lives possible, but he couldn't, not when he still cared about them. There were nights when he was sitting all alone in Cooper's apartment that he wanted nothing more than to just call one of them up and tell them where he was. There were nights when the baby kicked or did something crazy extraordinary that he wanted to dial up Kurt and beg him to take him back so that they could raise their child together. Hell, all of his pregnancy milestones were basically enjoyed by him and him alone. Cooper was too busy running around the country doing commercials and publicity shoots, so Blaine was left to fend for himself most of the time. He went to all his appointments alone, went to some parenting classes alone, and for a while, he even thought about enrolling in UCLA to get a headstart on some college courses. But when he realized that it was going to be incredibly hard raising a baby on his own as well as keeping up with classwork, he gave up on that idea, deciding to take things one at a time._

_It would be another month or so until his son was due. Another month of aches and pains and agony to go until it all became worth it. He didn't mind dealing with it all; he just wanted a healthy baby - the baby that was the last link between him and Ohio. This baby meant more to him than anything in the world, even his own life. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that it if wasn't for the baby he carried, he wouldn't have even lasted as long as he did. His child gave him purpose. His child gave him a reason to live when he was feeling like he didn't have one at all._

_Stroking his stomach, he bid a soft goodbye to his brother, ending the call before he tossed his phone to the side. The baby kicked at the press of his fingertips, harsh jabs against his belly button that made him smile sweetly and hum low in his chest._

_"I really can't wait until you're here. It's so lonely by myself," he whispered, closing his eyes as the tears that had been building up following Coop's news about Rachel finally fell._

:::::::::::

"Blaine? Hey, wake up. We're here."

Kurt poked at his ex, finger jabbing Blaine's shoulder as the other man grumbled in his sleep before he finally turned around and glared at him. "What do you want?" Blaine groaned, shoving Kurt's hand away as he went to unbuckle his seatbelt and climb out of the car. As he kicked one leg out of the vehicle, he tripped and almost landed flat on his face, gasping when someone grabbed him by the waist and hiked him up to stand on his own two feet. Kurt was at his side, one arm wrapped around him, steady, and the other was holding his car keys, eyes locked on the swaying man beside him. "I don't need your help."

"You're a little bit out there right now, Blaine. Let me get you upstairs and then I'll leave you alone, okay?"

"I've never needed your help. I don't need you, you know? I haven't needed you in years. Not once. Not at all."

"I know. You've done so well-"

Blaine stopped, "Are you making fun of me?" He yanked himself out of Kurt's grasp and glared at his ex, fire burning behind his drunkenly glazed over eyes. "Don't you dare- don't you _dare_ make fun of me for doing what I need to do to get by!"

"I wasn't making fun of you. I was _agreeing_ with you. You've done the best you can to take care of yourself and Landon. I understand that now. I would _never_ make fun of you for taking care of your family. _Never_."

"I... I don't trust you. Not one bit, not anymore." He pushed past Kurt and stumbled up the sidewalk, shakily punching in the after-hours code to get into the building before he yanked the front door open and wobbled inside, Kurt hot on his tail. As he made his way towards the elevator, Kurt kept his distance - far enough away that Blaine wouldn't snap at him for being too close, but close enough that if Blaine fell, he'd be able to catch him in a few leaps. "I'm not even sure why you're here," Blaine kept rambling, stepping into the lift before he pressed the button for his floor. "All these years you've been in New York and then _bam_ one day you show up in my neck of the woods and fuck up my life again. How fucking hilarious."

"I didn't know you were here. If I did, I would've been here a long-"

"Bullshit. Don't give me that, Kurt. You would've looked the other way if you saw me years ago and you know it. The only reason you're here now is because you wanna burn this last bridge before you get married." Blaine looked down at Kurt's hand directly at his ring, scowling for a moment before he closed his eyes again. "He's probably everything I _never_ was, right?"

"Blaine-"

The elevator dinged, its door sliding open. Blaine immediately rushed out of the tiny enclosed space, feet dragging along the patterned carpet as he stumbled to his front door and fumbled with his keys, finally resorting to knocking until the door swung open and an annoyed Avery stood in its place. "Are you- Blaine? What are you doing home so early? You were supposed to call-" Her words trailed off when she spotted Kurt coming up behind them, her eyes widening before she reached out, grabbed Blaine's upper arm, and yanked him back behind her, slamming the door shut as soon as he was in the apartment. "Did he follow you here? What is he doing?!"

"He brought me home."

"Why?! Blaine, you told me yourself that you never wanted to see him again! Why's he here? Why didn't you call me? I would've came and got you!"

"He wants to talk. Might as well let him speak so I can tell him to get the hell out of my life and move on, you know?"

"But you don't owe him anything!"

Blaine nodded, collapsing into a seat at the kitchen table. He laid his heavy head down on the cool wood, eyes shutting as he listened to the soft taps of Kurt knocking on the closed front door. "I know I don't, but he's just gonna keep bothering me until I do-"

"Then you call the cops! He doesn't have a right to-"

"It's been three years, Aves. Three years and I thought I was over him. I kept telling myself- I _keep_ telling myself that I'm done with him, that he's never deserved me. That I never deserved what they did to me... but now they're all back. _All _of them; every single person who hurt me and god, no matter how much I hate them- _hated_ them, I still miss them, you know?" He huffed, shaking his head. "It's fucked up, isn't it? I want them to go, but I'd hate to see them leave...? I've done the best that I could without them; I've made my life here and now they're all back. Now _he's_ back and it's like I haven't done a thing at all. It's like the stupid part of me - that stupid nineteen-year-old that was madly in love with Kurt - wants back out again... and I don't know what to do."

"You shove that kid back and remind him that he got kicked while he was down, Blaine. You can't let that happen to you again. I remember you at that age. I remember when you were having Landon and you were _so scared_ and _alone_ and all you wanted was your family. I remember because I was _there _in that room with you, Blaine. Who wasn't there? None of these people you're thinking about letting into your life again! None of them were there! They weren't there when you first felt Landon kick! They weren't there when you were in labor or when he was born! They missed his first smile, his first steps, his first word, his first _everything_ all because they treated you like shit!" She paused, wiping away a few tears that fell down her cheeks. "I'm not asking you to cut them off for my sake; I want you to tell them to leave you alone for _yours_."

Across from her, Blaine lay silent, head still down on the table as he listened to every single word his best friend had to say. She was right, he knew it... and _Kurt was still knocking on the fucking door!_ However, as right as Avery was, he was going to let Kurt in, let him talk, and then he'd say what he needed to say for himself before he ushered Kurt and everyone else out of his life. That's all he wanted: to hear what Kurt had to say and then make Kurt_ listen_ to him. After that, it was all going to be over. He'd bury that part of his past and move on, just him and Landon and whoever else that had the pleasure of being in their lives.

"Avery?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you let him in please?"

"Blaine-"

"I promise you that I'm not gonna wimp out. I just want to hear what he has to say. I'm pretty sure it's some bullshit reason that he can't back up and after that, I'm gonna speak my mind and he's gonna listen and then he's gonna move the fuck on to his new fiance and go live in New York or wherever the hell he plans on living."

"I can stay if you want-"

"It's okay. I can take care of myself." He stood up, body swaying for a second as he paused to regain his balance, waving his hand at the door. "If he tries anything, of which I'm sure he won't, I'll kick his ass. Remember, I do know how to box and I did take self-defense classes after that one... you know."

"I know."

Before she could get to the door, Blaine stopped her, smiling at her when she finally turned around to acknowledge him. "Hey Aves?"

"Yes."

"You know I love you, but I _can_ take care of myself. I'm not that pathetic whiny teenager you met at the hospital three years ago."

"I know. You've grown up a lot. You're a man now... and a great father."

"And you're my best friend. I love you."

"I love you too." Giving him one last smile, Avery opened the front door, her face schooling from happy to pissed within 2.5 seconds. Kurt stepped back a bit, inhaling deeply as the girl before him grabbed her purse out of Blaine's hands and slid on her shoes. Once she was done getting ready to go, she walked right up to Kurt, got directly into his personal space and hissed, "If you hurt him again, _you're_ going to be the one wishing you had a time machine." Kurt barely had the time to exhale before she was gone, storming down the hallway and bypassing the elevator as she took the stairwell to get out. Once she was out of their sight, he turned to Blaine and stepped into the small apartment, his breath catching when he noticed how nice it was inside the place.

"So this is your home?"

"This is my home."

"It's... cute."

"It's liveable. It's not big, but it's a decent enough size for me and Landon." As Kurt took a look around, Blaine locked up, fixing both the door lock and deadbolt before he slipped the chain lock on as well. Once everything was secure, he squeezed past Kurt, wandering down the darkened hallway until he got to a room whose door was ajar. Kurt followed behind, unsure of what to do with himself in such a foreign place, but when he paused in the doorway, his heart dropped to his toes. Blaine was kneeling on the floor, thumb stroking a sleeping Landon's cheek as he leaned in and kissed the top of the little boy's head. From his position in the doorway, Kurt could see the tears in his eyes, could see something akin to heartbreak and fear flashing in those golden orbs he used to know so well and he wondered what was going on in his ex's head... whether it had to do with him or something that happened _before_ the two of them met up.

It was hard to forget Sam's words whenever his friend came out of the club, shaken and looking worse for wear. Sam barely mentioned what Blaine said to him, but he did say their friend had lost it right before another one of the dancers kicked Sam out, and that's when Kurt decided to stay and wait for Blaine to get off work. He _had _to talk to him, so Sam called Mercedes and somehow Santana was able to get her new little plaything to drive him back home, leaving Kurt with Rachel's car. It was the only way he was able to get Blaine to come with him and it worked... now though, he had no idea what he was going to do or say. Because, for one, Blaine was a little drunk, and two... Kurt was scared out of his mind.

"Daddy, who's that?"

The sound of a small voice broke his thoughts and he looked down, throat locking up when he noticed Landon was partially awake and staring at him, sleepily waving his small hand at Kurt until the other man responded. He waved back. "Hi Landon."

"Hi."

"You need to go back to sleep, bub." Blaine whispered, helping the little boy lay back down before he went to adjust the toddler's blankets. It wasn't until Blaine started tucking him back in that Kurt noticed Landon's bedding was none other than _Dumbo_, one of his favorite Disney movies.

"I didn't know they made Dumbo bedding?"

"Neither did I at first," Blaine said softly, stroking his hand down the side of the comforter. "It's amazing the things you can find in thrift shops." As he continued to tuck Landon in, the boy sniffled and Blaine brushed his hair back, cooing at him in such a gentle voice that Kurt felt like he was intruding on a private moment he wasn't supposed to be seeing - _or was he_? "What's wrong, baby? Your tummy still hurt?"

"A little."

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Yeah. Auntie A gave me soup too but my belly hurts." He rolled closer to his dad and Blaine, completely ignoring that Kurt was standing in the doorway, climbed up onto the too small bed with his son, hugging him close as the little one whimpered and snuggled closer.

"I'm sorry you still don't feel well, baby. I'm sorry I had to leave tonight too."

Landon whimpered a little, his eyes closing when Blaine tightened his grip a little around his body, humming softly enough that Kurt could barely hear it. He knew he recognized the song, but he really couldn't place it and Kurt kept his eyes on the pair, his vision blurring as he watched the two of them interact. If he hadn't of been so foolish, he could've been a part of this too and- _oh._

"Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine..."

::::::::::

**April 2011**

_"Hey, are you okay?"_

_"I'm fine," Kurt squeaked, ducking his head as he tried (and failed) to discreetly wipe away the tears that leaked from the corner of his eyes. Blaine had paused the movie, so it was dead quiet in the house and the only noises they could hear were Kurt's soft hitches of breath as he fought not to break down._

_"You're not fine. What's wrong?" Blaine reached a hand out, sliding his fingers into Kurt's as his boyfriend pawed at his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. It was a lazy night in for them, a date night - one of few that they had where they had the house mostly to themselves. Carole was around somewhere, but everyone else was out for the night, so they decided to have dinner and watch a movie together at the Hudson-Hummel abode. Kurt picked the take-out and Blaine picked the movie, which in hindsight was probably a bad idea because for the longest he kept on talking about wanting to watch Dumbo for some odd reason and that's what he picked._

_Of course, Kurt didn't have the heart to tell him that Dumbo was one of the top films that made him cry and, as expected, whenever Dumbo had to be separated from his mom and she sang 'Baby Mine' to him, the waterworks started flowing. Which is what led them to where they were now._

_"Kurt?"_

_"It's just... this movie. My mom and I used to watch it a lot when we were little and she used to sing this to me and-"_

_"Oh. Oh Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't- I wasn't even-"_

_"It's okay. It's fine, I just- I forgot how much I loved this part and... I just miss her, you know?"_

_"I know. I'm sorry," Blaine pulled him into his arms, hugging him tightly as Kurt took in a few shaky breaths and calmed himself down in his boyfriend's arms. It felt good to be there, to have someone to hold him like this whenever he felt sad or down or whatever. Blaine's arms around him felt nice and he sighed, snuggling into his boyfriend's grasp as Blaine fell backward onto the couch and Kurt laid against his chest. "We can stop the movie, if you want?"_

_"No, you've been dying to watch this. We can continue. Just don't judge me if I cry."_

_"I'm not gonna judge you, silly. I was close to crying too until I saw you were."_

_"Well, if we're both gonna cry, then we can do it together."_

_"Deal."_

_By the end of that song, they were both crying softly, arms wrapped around each other and while Kurt missed his mom something fierce, he was glad he had Blaine to help him feel better._

::::::::::

"But you're so precious to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine-"

Blaine's voice trailed through the room, vibrating its way through Kurt's soul and he stepped back, rushing down the hall as the tears continued to flow and drip down his chin onto his clothes. Just listening to his ex sing to their son broke his heart into a million more pieces, far more than he _ever_ thought it could be broken again. Heart shattered, he collapsed onto the sofa, sobbing into his hands as he dropped his head to his knees and broke down over everything he realized he missed all because of some stupid outburst, all because of some stupid jealousy.

Back then, he'd been so angry at Blaine for lying to him and now he was angry at himself for letting it all go over something as trivial as his fears of being a _trophy husband_.

Because as he looked at Blaine's life now, no matter how bad off he had it, he was still rich with love, rich with the pleasure of having a beautiful family... and Kurt, he- while he had a _rich_ fiance and good friends, he didn't have any of what Blaine had. Nothing - not the beautiful family and the unconditional love of it all. His life in comparison was poor and he hated it, _hated_ it because he had no one to blame but _himself._

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**A/N: I'm gonna reiterate this - I love getting reviews, I really do. Constructive criticism is great too because it helps a writer polish up their skills and really get down to business (don't start singing Mulan at me please lol.) However, when someone comes on anon and sends you mean messages on tumblr and here and whatever, it gets kinda lame. I appreciate all of my readers and when they're not happy, I try to... well, make them happy. However, I'm not gonna all of a sudden write a completely different story because one or two people are mad about something. I had to ignore/delete a few comments yesterday because people were mad about Blaine at the end of the chapter. Well, like I said before, it's blangst and it's gonna be sad and awful and whatever for everyone (especially Blaine) but I did throw in a few clues that would show that Blaine wasn't really that kind of person. I was hoping people would catch onto that, but some didn't and that's okay. That's my fault. I should've been more clear. However, what's not cool is when you send an author hate because of something you didn't like. Message them and tell them your qualms, but don't name call or be a dick. It's not cute. Anyway, I really appreciate the feedback you all have given me over the last several chapters and I hope this one was up to par to you as well. Be on the lookout for the next update soon. I've been getting these out fast because of this damn pneumonia, let me tell ya!**


	8. Chapter 8

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Anyway, I own nothing!**

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It had been over three years since Kurt last dealt with a drunken Blaine Anderson, but despite the long amount of time they'd been separated, he knew damn well what happened when Blaine got drunk. One of those things was, unfortunately, that he would pass out and sleep for quite some time. The first time Kurt ever witnessed it was after Rachel's trainwreck of a houseparty his junior year. Another time was the day after the New Directions' class of 2013 had their graduation party. Both of those instances ended with Blaine getting significantly trashed and then sleeping the day away the following morning, so Kurt should've known it would happen this time around. However, he forgot and found himself being shocked awake by a small finger poking him in his shoulder.

"Hello? Hello Mister?"

Kurt blinked his tired eyes open, cringing against the sunlight that seeped in through the living room window. His head felt like it was full of sand, his neck barely holding it up as he pushed himself into a sitting position and yawned. The poking feeling came back with a vengeance, this time more forceful than the last, and he grumbled out a response that stopped whoever was tapping at him.

"Who are you?"

The voice broke through his thoughts again and Kurt forced his burning eyes open, staring down at the small human who stood before him. Landon was looking up at him, arms curled around Margaret Thatcher dog as he curiously eyed the person sitting on his living room sofa. His curly hair stuck up all over the place, golden-green eyes sparkling as he studied Kurt up and down like he was excited to see a new person in his house. When Kurt was finally awake enough to respond, Landon stepped closer to him, hand stretched out to touch his vest, little fingers trailing along the dark buttons.

"I like your vest."

"Thank you."

"Daddy wears vests sometimes. He has nice vests too. Do you know my daddy?"

"Yes, I do."

"My daddy told me not to talk to strangers, but you know him so it's okay. Are you my daddy's friend?"

"I..." Swallowing heavily, Kurt looked around the room, nervousness bubbling in his stomach as he thought about what he _wished_ he could say. Deep down, he would love to call himself Blaine's friend again, but after what happened between them, he knew it would probably never happen. After the last week, it looked like his dreams of what would happen after he (ever) found Blaine would never come true and while he couldn't blame Blaine for not wanting any of the New York crew back in his life, he still hoped that maybe one day his ex could let them back in. Or at least him, though it seemed highly impossible. "I, uh..."

"Can you make me something to eat?"

The question shocked Kurt enough to make him forget what he was answering. Eyes wide, he glanced down at the small child before him, expression softening when he saw the little boy looking up at him so fondly, trust blooming in those eyes that looked so much like Blaine's. "You want something to eat?"

"Daddy's sleepin' and it's time for breakfast. I'm hungry. Can you make me something?" Landon fidgeted on his feet, tiny toes wiggling as he shuffled back and forth in wait. His actions reminded Kurt of Blaine so much, from the unsettled nature to the way he stared up at the older man with his big doe eyes. The child screamed _Blaine_ from head to toe, but it wasn't until Kurt took too long with his answer that he found himself breathless at the glare he was receiving - because that was _his_ glare. Landon was staring at him, eyes narrowed dangerously as he waited for an answer and Kurt almost choked up at the look before him. Because in that moment, there was no one else in the world that Landon resembled more than _him_.

"Oh honey, yeah I can cook for you." He finally croaked out, smiling when the toddler grinned back at him, tiny white teeth gleaming in the daylight. "What do you want to eat?"

"Fruit! Daddy gives me fruit and yogurt and it's yummy so I'd like that please!"

_So polite_, Kurt thought to himself as he pushed his exhausted body off of the sofa. Before he had a chance to take a step forward, Landon reached out and slid his small hand into his, wrapping his tiny fingers around two of Kurt's. The action made every part of Kurt's body lurch with heartbreak, the ache chilling his bones, and he almost broke down then and there, stomach clenching over the thought that this was _his_ son holding his hand, trusting him to make him breakfast while Blaine was finally catching some shut eye. Tears in his eyes, Kurt let the child drag him to the kitchen, sighing shakily when Landon finally let go of his hand and paused in front of the refrigerator.

"Can I have bananas and strawberries and grapes please?"

"Just those three things?" Kurt asked, his voice on the verge of locking up in his tightening throat. His words were shaky, he could hear it when he spoke, but Landon obviously didn't notice, his eyes glancing up in thought as he figured out what else he wanted to eat.

"And maybe some kiwi," he finally added, smiling brightly enough that some of Kurt's nerves calmed down enough for him to open the fridge and get to work. As he dug through the insane amount of fresh veggies and fruits that Blaine had filled their refrigerator with, Landon took a seat at the little kitchen table, his legs swinging while he watched his daddy's _friend_ work. "Do you have kids?"

Kurt paused, pursing his lips together, finally gathering a deep breath to answer with. "Yes. I do. Just one."

"Boy or girl?"

"Boy."

"How old?"

"He's... three."

"Like me! I'm three!" Landon cheered, his smile widening when Kurt turned back to look at him. Tears shimmered in the older man's eyes and he shook his head, fighting hard not to break down in front of the child beside him. In order to keep his mind off things, he immediately went to work cutting up the fruits that Landon specified, peeling the banana first followed by the kiwi before he began chopping them and the strawberries and grapes into bite sized pieces. Fortunately for him, Landon seemed to be done with the twenty-one questions game he'd been playing; the toddler instead wandered out of the room for just a second, coming back with a coloring book that seemed to also double as a learning activity. While Kurt finished making his breakfast, the child traced letters with his crayons, tiny tongue sticking out of the corner of his closed mouth as he wrote with surprising precision.

"You're very good at that," Kurt praised, putting the bowl of chopped fruit in front of his son (it felt weird to think of him that way because he was sure Blaine would _never_ think of Kurt as Landon's father, but just knowing that Landon was _his_ despite Kurt not being there made it feel wrong to _not_ think of him as such.) "Do you and your daddy practice a lot?"

"Yeah. Daddy reads to me every night and we work on letters." He pointed to where Blaine had written out _Landon_ in all capital letters, Landon's shaky writing squiggly but legible beneath it. "It's for when I go to school!"

"You are very smart."

"Thank you. My daddy says too," Landon said with a smile, pushing his coloring book to the side before he yanked his bowl of fruit in front of him. "Can I have a yogurt too? With cinnamon?" When Kurt finally grabbed him a small container of yogurt, Landon thanked him, giggling when the older man accidentally sprinkled way too much spice onto it. "It's okay. I like cinnamon!"

"I bet you do. Your daddy does too."

After that, the talking dwindled, the only sounds made were from Landon as he ate a spoonful of fruit followed by a spoonful of cinnamon doused yogurt. Occasionally he'd hum happily, smiling over at Kurt before he dug back in. After several minutes went by, he finally shoved his bowl away, patting his belly adorably before he glanced at the fridge again. "Can I have a juice?"

"Which one?" Remembering that he saw several varieties of juice boxes on the door of the fridge, he waited until Landon finally chose apple juice before he handed him a box and watched the little boy grab up his coloring book to head back into the living room. A moment later, the tv clicked on to some cartoons, so Kurt went about cleaning up, quietly finishing off the bits of fruit Landon left in the bowl before he washed, dried, and put it away. As he was in the process of tossing out the yogurt cup, a shiver ran down his spine when he heard Landon's voice jabbering to someone that he was sure _wasn't_ Blaine since he didn't hear anyone talking back. Scared, he dashed out of the kitchen, hands slightly sticky from handling the yogurt container, and when he saw Landon sitting on the floor with _his_ cellphone in hand, his heart stopped. "Landon? Who are you talking to?"

"I dunno. Here," the toddler said, holding Kurt's phone up for the man to grab from his hand. Once his fingers were free, the child went back to coloring, tongue back to peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he worked. Kurt panicked, heart racing in his chest as he thought about who Landon could've been talking to. It could've been Rachel... maybe Santana or _god forbid_ Alex! However, when he pressed the phone to his ear, his heartbeat slowed when his dad's voice filtered from the other side.

"Kurt?"

"Dad? Oh thank god."

"Who was that I was just talking to? He said his name was Landon and he said something about Blaine and-"

"It's a long story. Like a _really_ long story. Is there any way I can call you back?"

Burt sighed on the other end, "So I just spoke to a little kid who may or may not have something to do with Blaine, someone with the same name of the fiance you had about three and a half years ago, and you want to call me back later to _talk_ about it?" When Kurt didn't respond, Burt continued, "Are you still in LA? Did you find Blaine there? You've gotta level with me, Kurt, because I haven't heard you talk about Blaine in a long time and-"

"Blaine's here, dad. We ran into him about a week ago and he's got a son... a three year old son."

"A three year old? So what's that mean, bud? Because I'm a little confused here. You guys broke up three years ago and you told me that it was all a misunderstanding but Blaine disappeared and-"

"He's mine, dad. Landon's mine."

"Oh."

"I just... he looks like _both_ of us. He's adorable, dad, and I didn't even know about him. I broke up with Blaine and he was pregnant and I didn't even know. God, he tried to tell me and I ignored him and _fuck_, there's a little kid in the living room right now who's _mine_. I just- _dad_." Kurt's voice cracked as he settled down at the kitchen table, tears blurring his vision while the sounds of Landon singing along to the theme song to _Bubble Guppies_ played on. Everything was surrounding him so fast; all of his regret and disgust with what occurred over the last few years slammed into him like a tidal wave and he wanted to scream and shout. He wanted to throw things and cry, but most of all, he wanted to _fix_ it. Disgusted, he shook his head and swallowed the knot in his throat as he thought about the all-of-a-sudden _heavy_ ring that sat on his finger, the major tie that left him in New York basically. Alex, his fiance, was off doing god knows what in Prague while Kurt was having a major meltdown in Los Angeles and all he really wanted to do was take the damn ring off and chuck it into the Pacific Ocean.

But it wasn't really Alex's fault that Kurt was feeling shitty about any of this. Kurt was the main one at fault here. If he had just kept his cool back then, if he hadn't have been such a jerk three years ago, this all could have been avoided. The little boy in the room next to him would've been _his_ too (not just biologically, but fully his - his _son_) and the man sleeping off a hangover in a too small toddler sized bed would've been his husband instead of a complete stranger. Gasping, Kurt bit back the sobs that threatened to overpower him and he focused in on his dad's words, the older Hummel's soothing voice bringing him back to the present.

"Breathe kiddo. Don't freak yourself out. Keep breathing." Once it sounded like everything had calmed down, Burt spoke again, his voice tired and thick. "You know I always wondered what happened to Blaine? When you called me that night asking if I'd heard from him, I had no idea what to do. You two broke up and I told myself that I wasn't gonna fly up to NYC and kill him because when you told me, you said you handled it. Then you called me a month later saying he disappeared and you let it go too far and I didn't know what to do. I looked around here. I called his parents and they wouldn't tell me jack shit. I called Cooper and he wouldn't tell me anything either. Now I know he's been in LA, probably this whole time, and he's got my _grandson_ with him? God, Kurt, this news is mindboggling to me, but are _you_ okay?"

"No," Kurt whispered, wiping the wetness from his eyes with the bottom of his hand. He sniffled a bit and settled down, breathing in slow and steady to calm his racing heart. "I thought I was coming here to see Rachel and check out LA. I _never_ imagined _this_. But... god, I'm glad I found him."

"Is he glad _you_ found _him_?"

Kurt chuckled bitterly, training his ears back to the living room where he could hear Landon still singing along, his high-pitched voice mixing perfectly with whatever was on tv. Just listening to him made Kurt wonder if he'd grow up to be a singer... much like both of his daddies should have been. "Dad, I... can I call you back later? Blaine's asleep and Landon's watching tv alone and-"

"I understand. I still don't know what's going on over there, kid, but if you need me, you _call_ me, okay? I love you."

"I love you too, dad. So much."

With a few more goodbyes, Kurt hung up the phone and dropped his head into his hands, letting the rest of the tears out before he finally cleaned himself up and wandered back into the living room. Landon was still there, sitting on the sofa with his legs tucked beneath him as his concentration remained on the tv alone. When Kurt sat down next to him, the toddler glanced over, smiling slightly before he scooted his way over, settling down next to Kurt, his tiny head falling over to lean against Kurt's arm. Another shiver ran down Kurt's spine as he took a good look at his son and how much Landon was like the perfect little mixture of him and Blaine. Landon's curly hair was obviously Blaine's, but it mirrored Kurt's shade; his nose and cheeks were dusted with light freckles like both of his daddies, but his fair skin looked like it would burn easily in the sun much like Kurt's. He was thin, but tiny and just looking at his stature reminded Kurt of whenever he would look at childhood photos of himself. He too was tiny for his age and it looked like Landon inherited that too.

"Do you like my daddy?" The little boy finally asked, breaking the silence that had been filling up the room for the last several minutes. Kurt looked down at him, into those earnest honey eyes and he sighed, smiling sweetly at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"How do you know my daddy?"

"We... umm, we were friends a long time ago."

"Do you know Auntie Avery?"

"Yes, I do. She's... umm, very nice."

"She's my bestest friend." Landon bounced a little, his hand patting against Kurt's arm as he looked up excitedly. "She gives me presents and we have fun!" The more he talked, the more Kurt noticed that he had a little trouble pronouncing his _R_s and _Fs_, but it was so ridiculously adorable that all Kurt could do was smirk at him as the little boy rambled on and on.

Of course, right as they started to bond a little, a noise from the hallway alerted them both to a presence across the room and they looked up, Landon grinning as Kurt's smile faded away at the sight of his ex staring angrily at him. "Landon," Blaine started, eyes still on Kurt, "why don't you go play for a little bit? Daddy needs to talk with his friend."

"Okay!" Surprisingly without an argument, Landon rushed off, hugging Blaine's leg before he tore down the hall and back into his bedroom, his chatter flowing after him when he finally started to play with his toys. It wasn't until he was gone and busy that Blaine finally acknowledged Kurt vocally, but when he did, it didn't look like things were going to start out pretty.

"You're still here." Not a question.

"I am."

"I woke up thinking... no, _hoping_ that what I had last night was just a nightmare, but then I heard you talking to Landon and I realized that _why would I think that was just a dream_? I mean, it's not like anything in my life's gone right since I came out of the closet, right?"

"Blaine-"

"At first, I panicked because my son disappeared and I thought that maybe my nightmare had come true and that you waited until I passed out so you could take Landon and run off to New York with your new rich fiance, but then he started talking and I thought _thank god he's still here_. Then I come down here to see if maybe he's just watching tv by himself but _no_, you're here. I guess the whole fear thing didn't completely go away - you're still sitting in my living room like you were invited to stay over."

"I thought about leaving, I did... but then I wasn't sure if you'd let me talk to you any other time. Plus, I... kinda fell asleep waiting for you. I thought you'd come back."

"Well, you thought wrong." Grumbling, Blaine took a seat on the recliner next to the sofa, his body sagging into the plush interior as he brought his hands to his temples to rub at the ache within. Kurt watched him sadly, knowing damn well that his ex probably had one hell of a headache (as he usually got with hangovers) but he wasn't sure what to do. Finally, he pounced, praying that his actions wouldn't come across as fake.

"Do you want me to get you something to drink? Like water? And maybe some aspirin?"

"You talk to me like you know what to do when I have a hangover. Newsflash, Kurt... I can take care of myself. I've done it for years, I'm a _father_, I know what I'm doing. You don't have to baby me."

_I was right. He did take it bad._ "I know you can take care of yourself. I was just asking-"

"Well don't." The younger man closed his eyes and slumped further into the recliner, a long sigh slipping from his lips as he finally got settled. After a few tense moments passed, he finally opened his eyes and looked over at Kurt, his brows furrowed as he took in his ex's body language. "Well, you wanted to talk, so talk. I'm not entertaining you all day. Lan and I have stuff to do."

Nodding, Kurt linked his fingers together, sucking in a deep breath as he thought about what he was going to say. He knew that most of what he stated wouldn't be taken very lightly by his ex, especially since the Blaine he loved so long ago seemed to have been hardened by his life over here in California. However, he hoped that he could break through a little bit of the rough exterior shell that Blaine encased himself in for his own protection. "Blaine, I... I'm sorry." His words were met with a scoff, as expected. "I know that doesn't mean much, if _anything_, to you, but I am. I've never been more sorry about anything in my life." He paused, catching his breath again as his nerves caught up with him. "The day I broke up with you was probably one of the dumbest things I've _ever_ done. I... I was so mad that day - at you, at NYADA, at _everything_. And instead of taking a step back to collect my thoughts, I lashed out at the one person I knew would... god, this sounds so bad... at the one person I knew wouldn't fight back."

Blaine stilled across from him, his nostrils flaring just a bit as he inhaled sharply, but other than that, he didn't budge. Kurt continued, "That day, everybody kept on saying stuff about you and the showcase and how they heard that you were going to break up with me because June said that the only way you'd be a star was if you were single. I- fuck, I know I shouldn't have listened to them; they were the fucking NYADA _rumor_ mill, but all I kept thinking about was how Rachel was getting her big break and so was Mercedes and then I had a chance and instead of choosing me, June chose _you_ and I was _so_ mad."

Still Blaine said nothing, his eyes focusing on the edge of the couch just beyond where Kurt sat. His expression wasn't readable either; Kurt couldn't tell if he was still angry or on the verge of tears, but no matter what, he was quiet. Just _quiet_.

"I was jealous. It's so dumb, to be jealous of the person you love... but my mind, it just- it kept on screaming at me about you and about everybody else. How no matter what I did, I'd never get chosen for anything. How it was the same way with Tony in high school for _West Side Story;_ how I auditioned for him and you didn't and yet they still wanted _you_. It just clicked to me that no matter what, we were always going to go against each other and, in my mind, you were always going to win and I was jealous. God, Blaine, I was so jealous. I wasn't even thinking! I was _blinded_ by it! I didn't even think about how there would be roles more accustomed to me than you or how it wasn't your fault that you peaked June's interest. I was... I was so fucking mad that I wasn't thinking.

"Then I heard those rumors and something snapped. I swear to you, something inside me just snapped in half and I kept thinking about how angry I was that she picked you over me. I was mad at myself for bringing you along because if I hadn't, then she would've chosen me, but most of all... I was mad at you. And, god, I had no reason to be. You weren't the one who did it; we _talked_ about it and I told you I was okay and at the time, I thought I was, but then everything kept adding up and I was too jealous of _everything_ and I snapped and I'm _sorry!_" He bit back a sob, hiccuping over the throb of his chest as he shook his head and let the tears fall. "I let you go for no good reason."

Blaine, heartbreakingly enough, was still dead silent, though the look on his face had now went from blank to completely disgusted, like Kurt's words were getting under his skin, burrowing into his flesh and down into his soul.

"Blaine?"

"You broke up with me because you were jealous? I told June off because I didn't want to end things with you because I _loved_ you and I felt bad that she picked me over you! I came to the school that day to tell you I quit-"

"I know."

"You _know_? Oh, well... enlighten me!" His words were biting, sarcastic, and they felt like shards of glass against Kurt's heart.

Closing his eyes, Kurt sniffled as the hot tears leaked from the corner of his lashes and spilled down his cheeks. He could picture the moment as if it were yesterday; how he was walking down the halls of NYADA just a week after Blaine disappeared and how he slipped into the bathrooms to collect his composure after someone made a crack about Blaine as he walked by. He wasn't even in the restrooms very long when some of the other guys came in, all of them chatting about Blaine's sudden withdrawal from NYADA. It wasn't until one of them said something about June that Kurt really clued in, his stomach churning with nausea as he listened to the men outside the stall cackle over Blaine's misfortune. At that moment, he learned of it all: how Blaine quit the showcase for Kurt, how Kurt broke his heart, all the things people said and did to him before he left, and then how Blaine went crawling back to June for another chance. By the end, the guys at the sinks were laughing hysterically over what they called Blaine's _failure_ and Kurt, once they left, broke down in the stall, weeping over everything he heard and what he did to add to that. "I heard about it after you left. People were talking-"

"The same people who said I was going to break off our engagement for June? Figures."

"Blaine, I didn't-"

"That's right. You _didn't_. You didn't listen to me, you didn't give me a chance. You just set your mind to something and went on your merry old way. You didn't even let me have a moment to explain myself. And then... _and then_ you let your friends think I _cheated_ on you again when you know damn well that I would've rather _killed_ myself than hurt you like that again." Finally something in Blaine cracked: his voice, just at the end of that sentence. Tears shimmered in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. If anything, they were tears of _anger_ and that's what hurt Kurt most of all. Because Blaine wasn't sad about their break-up anymore; he was _livid_. "You went a whole _month_ without talking to me! You let your guard dogs tear me apart every single time I went near you! You turned _our_ friends against me by letting them think that I hurt you again when in reality, you hurt me! I spent a whole month trying to get you to listen to me! I spent a whole month trying to get everyone to understand things from _my_ point of view and nobody cared. That's all that ever happens when it comes to me-"

"_Blaine_-"

"I left my family for you, Kurt. My dad kept saying _getting engaged at your age is stupid, Blaine._ But I didn't listen. I _fought_ for you. I bent over backwards to be with you!" His voice hitched, growing higher in pitch as he got more emotional. "Remember my graduation? My parents didn't even come! They were so pissed off with me for _throwing my life away_ and I told myself that it was their loss because I was going to make something of myself in New York and we were going to get married and be happy and show them that they were wrong! And then one day you get mad at me and break off the engagement and then where was I? Right where my parents said I would be!"

For a second, he paused, head shaking as he looked at his trembling hands. When he glanced back up, Kurt felt his whole body tense with pain. "When I had Landon, the day of his birth... I was alone. Avery was there because she was my nurse, but I didn't know her back then like I do now. Coop was off in Chicago filming a commercial and my parents- my parents didn't even pick up the phone. Cooper called them months before to tell them about me being pregnant and when he mentioned that you and I were broken up, you wanna know what my dad said? _That's what he gets._ Not _poor Blaine, I'm so sorry_ but... _that's what he gets_." Finally some tears started to fall, but _not_ because of Kurt... they had nothing to do with him. They were for _Landon_. "They've never met my son. They never cared. I've got the most perfect little boy in there," he gestured down the hall, "who is their first grandchild and they don't even care... because_ I_ fucked up my life and that's what_ I_ deserve."

"I'm so-"

"I thought we were okay! After that shooting my senior year, when Becky accidentally dropped her gun? I thought things were finally okay with me and my parents after that. They started coming around. Then I got back with you and things got bad again and while, back then, I would have _never_ blamed anything on you, I can't- now I can't help but wish sometimes that maybe I listened to them about you."

All the air whooshed from Kurt's lungs as he stared up at his ex's face, chest clenching when those soul shattering words slipped from Blaine's mouth. All those years, all that time between them that Kurt so carelessly threw away... he regretted every single bit of it.

Blaine regretted ever doing what he did with Kurt... and it _hurt_.

"Blaine, _god_-"

"I don't regret getting Landon out of it. He's the one thing of mine that I know won't hurt me like everyone else has. Maybe when he's older he'll go through that _I hate you_ phase that teens sometimes do, but right now, I'm his world and he's mine and that's all that matters. People come and go, I know that now. But my family's mine forever. Landon's my family. He's all I got. Cooper's here, yeah, but he's not the man I thought he'd be. He's still as self-centered as always. Other than that, that's all the blood family I have."

"B-Blaine." It was pathetic really. Of all the things Kurt wanted to say, to apologize for, all he could really croak out was his ex's name. _Blaine_ was the only word he could muster up, the only one that would break through the knot in his throat, and he hated it. Not because he hated Blaine, but because of how _awful_ he felt in that moment. To know all of Blaine's feelings on the matter - hell, he wasn't even sure if that _was_ everything. Because three long years of bitterness and heartbreak couldn't be summed up in just a few sentences.

Even if one of them basically meant _I regret loving you_.

Shaking his head, Kurt covered his face with his hands, sobbing into them as he listened to Blaine rise from his chair and pad across the room, his footfalls soft against the plush carpet. For a second, he puttered around a shelf somewhere near the tv and then Kurt felt a weight on his legs, pulling his hands away for just a second to look down and find a large, beautifully decorated book sitting on his lap. On the front was the name _Landon_ spelled in cut-out baby blue letters with white polka dots. Above it sat a grainy black and white photo - an _ultrasound_ of a tiny growing baby.

"A scrapbook?"

Blaine didn't answer, instead he walked towards the doorway, pausing for just a second to take a deep breath before he glanced back at Kurt. "You can leave if you want. Or you can stay and look at that. I really don't care. If you want to know what you missed in his life, it's all in there. Not everything, you can't scrapbook everything, but the big milestones are in it."

"Blaine, I-"

"Don't ask me for anything else. Especially things I can't give you." With that, he disappeared down the hall, Landon's squeals of _daddy look _filling the air not long after. Once he was alone, Kurt trailed his fingers over the raised lettering on the baby book's cover and he took another trembling breath, shaking his head as he felt the guilt and anguish from this whole situation paint over him. He knew what Blaine meant when he said the things he could not give him - he was meaning _Landon_ and _forgiveness_.

Just knowing that he'd probably never be forgiven for his one greatest mistake made Kurt's world feel like it was falling apart all over again. And when Landon's giggling traveled back down the hall and reminded Kurt of everything he'd ever done _wrong_ in that situation, he cried a little more, mourning the loss of a family that he stupidly destroyed before they even had a chance to form.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for the support and kind words last chapter. I really appreciate it. A few of you messaged me about whether or not your reviews came off too harshly for chapter six and for those of you who did, don't fret! The reviews I got that weren't very... umm, nice were deleted and they were from anons so anything constructive criticism based is still there and no, you did not hurt my feelings! Like I said criticism is helpful as long as it isn't mean and everybody was pretty kind with whatever qualms they had. So thanks again for that! Also, I mentioned Blaine's parents in this chapter and while I do believe they are supportive and everything of Blaine in canon, for this I went with the whole 'they ditched him thing' and based it off of their absence at Blaine's graduation. I'm pretty sure they were there offscreen in canon, but for this (and for the blangst) they aren't in the picture. Umm, anyway... now Burt knows (uh oh), Kurt's got the baby book (double uh oh) and there's someone we haven't heard from yet who might make an appearance soon. Any guesses?**


	9. Chapter 9

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Anyway, I own nothing!**

**A/N: Played with time a little bit this chapter since Glee's timeline's so effed up anyway. It's probably really confusing and I apologize for that, but I was confused myself when I tried to go back and sort everything out for this flashback portion. If you have any questions about it, message me on here and I'll try my best to explain. If not, just take it all in stride. That's what I'm doing lol.**

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**May 2014**

_"Did you hear? Anderson's gonna break up with Hummel soon. I guess June Dolloway's got this huge plan involving him playing straight to get more backers and since he's engaged to Kurt, it's like a liability or something."_

_"Do you really think he'll break up with him though? I mean, come on. Hummel's a catch. He beat Rachel Berry at Midnight Madness!"_

_"Yeah, but what's he doing now honestly? Berry's on Broadway, his fiance's June Dolloway's new pet, and he's singing at a diner while he serves fries! Personally I think if Blaine wants to make it big like the rest of us, he'd ditch that one trick pony and go with June."_

_"So you think he'll do it?"_

_"Please." The mystery boy chuckled, his laughter making the ice in Kurt's veins harden up. "I did some background research on the two of them, considering they're one of NYADA's power couples and all, and I guess when they were in high school, Blaine as a _junior_ was able to weasel out the role of Tony in West Side Story right out from under Kurt's nose. Kurt auditioned for Tony while Blaine went for Officer Krupke and the casting director pulled _Blaine_ in for the lead! Obviously Kurt can't mean that much to him if he went ahead and stole the dream role right out from under him-"_

_"Jacob, I don't know-"_

_"And then June Dolloway comes to town, Kurt gets picked to sing for her - _why_ I'll _never_ know - then he brings his fiance along and what happens? She likes Anderson more than him! And what does Blaine do?"_

_"He went along with Miss Dolloway."_

_"Bingo! Instead of bowing out and letting his fiance shine, that freaking spotlight hog has been planning a whole showcase based around himself and now he's going to break up with Kurt to further his career. You know it's going to happen!"_

_"Well... now that you mention the high school thing, it really does put things into perspective."_

_"Yeah. That relationship's doomed. If Hummel knew what was good for him, he'd end it before Blaine has the chance to publicly humiliate him. It's bad enough he's getting this overshadowed this early in their engagement; he'll be nothing but arm candy when they're married and Blaine's making it big-"_

_From there, Kurt couldn't listen to anymore. He was pissed over hearing those things being said... and the truth was, those two guys weren't even the first two people he heard that day talking about him and Blaine. Practically everyone in the school was buzzing with the newest news that Alicia Hamilton overheard. She heard June telling Blaine over dinner that he needed to end it with Kurt so that his career would flourish. Then someone named Parker Areundel heard them in one of the rehearsal rooms discussing Kurt's part in Blaine's showcase and according to him, Kurt didn't even have a part at all! Which was nothing like Blaine promised!_

_Everyone made sure that Kurt heard them talking too. Girls raised their voices as he walked by, guys whispered behind him in combat class or blatantly spoke about it while he practiced his sword fighting technique just inches away from their backs. The more he heard, the angrier he got. Plus he had his teachers grinding his ass all day, Rachel was annoying him to death with her discussions about leaving Broadway for television, and work was killing him, his long hours at the diner making it difficult for him to even have a personal life anymore. Most nights, he'd lay in his bed and wait for Blaine to call, rolling his eyes when his fiance's name finally popped up on his phone screen, Blaine whispering out thousands of apologies for his tardiness in calling Kurt back. There were excuses about practices, lies about tweaking Kurt's part in the show, and as he walked through the hall that very day, all Kurt could think about was what else he was being lied to about._

_It was hard back then, building up the trust that Blaine so very easily shattered when he cheated on Kurt a year and a half earlier. When they got back together last spring, it was finally after Kurt rebuilt his heart and trust and allowed Blaine back in. Now though, hearing that Blaine was back to lying to him again, especially after lying was one of the main things they promised to not do to each other... well, it was disgusting._

_Anger licked at his soul, building up within him as he went through the rest of the day with people whispering behind his back and laughing as he wandered by. For the longest, he'd been respected at that school, admired for defeating Rachel at Midnight Madness and for being specifically chosen for admission by Carmen __Tibideaux _herself. Now, however, with Blaine under the same roof, it was like his achievements went unnoticed. Blaine skimmed beneath the surface for his first semester and barely made it above water for the first half of the second, but when June Dolloway came to town and his fiance impressed the hell out of the socialite, all of a sudden Blaine Anderson went from being just Kurt's fiance to being a genuine threat.

_And for some time, Kurt was proud of that... now, he felt jealous and betrayed. Because Blaine was lying to him; Blaine was keeping secrets which was something he promised to never do and it made Kurt wonder how many more of his promises he wouldn't be able to keep._

_He'd broken them before. Who's to say he wouldn't do it again?_

_Disgusted, he made his way through the building, brows furrowed as he listened to the sound of Blaine's voice and the pinging of the piano keys come trickling down the hall. At that moment in time, he didn't want to hear his fiance singing, didn't want to hear him playing, and when Blaine finally finished and stood up to greet him, Kurt raised a hand, stormy grey eyes narrowing as every single fear and envy laced doubt came pouring from his mouth. Before he knew it, he was throwing his engagement ring at Blaine and storming out of the building, stomach locked up tight in worry as he wondered about what the hell he just did._

_That night as he carelessly threw stuff into a large box and tossed it outside of the loft entrance, he ignored the pang in his chest that begged him to run back to Blaine and explain himself and to allow Blaine to do the same. When weeks went by and he pushed himself to continue on with his veiled lies, he finally felt himself begin to calm down, not enough that he was ready to forgive Blaine, not _that _much, but enough that he was psyching himself up to finally open up about his plaguing fears and insecurities._

_Then Blaine disappeared and the residual anger floated right out of the window when Kurt realized that maybe he fucked it up more than he thought he did._

::::::::::

_"So I heard June Dolloway's got a new pet now. Remember Carmello DiGoza? She pulled him out of class the other day and told him she's gonna make him a star!"_

_"I guess that means that Blaine Anderson really fucked up then."_

_"Obviously he did. I mean, Kurt broke up with him, Dolloway dumped him, and now he's not showing up to class-"_

_"Oh my god, speaking of that, I heard that he dropped out!"_

_"No way! You've gotta be kidding me? Did he really?"_

_"Rumor has it that he withdrew and went back home to Ohio. Don't quote me on that, but I'm pretty sure part of that is true - and by part, I mean that he dropped out because Cassie July was screaming about it in her class."_

_"Damn. He must've really fucked up. Losing his fiance and his benefactor within hours of each other? I would drop out too. I wouldn't be able to show my face around here without wanting to die."_

_"Yeah because you know if he comes back, everyone will be on that ass."_

_"He'll probably come back thirty pounds fatter."_

_"He _was_ packing on the pounds before the end. Must've been the guilt."_

_"Must've."_

_The gossipers finally left the bathroom, the door clacking shut behind them before Kurt slumped to the floor of the dirty bathroom stall and broke down. Blaine had been missing for a few days now; no one was able to get a hold of him and Kurt felt like shit because of it, because the very last words he spoke to his ex were nothing but angry, hate laced sentiments brought on by stress and his fears. He knew they should've talked about it; fuck, their whole relationship's last few weeks kept on getting hammered with communication issues and they promised to work on it. From Blaine's insecurities about his weight to their problems with living together, they promised to work and instead of acting on what they said, Kurt completely let that fall to the wayside. Yes, Blaine wasn't innocent in this whole ordeal - he _lied_ - but Kurt was the one who let it fester, was the one who turned his back._

_Now Blaine was gone and Kurt didn't know where he disappeared to._

::::::::::

**April 2016**

_"Rumor has it Rachel Berry's really getting her own tv show."_

_"Are you kidding? What kind of tv show would they base around her? She was in Funny Girl for, like, three seconds and I'm pretty sure nobody cares about her personal life."_

_"I heard it was gonna be a reality show-"_

_"Well I guess that'll finally give her bestie something to do."_

_The original conversation starter snickered and Kurt rolled his eyes, stabbing his partially wilted salad with a fork as he ignored the petty people behind him. He was long done with confronting the millions of shit stirrers at NYADA; the first year after Blaine's disappearance was doing just that, but he was over it. Everyone knew his stance on everything; they just said shit now to get under his skin._

_It didn't though. Not anymore._

_"I can't believe he's graduating in a month and he hasn't had a single role on Broadway."_

_"I bet if he didn't run his ex-fiance off, he'd be starring in tons of stuff. He dug that grave himself."_

_"Yeah and ruined someone else's life in the process. It wouldn't surprise me if that Anderson guy's off somewhere sucking dick for money."_

_"Or using drugs."_

_"Definitely."_

_With another roll of his eyes, Kurt stuffed a bit of his lunch into his mouth and listened as the gossipers left the room cackling to each other. Their voices trailed down the hall after them, their words about him meaning absolutely nothing as he finished his lunch and played a game on his phone. He only had two more classes for the day and then it was off to a Vogue dinner with Isabelle and the crew. Sure, he wasn't getting work like some of his other classmates were, but he still had Vogue to fall back on and he didn't give two shits about his school mates. Kurt Hummel was gonna make it someday, Broadway or not._

::::::::::

**August 2017**

_"Hey babe, long day?"_

_Kurt plopped down on the bed, huffing out a breath as he looked at his fiance. Alex was in the midst of packing his suitcase for yet_ another _trip, the other man not looking up from folding his clothes even though he asked Kurt about his day. "Found out I didn't get that role I auditioned for. Oh, and Isabelle chose someone else to go with her to France already because I told her I was sure I'd get this one, so I don't have any back-up plans for the fall. I'm going to be stuck here all autumn long with nothing to do." He frowned slightly, rolling onto his side to peer into Alex's suitcase. "Are you sure I can't come along with you to Prague? We could spend some time together since we haven't had any quality alone time with one another since you got back from Tokyo."_

_"Kurt, you know it's unprofessional for someone of my caliber to bring their significant other along on trips like this. I'm going to be busy all the time and you'll be stuck in the hotel-" Before Kurt could comment about sightseeing (as he usually did during arguments such as this, as frequent as they were), Alex continued. "It's better for you to be here. You can spend time with your friends and everything. It won't be fun being hotel bound all the time."_

_"You always say that, but there's tons of stuff I can do while you're busy working. Come on, Alex-"_

_"You know what I'm gonna say. Just drop it, okay babe?" Without another word, the other man left the room, leaving Kurt all by himself, sighing to himself as he twirled his engagement ring back and forth on his finger._

::::::::::

Scrapbooking had always been one of Blaine's favorite hobbies. Kurt remembered long summer days spent on the floor of his bedroom with Blaine at his side, his boyfriend happily taking photos of the two of them and gluing them onto brightly colored pages, tiny captions scribbled beneath in both of their handwriting that described their love for each other. This book, Landon's baby book, was no different than the cute keepsakes that Blaine made all those years ago. Every little bit of Landon's life was documented (or at least what Blaine _could_ document.) There were photos galore of the little boy as a newborn, some from directly after his birth (with credits to Avery beneath them) and even some of him in his very first _going home_ outfit. From his birth, Landon had been completely adorable with his full head of hair and precious cherubic face. Just looking at the photos made more tears shimmer in Kurt's burning eyes and he wiped them away, smiling as he flipped through the pages and struggled to keep his composure.

As he read, the squeals of Landon's laughter tickled his ears, the toddler giggling at his father as Blaine did stupid impressions of some cartoon character Kurt couldn't recognize. They were a few rooms away, but their voices clearly came through the obviously open door of Landon's bedroom and deep within, Kurt wanted to go to them. However, he was still sucked into the baby book and he stayed there for another half hour, quietly crying as he lovingly studied each and every page that basically captured Landon's whole _life_.

By the time he was on the last page (which documented Landon's third birthday last October), Kurt felt like he'd missed more than just his son growing up - he missed _Blaine _growing up too. There were several pictures in the album of the two of them smiling in front of various places: their first apartment, Blaine's new (pre-owned) car, the new apartment, the zoo, the aquarium, etc. Every photo showed Blaine smiling proudly next to his son and Kurt knew why he looked so happy... because he was. Blaine dealt with so many hardships trying to raise Landon all alone, yet he was still incredibly grateful for everything he had, especially his son. Those pictures in the album showed many things to Kurt, but they proved the most important one - no matter what, Blaine would do anything to make sure his son was happy. There weren't any pictures of Landon in that book where he looked unhappy or neglected. He looked bright, smiley, and _loved_ and Blaine did that _all by himself_.

"I have DVDs too," a voice whispered from the doorway and Kurt looked up, not surprised to see Blaine hovering a few feet away, freshly showered and changed (when he had the time to do that Kurt didn't know, but he could find himself eying his ex appreciatively - Blaine looked _good_, he always had, though fatherhood seemed to make him more attractive in a strange sense.) Darting his eyes towards the entertainment center, Blaine continued, "They're just little things Avery recorded for me over the years. Landon's firsts mostly and then some. If you want to watch them, you can. I've got to give Landon a bath before we leave so-"

"You don't care?"

Blaine's eyes flickered up to meet Kurt's for a second before he looked away, his face schooling into a blank expression. "They're in the cabinet in a case labeled _Landon_. There's a couple in there. I'm sure you know how to work a DVD player." With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Kurt alone in the living room again. Frowning, Kurt stood up and made his way to the tv, sifting through the pile of Disney movies and various kids show DVD sets until he came across the movies he was looking for, carefully putting the one labeled _Early Landon_ into the player.

Blaine's face popped up onscreen instantly - his much younger, _tired_ face. The sound of a baby crying filled the scenery and young Blaine cooed, the camera panning backward to show him sitting in the middle of a hospital bed, his standard issued gown falling down his shoulder as he gently cradled a blue bundled infant in his arms.

"So who is this?" A voice asked offscreen, but Kurt could recognize it as Blaine's best friend Avery. She sounded younger too and even though he slightly disliked her, he appreciated her doing this for Blaine. Onscreen, Blaine smiled, his grin tinged with exhaustion as he glanced up at the camera.

"This is Landon. Landon _Finn_." Kurt's heart stopped.

"Landon Finn? So you finally decided a name? What made you choose Finn? I remember you had a bit of a dilemma on your hands last night."

Blaine blushed, lifting the infant in his arms closer as he kissed Landon's tiny button nose. "I really had to think about it. I mean, I've thought about using Finn as a middle name since I found out I was pregnant, but I wasn't sure if I should, like if I was allowed to. However, I thought it would be a nice homage to a great man that Landon will never meet - his uncle Finn."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear-"

"It's okay." Blaine was silent for a moment, his gaze on his son and his son alone. When he looked back up at the camera, he smiled again, tilting his arms to allow Avery to zoom in on the babe in them. "I have the cutest baby ever. I feel bad for everyone else whose child is not mine." Avery laughed and Kurt started to cry again, the cavernous ache within him only growing the more he was allowed into the important moments of his _family's_ life that he stupidly missed.

::::::::::

"Daddy?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Are we going to the store with your friend?" Landon ducked his head and closed his eyes as Blaine poured a cup of water over his head, washing the sudsy shampoo from his curls. Two more cupfuls followed and Landon giggled when his dad began scrubbing at his skin with a soapy washcloth.

"You mean Kurt? No, bubby, we aren't going to the store with Kurt."

"Why not?" The toddler lifted his arms, squealing as his daddy started to wash his armpits. "Daddy!"

"Quit squirming, Lando Calrissian!" Blaine teased, kissing the side of Landon's wet head before he continued washing off his son, the little boy fidgeting and splashing around the water as his dad tried to wash between his toes. "The fast we get this done, the quicker we can go to the store!"

"Can I get ice cream?"

"I dunno, baby. Your stomach's still a little messed up and- _oh my god_! Landon, I forgot about breakfast! Oh bub, I'm so sorry! You must be starving! Oh my god, what kind of father am I? Oh my god-"

"That mister gave me breakfast. He made me fruit! And yogurt with cinnamon!" Like he always did, Landon flubbed up the word _cinnamon_ a little bit, but he got his point across and Blaine sat back on his butt, staring at his son incredulously.

"Kurt made you breakfast?"

"You was sleepin' and I was hungry. It was good and my tummy feels okay! Can we get ice cream please? I want the cheesecake kind!"

Words failed the young parent as he stared at his son, watching as Landon waited for his response, his tiny face scrunched in a begging smile. His expression looked so much like Kurt that it made that ever present knot of emotion well up in Blaine's throat and he pushed it down, shaking his head as he took another cupful of water and went to rinse some of the suds off of Landon's skin. "I'm sorry I didn't get up in time to make you breakfast, honey. Just for that we can definitely have frozen yogurt today after we get done shopping."

"Thank you, daddy!"

"You're welcome." With a sad sigh, Blaine turned the water back on, using the fresh water to help rinse off Landon while he thought about what it meant that Kurt was thoughtful enough to feed Landon when he couldn't.

::::::::::

It was during a viewing of Landon's first birthday that Kurt noticed his cellphone ringing, its buzzing interrupting his train of thought as he watched Blaine sing to their son while Avery cooed and filmed. The sad thing was: they were the only two there, Blaine having explained earlier in the video that Cooper couldn't make it because of a commercial shoot. Just seeing the two filming each other with Landon made Kurt's heart break even more than he thought it ever could (as if that feeling hadn't occurred a million more times since he freaking saw his ex coming at him from across the room in some random strip club in California.) Because most children's first birthdays were fun family and friend filled occasions. It wasn't just one parent and _their_ friend like Landon's had been and seeing that broke his heart. _If they'd been in your life like they were supposed to, it would've been the whole NYC crew, your parents, and a bunch of others at the party, Kurt. Not just Blaine and Avery. _He was in the midst of wiping away more tears when the phone buzzed once again, a sharp hiss of sound rattling against the wood of the coffee table.

Annoyed, Kurt reached out and picked up the device, face paling when he saw his fiance's name onscreen. "Hello?" He finally answered, voice thick as he fought down the mixture of emotions plaguing him.

Alexander didn't seem to pick up on his distress, his laughing voice coming through the other line easily. "Hey sexy! What's going on? I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"No, it's getting close to lunch time here, so you didn't wake me."

"Oh. Great! We were just getting ready to go out to a late dinner and I wanted to call to see if you got my package?"

Kurt rolled his eyes, fingers tracing the buttons on the remote control for the DVD player. If anything, he'd rather hang up on his fiance and watch more videos of Landon and Blaine than listen to Alex ask him about the _sorry_ presents he sent to their flat in New York. However, to humor the other man, he kept talking. "No. I'm still in LA with Rachel. I probably won't be back for another week, I don't think. So I didn't get your package."

"_Kurt_! Part of it's going to expire if you aren't there to eat it!"

"Please don't tell me you got me _another_ fruit basket? Alex, I told you the last time you got me one-"

"It's chocolate covered fruit, babe! I know how much you love chocolate and I thought you'd enjoy it. Guess it'll be dead before you get back..."

"I can call the doorman and see if he can give it to his wife. I'm sure she'll enjoy it."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. A waste of money on my behalf-"

"Alexander! You _knew _I was going to be in LA for a few weeks! I told you that I didn't know when I was going to get back; it's not my fault you decided to order something perishable as a _sorry you're stuck in New York by yourself_ gift when I already told you my plans!"

"I didn't call you to fight with you, Kurt." His fiance huffed, his voice muffled for a second as he said something to someone else on the line. Unfortunately for him, he didn't cover up his phone very well, but Kurt heard the words _bitch_ and _ungrateful_ slip from his lips and he knew that Alex was talking about him.

"So I'm an ungrateful bitch?"

"No! Babe, that's not what-"

"You know what? Just call me when you aren't busy and you actually want to talk to me instead of making sure that I got your stupid fucking apology gift." Before Alex could say another word, Kurt hung up the phone, tossing it to the side as he angrily ran a hand through his hair. Annoyance blistered all over him as he thought about his fiance's nerve and how disgusting it was that this was _all_ they did anymore. There wasn't any passion in their relationship; everything was Alex's and Kurt was just there to stand and look pretty... and the more he thought about it, the more he hated it because he let it be this way.

"Trouble in paradise?" An amused voice asked from the doorway and Kurt looked up, leveling a glare at a smartly smirking Blaine.

"Do not even start with me right now-"

"Hmm. I was just wondering if you were okay, but if you want to take your anger about your current fiance out on your former one, fine." He rolled his eyes and turned away for just a second, coming to step fully into the room with Landon beside him, the child holding onto Blaine's hand tightly. "We're going to go to the store and get some things. Lan's requested that you come along because you made him breakfast and he wants to thank you for it. However, if you're gonna continue being in a sour mood, you're more than welcome to drive yourself back to Rachel's and not come back. Your choice."

Kurt looked at the two of them, taking in their slightly matching outfits and how adorable Landon looked all decked out in a dark blue cardigan and khaki pants. He was still sitting there in his outfit from the night before, all wrinkled and dirty, while the two before him looked freshly cleaned and handsome. "I, uh-"

"If you want to tag along, you can use my shower. I don't really have any clothes for you to wear, but I can fluff those up in the dryer or you can search through some of my bigger clothes for something." Landon yanked his hand out of Blaine's for a second to disappear down the hall and then he came back with a sweater, his eyes wide as he held it out to Kurt. "Or," Blaine said softly, looking down at the midnight colored material in his son's hands, "you can wear this cardigan of Coop's that I got him but he won't wear. It should fit; he's a little more broad shouldered than you, but it'll probably look better on you than him."

Kurt took the shirt from Landon's hands with a quiet thank you, glancing up at Blaine to find the younger man watching him closely. Before he could say anything, Blaine walked out of the room, beckoning Kurt to follow before he led him down to a bathroom right off of his bedroom.

"My stuff's probably not as good as the fancy stuff you're used to, but you're welcome to use it. Or you can use Landon's stuff if you want, whatever floats your boat." He pointed at a small cabinet off to the side, "There's towels in there; deodorant and stuff's under the sink and if you need me to run any of your stuff through the dryer, you can take it off and leave it in front of the bathroom door. I'll get it after I find something for Landon to get into so he won't pester me about leaving soon."

Kurt nodded, looking at the sheer amount of stuff sitting on the edge of the shower. There were toys galore scattered around the rim of the tub, rubber ducks and action figures alike, as well as some squishy looking animals that acted as play things and sponges at the same time. Along the wall were a couple different types of body washes and shampoos as well; the brightly colored ones were Landon's obviously and Blaine's were more muted in color, the larger bottles sitting higher up on stacked shelving near the back of the shower. It was obvious that this bathroom was one that belonged to a family and not two childless men like Kurt's bathroom was back in New York.

He was pretty sure he preferred this bathroom better.

"I-" He started, feeling the blush start to creep up his cheeks. "Do you think I could... umm, wash my-"

"Underwear? Umm... I think I have a pack of new briefs that I bought and haven't opened yet if you want one of those." This time it was Blaine's turn to blush a little red and the sight made Kurt's stomach flip. _Oh_.

"That'd be great. Thanks."

"No problem."

As soon as Blaine was gone, Kurt took a longer look around the decent sized bathroom, his eyes scanning over every little bit of the bathroom as he studied it. The sink was high but there was a small red step stool on it's side in the corner that was obviously for Landon to use whenever he brushed his teeth. His toothbrush had Spiderman on it and it was sitting in a cup on the counter next to Blaine's blue and white brush and two different kinds of toothpaste - a Spiderman berry flavored one for Lan and a whitening mint flavored one for Blaine. There were also two kinds of mouthwash and the more Kurt looked, the more he realized that there were two kinds of almost everything in that tiny bathroom. One for Blaine and one for Landon.

The sights created yet another pang that dented in his heart, another crack in the foundation because he could've _had_ all this. _You still can_, his mind tried to reassure, whispering to him that perhaps he could win Blaine back, but he knew it was fruitless. Blaine had hardened so much when it came to him that even trying to be his friend seemed to be a losing battle. But then again, he _was_ standing in his ex's bathroom, holding Cooper's old sweater, and getting ready to get a brand new pack of undies from said ex.

Maybe things weren't going to be that difficult after all?

::::::::::

Once Kurt was showered and squeaky clean, he stepped out of the bathroom and padded down the hall to where he could hear Landon singing yet again, his cute voice carrying well down the hall as he belted along with whatever television show he was watching. When he finally made it to the living room, he was met with the sight of Landon dancing in front of the tv, his little arms waving in the air as he matched the moves of whoever was onscreen. Blaine was stretched out on the sofa, his eyes lovingly focused on his son as the little boy bebopped and bounced to the beat of the song. It took him a second to notice Kurt standing in the doorway, but when he did, Landon immediately stopped everything and stood still, mouth dropping open into a small _O _shape.

"You match me!" He grinned, pointing at Kurt's blue sweater. Kurt smiled at him and nodded, glancing over at Blaine for a second only to notice his ex giving him the once (and then _twice_) over before he finally stood and went to shut off the television.

"Well now that Kurt's done, are you ready to go to the store, Lan?"

"Yes!"

With one last look at Kurt, Blaine made sure everything was off in the living room and then he went to grab his things, waiting by the front door while Kurt grabbed his phone and wallet off the table. Landon fidgeted from foot to foot, his little shuffle dance making Kurt chuckle at him as he made the silliest faces at the other man, finally stopping when Blaine coughed to get them to notice that he was already out in the hall and waiting for them. Smiling, Kurt stepped out after Landon, watching while Blaine locked up before the three of them headed down the hall towards the elevator. He was content in walking beside of the two of them, a smile on his face as he thought about spending the day with them, but when he felt a familiar set of fingers curl around two of his own and he looked down to see Landon doing the _exact_ same thing to Blaine, he realized that he wanted this and even _more_ with them. _Both_ of them.

::::::::::

"What kind of yogurt are you getting, sweetie?" Kurt asked, watching as Landon paced back and forth in front of the frozen yogurt machines with a wide-eyed look on his face. They were on their own in the shop since Blaine's phone rang as they were walking in and the other man was busy outside talking to whoever decided to bother him during their shopping trip. It was their last stop of the day, Kurt having spent the whole afternoon with them as they wandered around the outlet mall and got a few things for the apartment and for Landon. Now they were winding down, getting some yogurt after a quick lunch of hot dogs and french fries at the food court.

"I want cheesecake, but I can't read the sign." Landon pouted, lower lip sticking out dramatically as he looked up at Kurt with Blaine's signature puppy dog eyes.

Kurt couldn't help but stifle back a laugh at the look. Landon was _too _cute. "You want cheesecake? What a coincidence. I was gonna get cheesecake too! _And_ I can read!" Grinning, Kurt took Landon's cup and walked over to the cheesecake flavored fro-yo dispenser, stopping to point at the sign above it. "See this? C-H-E-E-S-E spells _cheese_ and C-A-K-E spells _cake!_ Put them together and you get?"

"Cheesecake!" The toddler cheered, his smile growing wider when he noticed something beneath the word that he recognized. "There's a picture of cheescake too!"

"Yep. So we definitely know this is cheesecake! Is this all you want?"

"I want toppin's too," Landon said, pointing towards the toppings bar.

"Okay. We can get you _toppin_'_s_ too." With another happy sigh, Kurt filled up his and Landon's cups with the cheesecake fro-yo, handing the little boy his before they went to the toppings bar. Once he successfully topped both of their yogurts with graham cracker crumbs, strawberry sauce, and fresh cut strawberry halves (which made his heart flutter in his chest when Landon told him he wanted the same _toppin's _Kurt got), they went to the register, Kurt glancing outside to see Blaine still on the phone. "Do you know what your daddy likes?"

"Umm," Landon stood there in thought, his index finger pressed against his lips as he looked at the row of machines. For a moment, he was frozen in thought but then he brightened up, bouncing on his feet as he ran over and pointed at the _frozen hot chocolate_ flavor. "He gets _this_ one! And... and he puts chocolate sauce on it with marshmallows! I remember! I remember the chocolate!"

Kurt nodded, pretty sure that Landon was correct in what Blaine wanted, so he went ahead and made Blaine's cup up, topping the hot cocoa flavored fro-yo with fudge sauce and marshmallows like the fidgety little one next to him directed. Once Blaine's cup was done, they weighed their purchases and Kurt quietly paid for it all, carefully balancing his and Blaine's yogurts in one hand while he held onto Landon's with the other and took them to a empty table, helping Landon into his chair before he plopped down into the one beside him.

A few minutes passed before Blaine finally stormed into the yogurt shop, his brows furrowed in anger as his glimmering golden eyes swept the store before he finally spotted Kurt and his son sitting at a table with three bowls of fro-yo in front of them.

"We got you the frozen hot chocolate flavor. If that's not what you wanted, I can get you something else-" Kurt started to say, trailing off when he noticed a strange look in Blaine's eyes. "What?"

"That was Vinny. They're having a party tonight and I'm the most requested performer." Blaine downcast his eyes, slumping a little lower in his seat after he sat down. His voice was barely over a whisper but Kurt could hear the sadness in it, like there were a million other things Blaine would rather be doing than _that_. "It's good money. Parties always bring in the best tips and I'll make almost three times what I usually do in a night if I go in. It's just... Avery is on-call tonight and Coop's out of town and I-"

"If you need someone to watch Landon, I can."

"Kurt. You don't-"

"I know... I know you're still freaked out by me. I understand that. I really do, but I swear to you that I'll keep him safe." He glanced at Landon for a second, smiling to himself when the little boy darted his spoon out and stole a bite of Blaine's dessert. "If you don't trust me, you can take my wallet and my phone with you. Can't really leave the state without my ID right?" He joked, wilting a bit when Blaine shot him a glare that he swore could've killed him if it tried. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

"This has got to be some kind of cosmic joke. Last week I went to work thinking everything was going to be like it's always been and then _you_ show up. Next thing I know, you're _everywhere_ and now I've gotta work and my regular babysitters can't and the only person who can watch my child is _you_." Exasperated, Blaine looked down at his hands, of which Kurt was just noticing were shaking terribly in his lap. "Do you even understand how scary this is for me? Leaving him with _you_?"

"I could tell you I do, but I know I don't. I know I will never understand it, but I don't want you to worry. I can take care of him. We'll be fine. _He'll_ be fine."

Blaine stayed silent, his eyes watering for a quick second before he looked away. Landon was too busy eating to notice that his father and his father's friend were deathly silent beside him and Kurt was watching Blaine with a knot in his throat, his own stomach aching as he thought about how upset all of this was making Blaine. He knew it had to be hard for him, to be stuck sitting there with his ex (the father of his child) and knowing that he had to work that night and leave his son with said ex... the very same ex he was scared to death would up and leave with his son one day. Taking a chance, Kurt reached out and placed his hand on Blaine's own quivering ones, frowning when he saw Blaine swallow heavily at the feeling (though he was also gulping at the sight of Kurt's engagement ring touching his hand; the finger that once held a beautiful ring Blaine had given him now wearing someone else's.) "Blaine-"

"Please promise me you won't leave. _Please_."

"I won't leave. We'll be waiting for you when you come back. I promise."

"Kurt-"

"I _promise_." He knew his promises didn't mean shit to Blaine anymore, but he tossed all he could behind this one, hoping and praying that Blaine would take it, that he would believe Kurt this time. "Just let me watch him tonight for you. I promise everything will be okay."

Blaine looked down at his melting fro-yo, heart in his throat as he ignored the searing pain in it that suddenly seemed to overcome him when he felt that cool metal of Kurt's ring touching his hand. He glanced at his son, watching as the little boy smiled up at Kurt before he swiped a strawberry from Kurt's yogurt and when Kurt beamed back, the fears that seemed to melt over him subsided just a little. No matter what, he was always going to be terrified at the thought of _Kurt_. Everything about his ex scared him and to know that the other man was back in his life (no matter how short the time would be), there were still parts of Blaine that screamed _stay away, run!_ However, seeing the way Landon lit up around his other father made a little bit of that initial fear dim; Landon would be safe with Kurt, Kurt wouldn't hurt him. Hurt Blaine, on the other hand? _Maybe._ But Landon? Probably not.

Sighing, he pulled his dessert close to him and took a small bite, continuing his observation of Kurt and Landon's interactions as he wrestled with himself over what to do. He only had a few hours to determine whether or not he was going to take the gig, but it all came down to whether or not he really trusted _Kurt. _Because losing a decent night's pay was _nothing_ compared to possibly losing his child to someone he wasn't sure he trusted yet, no matter what his stupid beating heart was feeling.

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**A/N: Sorry for the delay in this update. Busy last two days (birthdays and the like!) I'm not sure when the next update will be either. It might be tomorrow or it might not be until Monday. I'm going out of town for the weekend to visit a friend who just had major surgery and my internet access will be limited. I will try to get an update out before I leave tomorrow. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. Please lemme know what you thought!**


	10. Chapter 10

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Songs mentioned in this chapter include: _Dip It Low_ by Christina Milian, _Closer_ by NIN, and _Birthday_ by Katy Perry. I'm not associated with any of them, nor do I own that music. Anyway, I own nothing!**

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"This is my emergency phone number. The number for the club is also on here, but if you really need me, call this one first. If no one answers, then call the club. If you can't get ahold of anyone that way, then you should-"

"Blaine, it'll be alright. I doubt anything will happen. You've given me eight different phone numbers in the last ten minutes and I know _exactly_ who I'll call if something goes wrong... which it won't because I will do everything in my power to make sure Landon is safe and sound in my hands. I promise."

Blaine looked at him, brows furrowing for just a second before he glanced away, eyes falling onto the clock on the wall across from him. He had ten minutes to be out of the apartment if he wanted to get started on the long drive to work, but it felt like ten minutes wouldn't be enough time for him to debrief his ex on the complicated world that was babysitting a toddler. Sighing, he walked back down the hall towards Landon's room, heartbeat slowing as he took in one final look at his sleeping child, his gaze memorizing every little freckle on his son's nose before he crept in, knelt down, and kissed Landon goodnight. "I'll be back as soon as the party's over, which will probably be around three-ish. There's food in the fridge and a bunch of different places deliver if you aren't feeling what's in the pantry. However, I wouldn't order out because Landon might get up because of the noise. In fact, if you want a pizza, I can just go get you one before I leave and-"

"_Blaine_," Kurt chuckled, wandering over to the nervous man before him. He'd seen Blaine flustered thousands of times, but _never_ like this. It made his heart flutter to know that his ex was so bumbling and flustered because of his love for his child. Yeah, there was a part of him that was sad because Blaine was scared to leave Landon under _his_ watch, but the sadness lost to the awe he felt over the amount of _love_ that radiated off of Blaine when it came to his son. Blaine would do _anything_ for Landon, as evident in his line of work, and Kurt knew that if he even looked at Landon the wrong way, Blaine would _kill_ him.

He wouldn't blame him for doing it either.

"Everything will be _okay_. I've got your emergency phone number list, the list of foods Landon likes just in case he wakes up, the movies he likes to watch when he's scared... I've got it all. I've babysat before; I can do this. Just _trust _me-"

"That's easier said than done," Blaine muttered, sliding past Kurt to exit the bedroom and head down the hall. He paused in front of his door, staring down at the duffel bag by his feet like it would bite him if he even made a move to pick it up. Another long, tired sigh blew from his mouth before he took another quick glance back at Kurt, golden eyes flicking up and down as he silently took in Kurt's whole look for the evening, as if he was making sure that _this_ was the right decision. "Please be here when I come back-"

"I'm not going anywhere. _We're_ not going anywhere. I promise."

With one last parting glance as he picked up his bag, Blaine left the apartment, leaving Kurt standing in the foreign building all by himself as he listened to the sound of his ex's footfalls trail down the hallway until they disappeared into the stairwell. Once he was sure Blaine was gone, Kurt double-checked all of the locks and then went to grab himself a drink, settling with a glass of milk and a few animal crackers from the giant container of them that was sitting on the kitchen counter. When he first saw the barrel earlier, Blaine explained to him that Landon _loved_ them and they were always in stock for that very reason. Kurt completely understood; they'd been a favorite of his as well when he was that age and eating them now (not before dunking them in milk, of course) took him right back to being a little boy again.

God, when he was Landon's age, he _loved_ spending time with his parents, eating cookies and watching movies together. There were nights when his dad would come home from the shop and he'd slip his work boots off, ignoring the fact that he smelled of motor oil, and would go lie on the couch beside his wife and son, wrapping them up in his arms while they watched whatever movie Kurt deemed was his favorite that week. There were days when his mom would allow him to play with her make-up, the two of them all dolled up in her dresses and some of his dad's church clothes while they sipped tea out of his mother's blue china tea set. His dad would come home then and join in on the fun, his big body smushed into one of the tiny playset chairs while he loudly sipped at his cup, pinky always out. Kurt would giggle himself red in the face during the tea party and afterward, he'd hug his parents, kissing them each on the cheek as he told them how much he loved them. Those memories, the ones where his family was all together (_complete_), were his favorites. Sometimes when he felt lonely, he'd think about how life was before his mom passed away and he'd remember how _happy_ he was. Then he'd think about how much he missed her.

Because living with a single parent is a hard thing to do.

When his mom died, he was young, _very_ young. There were a few weeks after her death that all Kurt could do was wander around on his own, tears in his eyes as he wondered where his mommy was. His dad was heartbroken, _lonely_, and it took him quite some time to snap out of it and realize that he had a son to raise, a son to _love_, a son to now be both parents of. Burt's role increased two fold and while he did his best, things weren't ever the same. The nights that Kurt spent with a babysitter weren't the worst, but there were nights that he longed for his father to watch a movie with him instead of chatty Amy Myers who spent more time on the phone with her boyfriend than she _ever_ did watching him. Hell, there were days that Kurt would stand outside of his dad's room and listen to the man catch up on sleep after he spent another late night working on some unappreciative asshole's car, his little hands itching to knock on the door and wake Burt up but knowing he couldn't because if his dad didn't sleep, he didn't work well and if he didn't work well, they'd have a hard time paying the bills. So, Kurt lived with it, loving his dad and missing his mom all the same while he wished that his family could be _whole_ again.

Even _now _he wished his family was whole... but not the family he used to think of, the family that should've been.

Still lost in his thoughts, Kurt spent quite some time staring at the wall while the animal crackers he left soaking in his glass of milk grew too soggy and sunk to the bottom of the cup. His eyes gradually lifted from the wall to the entertainment center where a handful of framed photographs of Landon and Blaine sat on the top, their faces smiling down at him as he sadly gazed up at them. There were photos depicting Landon at all ages: from birth to now and in each one, Blaine looked genuinely _happy_ as he held his son close to his heart. The very last photo - the most recent of the bunch - showed the two of them on what looked like Landon's third birthday, the boy in question wearing a pointy party hat while his father kissed him on his cheek. Avery was also in the photo, which made Kurt wonder who took it, but as he stared at the tiny family in the portrait, he wished that he had been there. That he had _known_.

"Kurt?" The sound of his name brought him back and he glanced over at the doorway, his stomach flipping when he spotted Landon hovering a few feet away, his little socked feet doing their usual shuffle as he hugged Margaret Thatcher dog tightly in his sleeve covered arms. "Mister Kurt?"

"Yeah, sweetie? What's wrong?"

"Can I sleep in here? My belly hurts."

Kurt frowned, rising from the couch to walk over to where the toddler was peering up at him. He knelt down so that he was near eye-level with the child and he placed a gentle hand on Landon's forehead, thankful that the boy wasn't too warm to his touch. "Do you need to use the bathroom? Or do you feel sick?"

"No... I'm hungry," Landon said sheepishly, looking up at Kurt through his long, dark eyelashes. He stared over to where a few extra cookies lay all by their lonesome on the coffee table and when Kurt caught his line of sight, he chuckled softly, placing a hand on the small of Landon's back to guide him to the couch.

"Will your daddy mind if you have a cookie?"

"Auntie Avery lets me have them sometimes." Landon took one into his hand and studied it, smiling before he dipped it into Kurt's milk. "At night I wanna sleep in bed with daddy, but he's not here so I can't sleep."

_Oh._ "Oh honey," was all Kurt could say before he fell completely silent, eyes sadly watching as Landon noshed on his cookie and pet his fingers along Margaret Thatcher dog's tiny head. As the little boy ate, Kurt found himself aching on the inside for the child who was left wishing his daddy was home while his dad was out there busting his ass; he'd _been_ that kid a long, long time ago. The circumstances weren't _that_ different (_except they are,_ his mind screamed) but he felt for Landon all the same. Blaine was like Burt in that respect, always working to provide for his child. Kurt's mom died and Burt took over her role; Kurt left Blaine and Blaine had to act as both parents for their son... and poor Landon had to deal with some of the aftermath of it.

However, despite it all, Kurt knew damn well that Landon was well-taken care of and loved. He respected Blaine for doing what he had to do to make sure there was a roof over his son's head and food in his belly. _But, _nonetheless, seeing Landon sitting on the couch at that late hour, quietly whispering about how he wanted to cuddle and sleep next to his father broke Kurt's heart. "Do you miss your daddy a lot?"

"Yeah." Another cookie dipped into the milk and Landon watched as it softened up. "Daddy works a lot but I miss him. He protects me from monsters and the dark." The slight speech impediment he had with his _R_s made Kurt smile, but it flickered away as he watched the small boy hug his stuffed animal a little closer. "My room is scary when daddy's not here."

"Do you and Avery watch movies until your daddy gets home?"

"Yeah. We watch Nemo or Lil'foot until daddy gets back-"

"Littlefoot?"

"The dinosaur!" Neglecting his now drowning cookie, Landon rushed across the room and dug through the pile of DVDs on the shelf, turning around with a wide smile on his face as he waved _The Land Before Time_ dvd in front of him. "Lil'foot!"

"_Oh_, I get it. Do you want to watch that?"

"Yes!" Landon bounced on his feet, clapping happily as Kurt set up the DVD and went to get Lan a fresh (smaller) cup of milk and a spoon for him to eat the rest of his animal crackers with while the movie played. It didn't take long for him to start yawning again and before long, he was fast asleep with his body leaning against Kurt's side, Margaret Thatcher dog lazily laying on his lap as he slept with an arm around Kurt's waist and his head on Kurt's chest. Stopping the movie, Kurt flipped the tv over to something that wouldn't make him cry (he settled on a baking competition on the cooking channel) and then he rearranged his body to lay down on the sofa, cradling Landon against his chest as he quietly settled back against the cushions. The toddler was fast asleep, his nose tucked into the dip of Kurt's collarbone and as his chest rose and fell with each breath, Kurt rubbed his back, a knot welling in his throat as he realized that he wanted _this_ more than anything.

He wanted to be a dad. He wanted to have love and a family, but he couldn't see that with Alex, not with how busy his soon-to-be husband's schedule was. Alex would probably never want children; he'd probably say no and then send Kurt a fruit basket and just the thought of _that_ made Kurt want to gag.

Honestly, ever since he ran into Blaine at the strip club, he found his entire outlook on life changing and it scared him because he knew that no matter what, he had no chance in making things right no matter how much he tried. Being friends with Blaine would probably never happen again. Landon would never know that Kurt was his other father... and Kurt would probably end up being in a boring marriage that-

No, _wait_. Mind racing, he reached out and swiped up his phone, pressing Alex's number on the speed dial as he waited for his fiance to answer. It took him a few tries, but after the (what felt like) thousandth ring, Alex picked up, his voice breathless. "Babe? I knew you'd call eventually."

"Alex, there's something I need to ask you-"

"You know you don't have to ask for phone sex, Kurt. You could just-"

"That's not what I was calling about," Kurt grumbled, rolling his eyes as he sunk down a little lower into the couch. Landon snuffled, rubbing his tiny nose against Kurt's neck before he settled again, and Kurt went back to rubbing his hand up and down his son's back. "Do you ever... do you ever think about having kids?"

Alexander's sharp laughter met his ears and Kurt's heart sunk. "Kids? This is what you're calling me about? We_ just_ had a fight. _You _hung up on me and then you want to call me and ask about having children? Honestly-"

"I just want to know. We've never talked about it. We're _engaged_ and yet we've never talked about the future."

"Baby, it's _late_ over there. You've probably been drinking and you're lonely and I understand that. So how about we ignore this topic and have a little fun? I know you're missing me and-"

"I don't want to have phone sex with you! Fuck, Alex- I want... I want to _talk_ to you! I could care less about being naughty on the phone! I want to discuss things with you and you're never around and you don't spend enough time with me and I _hate_ it!" Landon stirred in his arms and Kurt quieted, shaking his head as angry tears brimmed behind his closed eyes.

"Oh my god, are we going to fight again? Will it make you happy if I say that I _don't_ want kids? Honestly, babe, I can't stand them. They're clingy and awful and who in their right mind would want-" Before the rest of his sentence could come out, Kurt hung up the phone, throwing it across the room where it landed in a pile of folded laundry, toppling over a fresh set of Landon's clothes that had yet to be put away. Once the phone was out of his hands, Kurt wrapped his arms around Landon's small frame and hugged him close, the tears he fought not to shed finally leaking from the corners of his eyes as he bitterly thought about how much he was _hating_ his own fiance right now.

And how the only perfect thing he'd ever had was out probably being felt up by disgusting asshole idiots while he was just trying to make a well-needed buck.

::::::::::

_Dip it low, pick it up slow  
Roll it all around, poke it out like your back broke  
Pop, pop, pop that thang  
I'mma show you how to make your man say 'Oh'_

Spinning, Blaine let his thighs catch around the pole and he paused, his back arching as he let his upper half bend backward to face the crowd. Christina Milian's voice flowed like silk through the speakers and the rambunctious crowd was eating it up, cheering and yelling their usual obscenity laced pleas at Blaine while he danced. On the other side of the stage was Kong, the burly dancer doing a chair dance while Blaine showed off his acrobatic skills. Most of the crowd was drawn to Shadow, ignoring Kong in favor of the _smaller_ of the two and as their drunken expletives grew louder, Blaine pushed his anger with their rudeness to the back of his mind and kept on going.

The birthday boy (the fella sitting upfront and center of Blaine's part of the stage) was staring up at Blaine in admiration, his eyes already hazy with alcohol as he grinned and watched Blaine slide down the pole into a perfect split.

_It's late at night, he's comin' home  
Meet him at the door with nothin' on  
Take him by the hand, let him know its on  
If you understand me, y'all come on_

Once he was back on the ground, Blaine stood, bedroom eyes on as he sauntered across the stage and lazily climbed into the birthday boy's lap, a fake smile painting his face as he slowly let his body grind along his customer's lap. "Happy birthday, cutie," he purred, blinking his mascara lengthened lashes at the man before he kissed his cheek and continued dancing. The crowd around him cheered, laughing at how red their friend's face grew when Blaine began grinding on him again, and after a second or two of showing his client what he could do, Blaine rose again, dipping his fingers into the waistband of his shorts. "Present for Caleb! Special delivery!"

His shorts fell to the ground, revealing a glittery purple thong that made Caleb's eyes widen even more. Smirking, Blaine spun around and went back to work, ass grinding on the stranger's lap while random men threw dollars at his mostly naked form. He continued this act until the song ended, sliding off of Caleb like liquid as he knelt down to pick up his money and stuff it into a locked box that was hidden behind the stage. Kong was also back there, throwing the small amount of money he had into the same box.

"Kong, your box is on the other-"

"Nah. I'm not working for me tonight, Shad. The boyfriend's taking me to Honolulu next week and I've got enough money to last me the whole trip and then some. You've had a shitty few days. You've earned it."

"I don't need your charity-"

"Never said it was charity. Think of it as a present. Buy your kid something nice or take him out to dinner with it. My treat."

"Kong, honestly-"

"Not all of us dance to _live_, Shadow. Some of us do it for fun. Right now, I'm having fun and you look like someone's holding a gun to your head. Let loose, don't worry about the money. Just get through this night and go home to your little boy."

Tears welled in Blaine's eyes, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked over at his co-worker. "I don't know what to say."

"Don't get all sentimental. I ain't makin' shit with you out there shaking that bubble butt anyway. The crowd's eatin' you up and I'm just the flimsy side dish!" He barked out a laugh and clapped Blaine on the shoulder, turning to head back out into the fray. "You'd better get back there and change before Vinny comes looking for you. You've got another performance in a few minutes. I'll do crowd control until then."

"Thanks K," Blaine offered, smiling shyly as his friend disappeared on the other side of the curtain to more ruckus. Once he was sure all the money was safely secured in his box, he swept backstage, running to his room to tear off his thong and slip into something more sinister looking. Gone went the feather boa and purple clothes; this time he was wearing leather, black as night _leather_. His shorts were as tiny as ever, covering an almost see-through black silk thong, and he added a dark mesh tank top over that, finishing it all with heeled (black) chain-laden boots. He didn't put on stockings this time, deciding that the mesh top was enough, but he did ruffle his hair and add _more_ thick liner and eyeshadow around his eyes, almost painting a black mask across his face before he stepped back and admired his work. Outside, he could hear everyone getting more and more worked up, so he did a once over in the mirror and then ran down the hall to the stage, almost running over a red-faced Vinny in his haste.

"Get to the stage, Shadow!"

"I'm going!"

Taking in a steadying breath, he threw open the curtains, schooling his face into what he knew his clients would like to see before he stepped out onto the stage, hands trailing up and down the length of his torso as he strutted his way towards the birthday boy and his friends again. The group of men went wild, screaming just as loud as the music booming around them and Blaine pushed on, show-face on as he danced his ass off and endured strange men's hands all over his body.

::::::::::

**May 2016**

_The few weeks of pole dancing classes seemed to have worked, the applause and screams for more deafening as Blaine stepped forward and picked up the dollars that littered the stage at his feet. A few dozen men were smiling up at him, congratulating him on a job well done, and Blaine ducked his head shyly, scooping up his money with two hands before he left the stage. Kong was already sitting at his station, smirking when he spotted his new co-worker coming into the room._

_"Big night, kiddo! How'd you do?"_

_"I don't know," Blaine said truthfully, dumping his share of cash onto his designated make-up table. There were different amounts of bills crumpled up in the stack and as he fished through them to separate them based on value, he found himself breathless at the amount of money before him. "Oh my god-"_

_"Quite the popular one. You're gonna be a good match here, kid." Kong laughed and took a swig of his drink, leaning back a bit in his chair. "You should probably pick a stage name soon. You've done _one _dance and made _that_ much money - you're gonna be a hit here."_

_"I don't think I can come up with anything." Frowning, Blaine glanced around the room to see if he could spot something nearby that could give him a bit of a hint to what his dancer name should be. God, back when he was still in Ohio (and dating Kurt), he'd taken tons of silly online quizzes like: _what's your stripper name _or_ what would your porn star name be? _Yet he remembered not a single answer; not one single name popped into his mind and, nervously, he found himself wondering he was going to be able to make it in a world where he needed to separate himself from the boy onstage._

_Unnerved by the silence, Kong stood up and went to fix his outfit, giving Blaine a once-over before he started out the door. "I'm sure something will come to you," he called over his shoulder and once he was gone, Blaine found himself all alone in the back of the club._

_It reeked of smoke throughout the whole building and it was rather dark for a place that focused on naked bodies. Blaine imagined it to be brighter, but when he got to the bar that evening, he was surprised at how dingy the place was. That night, for his first performance, he went a little darker, digging deep into his soul in order to get up the nerve to go onstage. To be truthful, he was scared to death to be doing this, to be stripping. However, he was struggling to stay afloat; his life as a single parent was difficult and the girls at his pole dancing class told him the money was good here (and if the sheer amount of cash he made during a six minute song meant anything, it was.) Nonetheless, he felt ridiculous doing what he did. Taking off his clothes for men he didn't know still scared the shit out of him; he was very self-conscious about the lengthy scar on his lower belly, as well as the tiny scars all over his torso from the beating he received in high school. That night - to distract the audience - everything he wore was dark: his clothing, his make-up, everything. Even the song he chose was dark, the lyrics still playing in his head as he remembered the moves he did on the pole and then on random patrons' laps._

Help me, I broke apart my insides_  
_Help me, I've got no soul to sell_  
_Help me, the only thing that works for me_  
_Help me get away from myself

_The very first song he danced to wasn't something he ever saw himself choosing for a strip tease. Long ago, he thought about jokingly dancing for Kurt, maybe taking a _fitness with a twist_ class to strengthen his body while also learning something that would be fun to enjoy in the bedroom. Of course, he never imagined losing the love of his life the way he did or that he'd be a single father living thousands of miles away from everyone he ever really loved. So, dancing to the song he picked seemed to be rather fitting, especially when he listened to some of the lyrics. They were dark, they were sexy, and that's what he felt like he needed to be in order to get through it all._

You can have my isolation_  
_You can have the hate that it brings_  
_You can have my absence of faith_  
_You can have my everything_  
_

_Dancing on those men, on those anonymous faces and having their hands on him was like an out-of-body experience. He didn't feel like _Blaine_ up there on that stage. He didn't feel like _Blaine_ as large calloused hands groped his hips as he swiveled them over an obvious erection. The person out there dancing wasn't really _Blaine Anderson_ at all._

Help me, tear down my reason_  
_Help me, it's your sex I can smell_  
_Help me, you make me perfect_  
_Help me think I'm somebody else_  
_

_That's what he felt like: someone else. The person he knew he was couldn't do this, but someone else could. The man out there on that stage tonight was somebody who was stronger than he was, someone who could take the unwanted touches and creepy stares. Sighing, he stared up into the mirror, shaking his head at his reflection as he took in the dark eyeliner, smudged eyeshadow, and glitter that decorated his slightly sunken in cheekbones. His hair was a mess, his face looked _different_, and the more he looked at himself, the more he noticed how different he was compared to the boy he used to be, the one who loved showtunes and wanted to be a star, the one who loved Kurt and New York. Now he was just a shadow of that boy, a shadow of who that boy used to be._

Oh... _and there it was._

_"Shadow."_

::::::::::

Kong rolled his eyes, sucking down a double of tequila while he hovered by the bar, his eyes on the lone performer bouncing around the stage. Shadow was tearing it up, now out of his dark ensemble and wearing something that looked like it came straight out of the Easter Bunny's ass. He was doused in pastel and bright colors, matching confetti glitter all over his body as he hopped around the stage in his ridiculous looking outfit, pink/white/blue polka dotted shorts hugging his ass like they were painted on.

"I know Shadow's been here for a while, but he doesn't belong here," the bartender said, leaning up beside Kong. The other man nodded and waved his glass for a refill, frowning as his friend danced over to the birthday boy and began to toy with his feather boa.

"The kid should be on Broadway or something. He's too good for this shit."

_But when you're with me  
I'll give you a taste  
Make it like your birthday everyday  
I know you like it sweet  
So you can have your cake  
Give you something good to celebrate_

_So make a wish  
I'll make it like your birthday everyday  
I'll be your gift  
Give you something good to celebrate_

Shadow sang along with Katy, his voice blending along well with the song as he performed his little ass off for the crowd of rowdy boys around him. The party was winding down, closing time was approaching, and _everyone_ had their eyes on Shadow and Shadow alone as he did the last song for the evening. All night he'd been putting his all into it, like he didn't want to be there but was putting on his best show face in order to make money. Kong could see right through it all - he knew the kid well enough and he wondered what all happened before Shad showed up at work. He knew that the guy had a few rough nights, but there was something else brimming beneath the surface that he (even in his muscular, burly ass glory) was scared to see erupt.

As the song finished, Shadow finished off the set with a sweet smile, whispering _Happy Birthday _into his client's ear before he climbed off his lap and grabbed up his money for the night, winking at the group of men before he disappeared behind the curtain. Vinny was quick to begin ushering everyone out, so Kong took that as his signal to head backstage, pushing his way through the crowd until he was walking down the familiar dark hallway. It took him a second to head into the room, but when he stepped in, he found himself frowning yet again for what felt like the millionth time that evening. "Shadow? You here?"

"In the shower!" His fellow dancer called back and Kong shook his head, stomach turning as he wondered what made his friend rush to the showers _that fast_.

"You okay?"

"I think one of those guys came in his pants or something. I dunno, but whatever it was, it got on my arm."

"Oh, gross. Was it the birthday boy?"

"No. That guy was actually pretty tame. It was one of his friends. I swear to god he came and wiped it on me. Fuck." A plethora of curses filtered out of the shower and Kong wandered over to his locker, pulling a bottle of antibacterial hand soap from it. He went back into the bathroom and coughed when the thick steam of too hot water filled his lungs. Covering his face, he handed over the bottle and nodded when Shadow accepted it with a quiet thanks, the distinct smell of the soap filling the heavy, humid air as he began to scrub at his arms.

"You know, you should've hit that dick. He didn't pay to come on you."

"Probably thought he could get a wipe in before he left. So freaking disgusting. You'd think that I'd be used to this by now with all those damn handjobs Vinny's got me giving, but this was unexpected. At least I can prepare myself for this crap when I'm the one in charge." He wiped harder at his arm so that his skin was red from overstimulation. After a minute more of washing, he shut the water off and stepped out, handing Kong back his soap. "Thanks again. I really need to restock on that stuff. I have a feeling Vin's gonna have me working overtime on Richard once he decides to come back."

"Fuck Richard. He's just pissy that he came out late in life and missed all the cute boys he could've had in his prime."

"He talked about that with me one night. I would've felt sorry for him too if he wasn't such a creep all the time. I hate it that he likes me so damn much. Every time he shows up, it's me he wants-"

"You should give him a blowjob one day and then bite his dick off!"

Shadow chuckled a bit, toweling off his nude body without a care as Kong went back to putting his stuff away. Within seconds, he'd transformed from the mysterious (yet sometimes bubbly) dancer everyone knew as Shadow to Blaine, the quiet young parent that Kong met almost two years ago. When he was out of costume, he was like a different person and while Kong liked them both, he really felt for Blaine every time he had the chance to spend some quality time with him, especially when his friend kept looking over at his make-up case where a picture of his son was hidden.

"Everything okay, kid? You seem a little tense tonight."

Blaine sighed, slowly redressing himself to head home. He ran a hand through his wet hair and double-checked himself in the mirror to make sure he got most of the glitter from the night off of his skin and out of his curls. "Remember how those people kept showing up here looking for me?"

"You get into trouble?"

"No. _No_, nothing like that. It's just- they're from my past. That one guy... he's my son's other father. He... we broke up years ago. He broke up with me and then I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't be in the same city as him anymore so I left and he found me."

"You mean that guy that's engaged?"

"Yes."

"Oh, kiddo... tough break."

"It's just... hard, you know? He's back and now he knows about our son together and he all of a sudden wants to be a part of everything. But he's... he's engaged and I guess it's to some rich asshole who could give him a better life than I ever could and here I am stripping to take care of my son while his other father could probably give him _everything_ he's ever wanted and more-"

"Okay," Kong grumbled, turning around to face his still dressing friend. He glared hard at the man before him, shaking his head in disgust as he walked closer to Blaine. "Honestly you'd better not be judging your own damn parenting skills because you are the best fucking dad I've ever seen and if you're freaking out because some dickwad's back in your life for two fucking seconds, then you're an idiot."

"Kong-"

"You've been raising your son _alone_ for three years. You've been dancing your ass off for almost two years and you've done so well for yourself. Look at you! When you first came here, you were so fucking skinny and weak looking. Sorry, but you were. I'm not dumb. I watched you scarf down those meals you'd bring back from the restaurant after your shift. I knew that was your only meal of the day because you were saving up money for your kid. It was _always_ about your son, still is. You think Brandi's the only one who heard you crying in the shower after a rough night? Nah, I have too."

"I didn't-"

"You didn't know because I didn't want you to. It's not my place to judge, nor did I want you to think I was pitying you because I've _never_. You're one of the strongest damn people here. You deal with more shit than most of us do and honestly, kid, you don't belong here. I know you don't sing much unless someone requests it or Vinny's looking to charge more, but when you sing, I always find myself wondering why you aren't on Broadway or on some stage somewhere."

"I can't-"

"Your kid's three now. He'll be starting school soon enough and you'll have more time than you know. Just don't let yourself be stuck here when you could be making it big somewhere else... and when you do make it big - _when_ not _if_ - you'd better remember me and Brandi and the others, okay?"

"Oh my god, Kong-"

"Now you go home to your kid and cuddle the hell out of him and then you take him to a fun dinner at whatever the hell that mouse arcade place is called and you _enjoy_ it and think about what a good father you are." With those parting words, Kong ruffled Blaine's damp hair and walked out of the dressing room, leaving the speechless young father all by himself with some words to contemplate while he finished getting ready.

::::::::::

It was well after four in the morning when Blaine finally got home, quietly sneaking into the apartment with his duffel bag and keys in hand. There was a slight buzz of noise coming from the living room, so Blaine went in the direction of the sound, pausing in the doorway of his den to find himself frozen in shock.

Kurt was laying flat on his back, fast asleep, one arm laying limp at his side while the other was curled protectively over an equally fast asleep Landon. The toddler was curled up on Kurt's chest, head tucked into the side of his other dad's neck as he breathed little puffs of air against Kurt's adam's apple. He was still in the dinosaur pajamas Blaine dressed him in before he left, his curly hair ruffled and fluffed against Kurt's strong jawline. They were breathing in sync, Landon's small body lifting with the rise and fall of Kurt's chest as they both slept on to the tune of some random infomercial on the television.

He was still staring when Kurt's nose scrunched, his sleepy blue eyes blinking open for just a second to catch him in the doorway. He opened his mouth to speak, freezing when Blaine shook his head and whispered for him to go back to sleep. Still plagued with exhaustion, Kurt smiled sleepily and closed his eyes again, softly snoring within seconds. Just watching him fall back to sleep so easily, his hand still resting on Landon's back, made Blaine's heart ache with the worst pain possible.

This could've been their future. He could've been coming home from a late show or a late dinner party to find this on their couch in their flat in New York. Kurt could've been there from day one, enjoying the pregnancy from the start and being able to raise Landon from a wee newborn to the amazing little boy he was today. They could've had it all.

But this was just a glimpse of what could have been.

The reality of the whole situation settled heavily on Blaine's shoulders as he stared at the glimmer of Kurt's engagement ring as it shined from the tv's light beaming on it. That ring wasn't his, it was another man's, someone who Kurt obviously loved because why else would he be engaged? In due time, he'd be going back to New York to start his life there with some stranger that Blaine hoped to never know and Blaine and his son would be back here in LA, living their lonely little life with their tiny circle of family and friends.

God, he wasn't sure why he was feeling this way, why he hated that he was missing something that had never been. Kurt wasn't his, not anymore. For the longest, he'd hated Kurt for hurting him like he did. Hell, he thought he hated Kurt now, but as he stared at his ex and their son laying on the sofa, he found himself more jealous than anything. Because Kurt let him go and was in love with another... and he, Blaine Devon Anderson, was still madly (stupidly) in love with Kurt Elizabeth Hummel after all this time, even though he kept telling himself he wasn't. _He was._

Sighing sadly, he placed his bag on the floor, keys falling to the carpet beside it, and he tiptoed over to the couch, sitting down on the coffee table opposite it as he stared down at the two look-a-likes before him. Lips pursed, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of Landon's head, lifting his head just a bit to look up at Kurt's sleeping face as his ex mumbled a bit in his slumber, his fingers slowly scratching Landon's back before they settled flat again. Pushing the tears back that he'd been fighting since the second he came home, Blaine stood up from the table and went to climb into the recliner on the other side of the room, snuggling into the plush seat as he rested his head on the arm and watched his ex and son sleep peacefully across from him, their synchronized breathing both warming and breaking his heart as every second ticked by.

* * *

**A/N: YAY! We've hit 300 reviews on this (a lot faster than _Two Steps Back _which has yet to break 300 and has more chapters lol.) Thanks so much for being so faithful with your reviews; they make my day every single time you do it, so thank you! I hope this chapter was okay. I kinda lost my groove when I went out of town for the weekend (there was a minor setback involving a boy in my life... confused, see my tumblr for more about that.) But I'm back and I'm trying to get a few more chapters out (or this damn thing finished lol probably not) before I head off to Disney World this weekend. Fingers crossed!  
**


	11. Chapter 11

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Anyway, I own nothing!**

* * *

**December 2013**

_"Oh Kurt, look at them!"_

_At the sound of his fiance's voice, Kurt looked up, smiling to himself when he spotted what Blaine was staring at. The love of his life was going all goo-goo eyed over a set of twins along on the other side of the store, the babies all bundled up in a double stroller an aisle away. Their parents were busy scanning something on the shelves and Blaine was all hung up on their kids, smiling and waving at the two when the kids smiled back, their gummy grins delighting Blaine all the while. They couldn't have been older than several months, just old enough to be able to sit up and observe the world around them, and Kurt found himself watching them almost as much as his fiance was._

_Because as he looked at the babies (and then looked at Blaine), he could see their future staring back at them. Someday that was going to be the two of them; they'd have children of their own and he'd be able to see this every single day, be able to watch his best friend bond with their kids, making funny faces and singing to them._

_He couldn't wait._

::::::::::

A heavy weight on Kurt's chest moved, pressing down hard on his shoulders as it sat up and settled on his stomach. Cringing, he opened his eyes, blinking against the slight darkness to see a shadowy figure sitting on top of him, its blurry form getting closer until it was nose-to-nose with him. _Oh_. "Landon?"

"Your breath stinks."

Kurt frowned, sliding a hand behind his son's back as he sat up and fixed the toddler's position from his chest to his lap. "Yours isn't much better there, cutie." He said as he ruffled Landon's already fluffed up hair, his still sleepy eyes glancing around the room only to fall on a sleeping mess of limbs in the armchair a few feet away. Blaine was stretched out on the sizeable chair, his legs dangling over the side as he slept on his back, one arm tossed behind his head while the other rested across his stomach. Even from his position on the sofa, Kurt could see how _exhausted_ his ex was; his eyes were dark-ringed, his form looking boneless as he slept through the sounds of the tv blaring from where Landon had begun to find something to watch. Sighing, Kurt lifted the boy from his lap and put him on the sofa, standing up to check on Blaine. The other man was still fast asleep, curly hair falling over his forehead in slightly damp ringlets that signified that he hadn't been home that long. According to the clock on the wall, it was a little after six in the morning and Kurt remembered waking for a second to see Blaine hovering in the doorway just a few hours ago.

He must've had a longer night than he expected.

"Blaine?" His voice barely caused a stir in his ex; Blaine just tightened his arm over his waist and slept on, his mouth slightly parted as he breathed slowly. "Blaine, wouldn't you rather lay on the bed? You're gonna hurt like crazy if you stay out here."

His concerns were still met with nothing. Well, nothing except a slight snore.

Landon, who was still sitting crosslegged on the sofa, giggled at his daddy's snores and he waved the remote at Kurt, smiling when his babysitter's attention was finally on him. "Carry him to bed! Daddy carries me to bed sometimes!"

"Oh Landon, I don't think-"

"Daddy's too sleepy to walk. Carry him!" The little boy tossed the remote to the side, sliding off the soda with ease before he came over to where Kurt was still standing next to the recliner. Smiling up at the other man, he pointed at his dad and then towards the doorway, rushing across the living room as fast as his tiny legs would take him (which was pretty freaking fast, in Kurt's opinion.) "I'll show you the way!"

"Landon-"

"Please! Daddy's back'll hurt if he stays there! Please Mister Kurt?"

There went the puppy dog eyes again, Landon showing off how well he could be persuasive as he gave Kurt a look that felt like he'd been blasted into the past and being asked about something silly by Blaine himself. Shrugging his shoulders, Kurt turned back to his sleeping ex, trying to figure out the best way to lift and carry Blaine down the hall without waking him up. He leaned down, hands slightly shaking as he slid one arm beneath Blaine's legs while the other slipped under his back and curled around his slender waist. Even after all these years, Blaine was still _not_ as light as Kurt remembered him; he wasn't heavy in any sense of the word, but his body was still hard to lift up and drag into his bedroom, much like he had been years ago when they were together and he had to deal with the same instance. Huffing, he hefted his ex's body up, shuffling Blaine back against his chest before he turned to where Landon was standing in the hall, his little face all lit up as he watched his new friend carry his daddy across the room.

"This way!"

As Kurt walked, Blaine snuggled against him, fingers lazily going to rest against Kurt's chest, right above his heart where they always used to go whenever they slept next to each other in bed. It was Blaine's go-to spot when they were together, his hand always falling over Kurt's heart because, as he said in his own words a long, long time ago, "_Feeling your heartbeat reminds me of home._" At that time, Kurt laughed off his lover's cheesy romantic words, but now, remembering them as he carried Blaine to his bedroom, it hurt like a mother. Tightening his grip, Kurt rounded the corner and followed Landon down the hallway, careful not to bump Blaine's feet against the narrow walls as they walked.

"Daddy's room's right here!" Landon whispered, spinning on his heel to point at the partially closed door. Kurt knew where the room was, he passed it just the day before on his way out of the bathroom, but as he stepped into the threshold, he couldn't believe how nice the room was. Out of the two of them, Kurt had always been the interior decorator, making the design choices and putting stuff together the way he saw fit. Blaine never really said much, just let Kurt do all the choosing, but obviously (_obviously,_ his mind chided) Blaine knew how to decorate just as well as Kurt did.

His mind also added, _As he did when he lived with you that one time and wanted a study area!_ But he pushed that thought out of the way because it hurt too much.

"Can you pull down his blankets for me, sweetheart?"

Landon nodded, climbing onto the bed like a little monkey, his hands yanking and tugging at the bedding to pull apart Blaine's made-up perfection. Once the blankets were pulled down, Kurt crept closer, slowly depositing Blaine onto the mattress with a practiced ease, fighting back the urge to push some of those unruly curls away from his ex's forehead as he stared down at the sleeping man. Landon, who couldn't care less about the strange moment occurring between his babysitter and dad, pulled himself across the bed, kissing his daddy's nose before he crocodile rolled off the mattress and onto the floor.

"Can we make breakfast now?" He asked, tugging on Kurt's pant leg, and Kurt nodded, looking away from Blaine's sleeping face as he glanced down at their child. With one last look at Blaine, Kurt pulled the blankets over his resting ex and then took Landon's hand, walking with him to the kitchen to find something to prepare for their breakfast.

::::::::::

"Mister Kurt?"

"Yeah sweetie?"

"I was playin' with your phone a-and I hit a button and there's a man on here. He says he's your daddy!" Landon stood on his tiptoes, waving Kurt's phone at him with a grin on his face that looked incredibly ornery. When Kurt thanked him and took the phone, the toddler was quick to rush off towards the living room to play in front of the tv, where he _should have been_ while Kurt was busy making their breakfast. However, he obviously got into things he shouldn't have been, which included Kurt's phone that he left charging on the coffee table. With a sigh, he braced himself for the words his father was probably going to have with him for calling him so early in the morning (even though back in Ohio it was much later than what it was in LA), but when he answered, he was surprised to hear his dad laughing.

"Dad?"

"Hey kiddo. Did you know that little brat can talk up a storm? He was talkin' to me for a good fifteen minutes before I was able to get him to bring you the phone!"

"Sorry about that. I'm making breakfast and Blaine's asleep and I forgot my phone was left alone-"

"It's not a problem, bud. I enjoyed speaking with my- erm... grandson. He sounds like he's a cutie."

"He is. He's the cutest." Sniffing, Kurt turned his attention back to stove and panicked, his eyes widening when he noticed the pancake he was trying to fry was burnt on one side. "Shit! I just burnt this pancake. Dad, can I call you back? I'm not good at this multitasking thing."

"You can always let me listen to my grandkid talk for a little bit. I, uh... that would be nice."

Kurt frowned, dumping the burnt pancake into the trash before he called for Landon to come back, setting the phone on the table. He flipped it to speaker and sat the little boy down in a chair, telling him to tell Burt a story while he finished breakfast. Landon was happy to oblige, immediately telling Burt a tale about a magical castle that had a dragon and a pretty singing bird who granted wishes. Kurt listened on as he cooked, easily finishing off several pancakes by the time Landon was done storytelling (the tale he told even included an original song that Kurt thought was the cutest thing ever.) By the time the pancakes were plated (complete with fruit on the side), Landon was _ready_ to eat, digging into his meal as soon as Kurt laid the plate on the table. "Dad, we're gonna eat now, but I will call you back as soon as I can, okay?" He didn't miss the sniffling sound of his father's breathing and he shook his head, hating that his dad was getting emotional over this, over something that he would've known about years ago if-

He stopped, pushing back those same thoughts that had been plaguing him for days as he took a seat at the table and finished saying bye to his dad. When the call was over, he started to eat too, taking his time enjoying the alone time he was able to spend with his son. Landon was _yumming_ over the taste of his food, occasionally sending Kurt a thumbs up and a nod as he ate and before Kurt knew it, he'd polished off more than half of his plate, finally pushing it away with a sigh.

"You were really hungry!"

"That was good. Thanks Mister Kurt!"

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Do you want to help me clean up?"

"Okay!" Sliding out of his chair, Landon rushed to the sink and waited for Kurt to dump their plates. The two of them cleaned up the kitchen in no time, putting away the leftovers and loading the dishwasher like it was nothing. By the time some of Landon's favorite shows were starting to play on the tv, they were finished cleaning and relaxing on the sofa, Landon stretched out with Margaret Thatcher dog at his side while Kurt played on his phone. It was during this rest period that Kurt decided to snap a photo of Lan to send to his dad, captioning it with _Meet Landon!_ Within seconds, his phone was buzzing with a text about how adorable the little boy was... and then, a few minutes later, a photo text showed up.

It was a picture of Kurt at that age, sprawled out on the couch with a lollipop in one hand and the remote for the VCR in the other... and in the photo he looked just like Landon.

"Who's that?" A voice asked to his left. Kurt looked down, not surprised to find Landon leaning over him as he studied the photo on his phone. "Who's that boy? Is that me?"

"No, sweetie. That's me when I was your age."

"You look like me!"

"Yeah, I do."

"Can I see?" Leaning down, Landon wrapped his fingers around Kurt's shirt and hunched forward, looking at the photo closely before he sat back and looked at Kurt with narrowed eyes. "Your eyes are blue. In this picture, they're green!"

"That they are. My eyes change colors. Sometimes they're blue, sometimes they're green, sometimes they're grey. Your eyes are like that too. They change colors; so do your daddy's. You guys have hazel eyes."

"Hazel?"

"Yeah. They're like green and brown mixed together. They're very pretty."

Landon tilted his head in thought, staring deep into Kurt's eyes for a second before he looked back at the picture. "Do you have any games on your phone?" Like that, his questions about the photo and eye color were over and Kurt smiled at him, closing the text screen to look for something for Landon to play. Finally he settled on the ancient Angry Birds app, showing the toddler how to swipe his finger across the screen to shoot the birds into random boxes and crates. It took Landon a few minutes to catch on, but before Kurt knew it, he was cackling in laughter as the birds flew into boxes and exploded. Once he was occupied, Kurt decided to take another look at the DVDs Blaine had scattered on his entertainment center, settling on watching another one of the _Landon_ tapes while the boy in question busied himself by shooting birds into piles of sticks.

::::::::::

**May 2015**

_"Do you ever feel like just _calling_ Kurt up and telling him about Landon?"_

_"No. God, Coop! Why do you always ask me that?" Blaine rolled his eyes, shifting Landon's position in his arms as he waited for the bottle warmer to ding so he could get Landon's lunch out. His son was screaming, his tiny red-tinged face pressed into his daddy's shoulder as he cried out his demand for food. He'd been like that for hours now, crying because he was sick and now he was hungry, and all Blaine could do was try to sing to him in order to calm him down._

_It wasn't working._

_Cooper, who was miraculously home for once, was sitting at the dining room table, forehead resting on his folded arms as he huffed and puffed about how noisy his nephew was. That's all Blaine heard since his brother got back from his publicity tour for the credit company he did commercials for. It was always stuff about the baby. _Why does he cry so much? How come _I_ have to hold him? Can't you take a shower later? Couldn't you take him somewhere else? I'm trying to memorize my lines.

_To be truthful, Blaine felt terrible about encroaching in on his brother's space. It was a last minute thing really. He called up Cooper because he felt like he had no one else to turn to during that time of need, but ever since he got there, he felt like Cooper didn't want him around either. It wasn't like he and his brother were super close. They tried rebuilding their relationship after Coop came to Ohio back in 2012, but once he went back to LA, that whole _becoming better brothers_ thing flew right out the window. Now that he was a young dad, Blaine was able to see just how immature his older brother really was. Cooper was selfish, always thinking of how things affected _him, _not others, and while Blaine loved his brother very much, he hated that it felt like there was a wedge between them at that moment._

_A wedge that was obviously the wee one in his arms._

_"C'mon, baby. Daddy's almost got your bottle. It's okay. Shh, honey. Shh."_

_"He's been crying for _days_, Blaine. I've got an audition in two days and I haven't been able to get any sleep. This living arrangement's just not working. Are you sure you can't go back to Kurt? I mean-"_

_"I can't go back to New York, Coop! Nobody wants me there and obviously I'm not wanted here either so why do I even bother?!"_

_"Blaine, that's not-"_

_"You want me to move out. I got that easily from what you just said. I'm not dumb, you know?" Shaking his head, Blaine rocked his son as he glared at the warming machine, two seconds away from tearing the lid off and saying fuck it before he gave Landon a lukewarm bottle. At that thought, he took in a deep breath, body trembling as he struggled to calm himself down before he exploded. Everything was weighing on him so heavily: taking care of Landon all alone, hearing Cooper bitch at him about the smallest things when he hadn't been there in _months_, and knowing that everything was crashing down on him yet again. Landon was sick, his doctor bills were racking up because the poor little guy had tummy issues in the beginning followed by colic and now a double ear infection. Blaine couldn't help that his poor boy was hurting; if he could, he would take every little pain and discomfort from his son just so he wouldn't have to hear him cry. But, life wasn't fair and instead of _him _being ill, Landon was and Blaine couldn't do anything about it except pray that the doctor's gave him medicine that would finally soothe his baby's aches._

_"I'm just saying that maybe you should tell Kurt about Landon. He'd take you back in a-"_

_"I don't want him to _take me back, _Cooper! He threw me out like I was yesterday's garbage! If he took me back now, it would just be because of Landon and how am I supposed to take that? _Oh, I didn't want you, but you have my baby so let's get back together! _Forget that. I don't need him!"_

_"You're living on my couch-"_

_"God, would you stop reminding me about that? I'm sorry I'm ruining your life. Jesus!" A deep ache throbbed in Blaine's heart as he fought with the tears that brimmed in his eyes. He was probably being dramatic; in fact, he was sure he was blowing things a little out of the water, but Landon was screaming, Cooper was coming at him for no reason whatsoever, and now he was thinking about _Kurt_. It was all just hovering there in his head, taunting him like the kids used to do to him at school. Everything he'd ever learned in therapy flew right out the window as more and more pressure came down on him and finally he just let go, his mouth parting as shaky, gasping sobs slipped from his lips._

_"Oh shit, Blaine. Don't do this. C'mon."_

_His crying grew a little louder, mixing in with the baby's screams, and soon after that, the incessant buzz of the bottle warmer started, alerting them that the formula was ready. Cooper got up from the table, shutting off the warmer before he pulled the bottle from inside and tested it on his wrist, gently sliding Landon out of Blaine's arms so that he could take the baby over and feed him. Once Blaine's arms were empty, he slumped to the ground, sobbing into his knees as he listened to Cooper quietly sing to Landon on the other side of the room._

_Cooper left him alone about Kurt after that... and a few weeks later, Blaine moved out._

::::::::::

Blaine jerked awake, sweat dripping off his temple as he sat up and looked around the room. He wasn't sure what exactly caused him to shoot up like that, but he'd been having strange dreams all night long. Dreams that were mostly like flashbacks plagued his slumber and the last one made his heart ache as he thought about one of the last fights he had with his big brother before he moved out. These days, he and Cooper were closer, not as close as he imagined they'd be, but Coop stepped up after he found out about Blaine's other job. Like everybody else, he begged his brother to do something else, to not strip, but Blaine pushed him away, telling him that he had it controlled, that he was doing just fine with work and everything.

He didn't tell Cooper about the _counseling_ or that he had an admirer named Richard who liked him way too much for someone that was old enough to be his father.

Pushing back the thought of _Richard_ and that ancient fight with Coop, Blaine wiped his hand across his forehead and pushed the sweat from his eyes, stretching his tired body before he finally glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It was after noon, about twenty-five after, so he'd got a _little_ sleep in. However, as he was thinking about the rest he was able to get, panic consumed him over the thought of what _Landon_ was doing. Scared, he leapt out of bed and took off running down the hall, his footsteps freezing when he heard Kurt's voice come floating out of the kitchen. As he peeked into the room, he found Landon and Kurt standing side by side at the counter, Landon balancing on his red stepstool while he handed Kurt some vegetables to chop. Something delicious was simmering on the stove and Blaine's heart fell a little bit when he realized that Kurt was making his family's famous veggie soup. It had been _years_ since he had a bowl (it had been one of his favorites when they were together) and as he took in his son helping Kurt with the veggies, he had yet another painful flash of what could've been shoot through his mind.

"Daddy! Daddy's awake!" Landon squealed, breaking the spell in Blaine's brain as he glanced up and found the two staring back at him. Kurt was smiling, a soft expression on his face as he took in Blaine's rumpled clothing and sleep fluffed hair. Landon, on the other hand, was beaming at his dad, waving at him to come into the kitchen. "Mister Kurt's teaching me how to make soup! I love soup! Daddy loves soup too!"

"I know," Kurt said quietly and Blaine sucked in a deep breath, stepping forward into the kitchen until he was standing next to Landon.

"Is that your family's vegetable soup?"

"Yep. Landon said he wanted soup and I thought of the perfect one to make considering you have a great stock of veggies in your fridge right now."

Blaine stared at him, eyes looking deep into Kurt's as they both looked at each other for a moment or two. To be honest, Blaine wasn't sure where Kurt was playing at. One minute they were complete strangers and now Kurt was weaseling his way into their life. At first he was terrified to have Kurt there (and he still was, a little) but now he was curious... because what in the world was going on? He didn't trust Kurt at all, not after everything that had gone down between them over the years, but as he watched Kurt with Landon, he felt himself growing more interested in his ex's behavior. It was so strange to him.

Then his brain remembered something he said oh so long ago: _Oh, I didn't want you, but you have my baby so let's get back together!_

_Was that it? Was Landon the reason why Kurt was back? Why Kurt was doing this?_ He watched Kurt show Landon had to pour the vegetables into a bowl together to mix before they went into the pot. Kurt was _so_ gentle with him, so kind and quiet, careful to make sure Landon didn't get too close to the stove. He kept smiling at him too, like he was incredibly _proud_ of the little boy beside him, and Blaine wanted to yell that Landon was the way he was because of _him_.

"Do you want anything to go along with the soup?"

Blaine looked up at his ex's words, surprised to find Landon skittering off to the living room, leaving him and Kurt alone. "What?"

"A long time ago, we used to make bread to go with the soup. Did you want-"

"I... Kurt, what are you doing?"

"What?"

"_This_. Being here with me and Landon, taking care of Landon and looking at him like- like... like you love him."

"I do love-"

"You barely even know him. You barely even know me." Crossing his arms over his chest, Blaine leaned against the counter. "You're _engaged, _Kurt. You live in New York, we live here, and you're going to be leaving in a few days. What are you doing?"

Kurt swallowed, glancing towards the living room where he could hear Landon playing, his sweet voice melting Kurt's heart the more and more he heard it. He thought about his argument with Alex, about his talk with his dad and how now he was having all these doubts (even though some of those doubts were already there in his head months ago, now strengthened by everything happening around him.) He looked at Blaine, at how strong his ex was and how much of an amazing parent he was to their son, to the child he knew nothing about... and he didn't know what to say. Because he was sure if he just started telling Blaine _everything_ he'd scare him away. Frowning, he ducked his head, shaking it as he looked at his socked feet. "I don't know."

"You _don't know_? You're in _my_ house, spending time with _my_ child, and I don't understand. I just want to know _why_."

"I don't know."

Blaine's eyes narrowed into a glare. "Well when you figure it out, can you at least _tell_ me? It's the _least_ you can do after fucking up my life. Okay? Thanks." With that one last barb, Blaine turned on his heel and left the kitchen, leaving Kurt staring sadly after him. In the living room, Landon began talking up a storm about the bird game he played on Kurt's phone and Kurt leaned against the counter, wounded heart slowly piecing itself back together as he began trying to figure out what exactly he was going to do.

Or, more importantly, how he was going to explain everything to Blaine.

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**A/N: If this chapter has a bunch of mistakes, I apologize. I wanted to get this out before I left for vacation and my ride's on the way so off I go! This will be the last update until next week, but you can check out my tumblr for any updates about ME if you want. I also have mpreg fic recs on there for you to read if you get bored while waiting for me to return! Until next time! Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Songs mentioned in this chapter include: _Jar of Hearts_ by Christina Perri. I have a reference video for Blaine's dance on my tumblr (same username as on here) and it's linked to this fic's update. If you can't find it, message me and I'll try to link you to the video. I digress! I'm not associated with anyone, nor do I own that music. Anyway, I own nothing!**

* * *

Eating dinner with both Kurt _and_ Landon was a feat within itself. Having a meal with the two of them at the same table in _his_ apartment was strange as hell. It wasn't like the last time they ate together, where they shared some fast food and ice cream out in public. This was private, this was _personal_, this was... _intimate_.

The whole thing scared the shit out of Blaine.

"Daddy? I want more bread."

"What do you say when you want something, Lan?"

"More bread please?"

Blaine reached out for the tray of fresh baked rolls and took one for Landon, breaking it in half before he buttered it lightly and placed it on his son's plate, watching as the little boy immediately began to nosh on it between bites of soup. Kurt sat quietly across from them, slowly eating his own meal as he observed the father-son interaction before him. Unlike the day before, Blaine was a lot more tense this time around. His shoulders were locked tight, his brows furrowed, and he barely made a move to eat more than a few spoonfuls of his soup, let alone any of the rolls Kurt baked. Deep down, Kurt knew what was bothering him - it was _his_ presence there that was making things uneasy in Blaine's life, but Kurt was reluctant to leave (as bad as that sounded.) He knew he had no right encroaching on his ex's life after all these years, but he couldn't bring himself to go away, not when he was aching with want over what he'd lost.

Being able to see Blaine again awoke a spark inside of Kurt that he thought he snubbed out years ago. After Blaine's disappearance and after the time he spent looking for him, Kurt told himself that maybe it was for the best, that maybe Blaine being gone was a good thing (...not.) Without him around, Kurt was able to move on... or so he thought he was. Meeting Alex sent his world flipping upside down; Alex was new, Alex was different. Alex wasn't anything like Blaine and that's what attracted Kurt in the first place... because if Alexander had been anything like his ex-fiance, Kurt _knew_ he wouldn't be able to do it. Because despite his constant reassurance to _himself_ that he didn't love Blaine anymore and that it was better in the long run that Blaine was gone... he _did_ still love Blaine and he missed him like crazy. Alex let him forget that pain.

Well, until Kurt started seeing just how _different _Alexander was from his former love.

Watching Blaine now, sitting at the dinner table in _his_ apartment while he watched his ex and Landon communicate, showed Kurt just how stupid he really was. This kind of life, this _loving_ life wasn't something he'd _ever_ get with Alex. His fiance wasn't a family man; he loved the superficial things in life - money, sex, vacations, etc. Where Blaine was caring, Alex was cold. Where Blaine did whatever he had to do to provide for his loved ones, Alex only thought of himself. Just reflecting on those things made the ring on Kurt's hand feel like it was ten thousand pounds, like his finger was going to fall off from the weight. He didn't like it...

He didn't _want_ it. Not anymore.

A giggle brought him back to the present and he looked up, eyes locking with Landon's as the little boy smiled up at him. "Soup's yummy, Mister Kurt!"

"Yummy in your tummy?"

"Yeah!" Landon laughed again, turning back to his bowl and Kurt let his eyes travel over to where Lan's other daddy sat, frowning slightly when he noticed how quiet and reserved Blaine seemed.

"You okay?"

"I wish you'd stop asking me that. You lost that right years ago-"

"I know-"

"Obviously you don't because you keep on doing it. I don't think you really understand the situation here, _Kurt_." Blaine's flashing amber eyes locked onto Kurt's and the other man shrunk a little in his seat. He wasn't _that_ dumb. He knew Blaine was beyond pissed with him for his half-assed answer about why he was there and why he just wouldn't _go_, but he didn't know how to explain himself without coming off more like a complete jerk. Everything he thought of didn't seem like it would sound right if he said it aloud; the words he batted around in his brain didn't make sense when he thought about forming them into sentences. He wanted to tell Blaine how sorry he was about how foolish he'd been and how he could never make up for what he did. However, he didn't know how to form it out, how to express his sorrows without making it sound selfish. He wanted to apologize and for Blaine to maybe (possibly) forgive him, but it wouldn't do him any good if everything he spoke came out sounding like an accusation or an excuse on his behalf.

"Blaine-"

Before his ex could even begin to speak, the sound of a key in the lock silenced the whole conversation. Landon perked up immediately, turning to look at the doorway and Blaine got up in light speed, disappearing out of the family's sight as he went to investigate the mysterious noise. Once he was gone, Kurt turned his body towards Landon, weary eyes (and ears) waiting on a sign from Blaine to grab the toddler and run just in case someone was out there. But despite his fears, no sign came. The door opened, Blaine made a strange noise, and then a voice that Kurt hadn't heard in _years_ came floating down the hall.

"Hey squirt! How come you didn't answer your phone earlier? Umm... why are you making that face at me? Quit grabbing my arm! It's not like I haven't been in your apartment before!" There was a pause. "Mmm, something smells good. What's for dinner? Did you order food without me or are we having- _oh_."

Kurt's eyes widened when none other than Cooper Anderson paused in the doorway, his blue eyes round with shock as he took in his little brother's ex and the fact that the man was sitting at the dinner table with Landon. The two stared at each other for several long seconds, both Blaine and Landon off the radar as the former future in-laws watched each other closely. Kurt waited with baited breath for his ex-almost-brother-in-law to snap at him, but it never came. Cooper instead stepped forward, an amused look on his face as he looked back and forth between his little bro and the man who broke said brother's heart.

"Gotta say I wasn't expecting this. Shit, Blaine."

"Cooper, don't-"

"Long time no see, Kurt."

"Yeah." _Definitely_.

::::::::::

**July 2014**

_"Anderson! Phone call for you!"_

_Cooper grumbled, rolling off the couch he was napping on before he trudged his way through the crowd of people in front of him. The assistant to the director of the show he was shooting handed him the phone, blending back into the crowd while everyone got ready to get back to filming. Cooper himself would have to be back in front of the cameras in a few minutes, so he had to make this conversation fast. Unfortunately, he had no idea who was on the other line and if it was his pregnant little brother, he knew the convo would be longer than what he'd want it to be._

_"Cooper Anderson speaking."_

_"Cooper, thank god. It's me... Kurt."_

_"Kurt as in Kurt Hummel? Hmm..."_

_"Yes. Coop, you _know_ me. Please don't do this. I just- I need your help."_

_"My help as in what?"_

_"I... I need to find Blaine. I don't know if you heard, but we broke up and he disappeared and I just- I need to talk to him. Do you know where he is? If you do, can you please tell me or at least tell him I'm looking for him?" Kurt continued to ramble on, his voice shaking and emotional as he rattled off reasons why he needed to find Blaine. All Cooper could do, however, was tune him out. He knew he should probably tell Kurt where his brother was because then a bunch of his problems could be solved at once. He'd have Blaine off of his sofa, he wouldn't have to deal with an emotionally unstable mess of a little brother, and Blaine would be a lot happier. Well, maybe..._

_Then he thought about how much of a wreck his bro was after he showed up in LA just a month ago. Blaine was pregnant, that much was confirmed about a week after he set foot in California, and he was absolutely heartbroken. Many nights found Cooper laying in bed listening to his brother sob down the hall, Blaine's choked off cries quiet in the nighttime silence, but not quiet enough to not be heard. For weeks Blaine barely ate, his appetite waning as he fought a million different plaguing thoughts about his break-up and the fact that he needed to keep going for the baby growing inside him. On those days, Cooper found himself shoving plate after plateful of different foods into his brother's face, begging him to eat because he looked scarily thin and that couldn't be good for the baby. It took him a while, but Blaine finally started to eat again and he started to gain weight like he was supposed to. Now they'd been living together for over a month and Blaine was starting to get better. It was a day by day thing, little by little, but he was getting stronger. If he cried anymore, Cooper didn't hear it, and he did eat like he was supposed to. Plus, he had a new doctor that kept him on tabs with his baby's growth and it was like all was well - or as well as they could be when it came to being a young single father._

_"Cooper? Are you still there?"_

_Kurt's thin voice cut through the jumble of thoughts in Cooper's head and he nodded, rolling his eyes when he remembered that his brother's ex couldn't see him through the phone. "Sorry Kurt. I haven't heard from him since you two broke up."_

_"Nothing? He didn't tell you where he is? My dad called your parents and they refused to say anything. Dad thinks they've disowned him and-"_

_"They have."_

_"Oh my god-"_

_"But he's okay. He'll be alright. He's strong."_

_"Do you have a number I can contact him with? Please Cooper, I need-"_

_"The last time he contacted me, he said he needed some time to think. He sounded okay, but I don't think that he'll appreciate you calling him after what happened-"_

_"I-"_

_"Give him time. Maybe he'll contact you?"_

_"But I-"_

_"Honestly Kurt, I'm the last person you should be trying to contact about him. Even if I did know where he was, who's to say that I'd give _you_ his number? After what you did to him? Please."_

_"Coop-"_

_"Just let him have some time. He'll call you when he's ready." Before another word could be spoken, Cooper hung up the phone, running a hand through his hair as he walked back to the set. It was probably a dumb idea to not give Blaine's whereabouts to Kurt; honestly, Kurt sounded remorseful about the whole thing, but he didn't see Blaine that day. He didn't have to watch Blaine fall apart as soon as the front door opened or had to listen to him wail out his heartbreak and despair over losing the love of his life and his best friends. Cooper would never forget that day and to him, Kurt didn't deserve to know where his ex was._

_"Let him wallow in it," the older man whispered to himself before he plastered his show smile back on and went to finish filming. "Let him wallow in it."_

::::::::::

**October 2014**

_"So are you gonna tell Kurt he's a dad now or what?"_

_"Cooper, stop. I already told you: I'm not ready for that. The last time I spoke to Kurt, he was telling me basically how much he hated me. The last thing I need is for him to suddenly decide he wants to get back with me or - heaven forbid - come after custody of our son because he still hates me."_

_"I don't think he's ever hated you-"_

_"You didn't hear him that day, Coop. You didn't hear what he said nor did you have to deal with the things his friends said. I honestly thought things would blow over, but they didn't." There was a pause on the other line and Cooper stretched his body out, staring out the window at the night sky. The winds blew fiercely outside (it _was_ the windy city after all) but he sort of missed home... and the fact that he was a brand new uncle and only had a picture of his nephew to fawn over._

_"If Kurt ever contacted you again, would you tell him about the baby?"_

_"I... I don't know. Cooper, I- I'm just really tired right now and the last thing I want to do at the moment is talk about my ex, okay? Can you call me tomorrow after you get done filming?"_

_"It probably won't be until late, but yeah, I can do that."_

_"Great. Thanks." The sound of Blaine shuffling around in his bed followed by a sharp cry made Cooper smile, his heart beating a little faster over the noises his nephew made. "I've gotta go. The baby's up and I'm pretty sure he's hungry. I'll talk to you later?"_

_"Yeah. Talk to you later, squirt. Love you."_

_"Love you too. Bye Coop."_

_"Bye."_

_He set the phone down on the counter, closing his eyes as he thought about the picture Blaine sent him just hours before. It was a photo of a tiny bundled up infant, head covered with a white beanie that said _baby boy _on it. The baby was fast asleep, little lips pursed as he napped and despite the fact that Cooper Anderson wasn't really a kid person, he couldn't help but think that his nephew was the cutest freaking kid alive. Still thinking about his newest role as _uncle, _Cooper started to doze off, smile on his face as he thought about how this whole _uncle_ thing could broaden his acting skills. Eventually he could play the role of a hot young dad and he'd ace it, all thanks to the fact that his brother had a baby. Perhaps there were perks in this whole situation after all._

::::::::::

**May 2015**

_Cooper was so wrong about babies. Oh boy was he wrong._

_His nephew was a few months old now and Coop was _just_ now meeting him. The baby was adorable; he was an Anderson, so it was in his genes, and Cooper thought the world of him. However, the kid screamed like nobody's business. Ever since Cooper set foot in his apartment after coming home from his commercial tour in Chicago, shrill crying was all he heard day in and day out. He'd been home for a few weeks now and the entire time, he had a headache. Landon never stopped crying. He'd sleep for a few hours and then wake up the dead with his cries; no amount of soothing would help. Blaine wasn't fairing much better either. He looked like a member of the walking dead himself, red eyes rimmed with dark circles as he dragged himself through the apartment with his weeping son against his chest. At first, Cooper thought he could help out a little, take Landon with him so that Blaine could get a break. But he ended up learning real fast that babies weren't as fun as they seemed. Landon hated being put down, he spit up like crazy, and if he needed bathed? Forget about it._

_He was probably the most unhappy baby Cooper had ever met in his life and since Landon was unhappy, everyone else around him was the same. Especially Blaine._

_Of course, he had his reasons. Hearing his child cry like _that_ only made things worse and Coop found himself rubbing his temples whenever he'd hear Blaine losing his shit in the other room after he failed yet again at calming his upset son down. Curse words galore usually followed by angry tears were a common thing, Cooper noticed, but he didn't say anything; he just observed._

_"Coop? Can you watch him for a minute? I need to run to the car and get that other pack of diapers I left in the trunk. It'll only be a second."_

_"Ugh, Blaine- I'm so busy right now! I told you that I can't stop memorizing this. I mean- crap, I've already forgotten the last four lines!"_

_"I'm sorry, it's just- Landon's diapers are out in the car and there aren't any left up here. It'll only take me a minute to grab them and come back. You won't have to watch him for long-"_

_"Fine. Go. Hurry up." Blaine nodded, saying a quiet thank you as he ran out of the room and out of the apartment. While he was out at the car, Cooper studied his squirming, diaper-less nephew as the baby screamed bloody murder over being half naked. His entire face was red, expression scrunched as he tightened his little fists, and, to Cooper's utter horror, the room filled with a terrible smell. Before Coop could figure out what was happening, he saw the most disgusting thing down below and he gagged, backing up with a hand over his nose. "Oh god- oh no fucking way-"_

_"Shit! I thought he was done," Blaine gasped, his breathy voice filling the room as he ran inside and dropped to his knees on the floor just inches from where Landon was laying down on a spread out blanket. "He's been sick all day. It's this stupid formula; it gives him diarrhea. God, baby... oh honey." Cooper turned away as his brother went to pick up his soiled son and when Blaine began to rush off to the bathroom, the smell overpowered him, making him gag once again._

_"Ugh Blaine! He smells!"_

_"He's a baby! Babies poop, Cooper! It was an accident; he doesn't handle that formula well!"_

_"He doesn't handle _any_ formula well!"_

_"I know that! I'm trying to find one that he can eat! Jesus!" Water running in the tub silenced their conversation for a moment, but once it tapered off, Cooper jumped back into the argument, storming into the bathroom where his brother was hunched over the tub, hands gently washing off Landon's dirty bottom and back._

_"I really hope you're planning on getting that blanket off my floor. I don't think I'll be able to explain a stain of that nature to my landlord when I-"_

_"I'll get it, Coop!"_

_"I'd spray some carpet cleaner and disinfectant on that too. It smells so freaking bad in there. I don't understand how something so small can smell so bad!"_

_"He lives on a liquid diet. He's not gonna smell like baby powder all the time!"_

_"He never smells like baby powder. He always smells like old formula or baby wipes. Whoever claimed babies had a nice smell was a liar. Same goes for how cute they are or how quiet they are or-"_

_"Can you just go? You aren't helping by just standing there complaining to me-"_

_"I'm just telling you that-"_

_"I know what you're saying, Cooper! You've been saying the same crap to me since you got here. I get it. Now could you leave?" Blaine rolled his eyes and Cooper did the same, stepping out of the bathroom to go walking through the house with a bottle of air freshener, spraying the whole place liberally with the odor eliminator before he fled to the safety of his (at least decent smelling) bedroom. Hours later, he came out to find Blaine sleeping on the sofa, Landon (finally) asleep against his chest, the living room completely cleaned and smelling nice. It was a temporary thing, that's for sure, but Cooper appreciated his brother cleaning up after himself._

_Of course, it was in the midst of those thoughts that he accidentally bumped into the coffee table as he walked by, thus knocking over a cup of juice Blaine had on the edge, sending it clattering onto its side with a thud. Landon's tiny nose wrinkled and then he wailed, jerking Blaine awake and sending Cooper to the kitchen with his ears covered._

_The baby would cry for _hours_ after that and by the end of that night, Cooper was ready for his brother to move the fuck out. A week after that, they argued over their increasing anger with one another and after Cooper brought up Kurt (which was a _dumb_ idea considering how easily Kurt gave up on trying to get in contact with Blaine after his last convo with Coop), Blaine finally snapped, moving out not long after. He supposedly found an apartment on the outskirts of town that was in his price range, so off he went. And once Coop's apartment had been emptied of its previous guests, he felt a lot better about having his space back. A _lot_ better._

_Unfortunately he would only feel that way until the day he found out exactly _how _his younger brother was paying his bills. After that, he felt like the shittiest sibling on earth... because he was._

::::::::::

"Can't say that I was expecting _this_." Cooper mused, walking further into the room as he ignored his little brother's pleas to leave and come back later. "I guess I should've known. Blaine's been busy over the last few weeks and he's never _that_ busy, not anymore. It's always work, work, work and then he spends his free time with Landon. I should've known that it was _Kurt_ who threw a wrench in the plans. Figures." Flashing his brilliantly white smile, Cooper dropped down into the empty chair on Kurt's right, waving at Landon before he turned back to his brother's ex. "So, how are you, Mr. _Kurt_ Hummel?"

"I... I'm fine."

"Oh, would you look at that! What a beautiful ring! I take it you're engaged?"

The air in the room thickened; Kurt and Blaine immediately grew tense, but Landon in all his childish curiosity beamed, pushing himself up to lean closer to Kurt, bright eyes studying Kurt's hand until he found what he was looking for. "Are you marrying a prince or a princess?" He asked, bouncing in his seat as he stared at Kurt's ring, all wide-eyed with wonder. "Daddy! Look! Mister Kurt's getting married!"

"I see it, Lan." The downcast look in Blaine's eyes broke Kurt's heart and he wanted to say something, but Blaine beat him to the punch. "Honey, since you're done with dinner, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah! Can I watch _Cinderella?"_

Blaine nodded, wandering over to the table to take Landon by the hand and walk him into the living room. As the father and son left, both Kurt and Cooper could hear Landon talking about weddings and marriage, his constant gushing about Kurt's ring making the wearer of the discussion's topic want to disappear into a hole in the ground. He knew that Landon's talking about the ring was probably adding to the boiling point of Blaine's anger, but he didn't know what to do about it. He was already on the fence about his engagement as it was and now he felt like someone was tearing his heart out of his chest... because that was his _son_ in there talking to his should-have-been husband about _him_ getting married to someone else. It shouldn't have been that way.

"God-"

"Feelin' like crap, aren't we? You're a little late there, you know? Engaged to be married to someone else and suddenly coming around to your ex's place? How does that even work? How did you find him because I'm pretty sure he didn't contact you. I tried to get him to, but he kept on saying stuff about how you'd only want him back because of Landon and blah blah blah. Kind of a downer really."

"I... was at my bachelor party and he... _danced_ for me."

"Oh... well, damn. I definitely didn't see that coming. Sorta sounds like a movie- _holy shit_, I could probably shop this around and it _could_ be a movie-"

"Don't. Cooper, just... don't." Glaring, Kurt looked back at the doorway that led to the living room, his heart icy in his chest as he thought about Blaine in there getting Landon (cute little talkative _Landon_) to sit still and watch _Cinderella_ before he came back in the dining room and landblasted his brother and ex. It was coming, he knew it was, but that didn't mean he _wasn't_ worried about his ex in there. "I feel bad enough about this whole thing. I don't want-"

"You feel bad enough? You called me _one time_, Kurt. Just _once_ asking me where Blaine was and I told you to give him time. I thought you'd call back; I really did. I thought you'd start to hound me about his whereabouts or- maybe that's the foolish part of me who watches too many romantic films and believes there's happy endings? I thought you'd hop on a plane to LA and come beating down my door asking for him and then I'd get stuck dragging you inside where'd you see Blaine all heavily pregnant and stuff and you two would kiss and I'd get the rights to turn your story into a romantic comedy and boom! _But_... nothing. No more phone calls, no more contact. Your dad didn't even call back, which is odd considering he sorta threatened me that one time he called, but still!"

"I thought Blaine moved on-"

"Seriously? No, like _seriously_? Did you really think Blaine was gonna move on after you tore him apart like that? You really hurt him, you know-"

"I know."

"My brother and I... we aren't as close as I wish we were. That's my fault. As I've gotten older, I realized how dumb I've been these last few years and god knows I'm trying to get Blaine back on my side. But, no matter what all happened between us- hell, no matter what happened within our family all together, _including_ my parents... no one has ever hurt him as bad as you did. We expected what our parents did to happen; that's how they've been since he came out. But you? You of all people we weren't expecting." Cooper closed his eyes for a second, blinking them open to stare at Kurt for a long, uncomfortable minute. "I have no idea what exactly went down between you two. I've only heard bits and pieces; Blaine wouldn't talk about it and it always stressed him out to think of it, so he never told me the whole story."

"I- god, I-"

"I know I don't know your half either. There's two sides to every story, yeah, but I got to see first hand how fucked up my brother was after your break-up. And now you're here? I can't imagine what crazy shit's going on in his mind now." He made another glance at the door and then sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I've been so busy lately. Filming's been great, work's good, the women are absolutely _wonderful_-" Cooper swooned for just a second, "-but I haven't been around as much as I should've been. Blaine's needed me and I kinda shoved him away. It's taken me this long to realize that fame shouldn't come before family and yeah, sometimes I need reminding, but he called me the other night freaking out and I knew I had to check on him. And what do I find? _You_. Like I said earlier: _figures_. You're the only person who can mess him up this bad."

"I've been trying to tell him how sorry I am. I just- I don't know exactly how to say it."

"Your heart should. God, that sounds like another line from a movie. Can you tell I'm an actor? Oh, speaking of acting, is Rachel's show off the ground yet because I think I'm owed a guest spot considering I taught her everything she knows and-" Kurt rolled his eyes, glaring at his ex-almost-brother-in-law until Cooper got back on track. "Umm, anyway... if you really are as sorry as you say, then it shouldn't be hard to spill the beans. Blaine probably won't want to listen to you; he's gotten pretty angry over the years, but I imagine I would too with the cards he's been dealt."

"You sound so much different compared to the Cooper I met years ago-"

"With age comes wisdom, young grasshopper." Cooper teased, smiling at Kurt again before Blaine suddenly reappeared in the doorway, dark eyes falling onto the two of them with a dismal look.

"Are you two _friends_ now?"

"Cooper was just telling me about his acting career."

"And Kurt was humoring me with stories of his fiance!" Horrified, Kurt's eyes widened before they narrowed to look at Cooper with disgust. As expected, Blaine's face schooled into something blank and then he began to pick up the empty bowls of soup from the table, pushing past the two as he took the dirty dishes into the kitchen.

"I never said a word about Alex to you!" Kurt hissed, elbowing Cooper in the side once Blaine was gone. "Why would you say that?"

"If you didn't notice, Blaine's jealous as hell. Did you see that look on his face? Boy's still crazy about you and he's mad jealous that you're engaged again."

"I don't want him to be jealous! I want him to forgive me for what I did so that we can be friends again!"

"So you can be in Landon's life?"

"I... want to be in both of their lives, not just one or the other. I care about them both."

"Then why didn't you look harder for Blaine when he disappeared? Why didn't you man up and come after him? If he wasn't in Ohio, where else do you think he'd be? All of your friends sided with you, he didn't talk to the Warblers much back then, and there was one other person who he kept in touch with-"

"I didn't think he was here with you! You said that you heard from him and for me to leave him alone! I respected what you said and finally I told myself that maybe it was better this way, that maybe I was doing a better thing by letting him go completely. After what I did, I- I didn't deserve his forgiveness."

"So what makes you think you deserve it now?"

_Boom_. It was like the ticking bomb in his chest finally detonated. Cooper's words rocked him to the core, making him freeze in thought as he looked up at the older man and saw a (well-deserved) smug look directed at him. Cooper somehow knew what he was talking about; Cooper _understood_. Everything that had been fluttering around in Kurt's mind over the last few days slammed to a halt with that sentence and he found himself speechless (and thoughtless) for the first time in days. What had he been expecting? For Blaine to immediately accept him into his arms and take his pathetic attempt at an apology with an open mind? For Blaine to say _yeah, I forgive you, come help me raise Landon! We can do it together!_ Or something along those lines? The entire time he'd been around the tiny family, he kept imagining different scenarios, different situations in which he'd pour his heart out and Blaine would look at him, finally nodding his head before he hugged him. There were only a few times that he thought it would end badly, only for them to cry it out and make up in the end. Never did he imagine (and oh, was he so foolish for thinking it) that Blaine wouldn't _ever_ hear his apology, that Blaine would just brush it off. But Cooper just laid it out there in front of his face.

After Kurt did what he did, he didn't think Blaine would ever forgive him... and if that doubt was still there with _him_, it was surely there with _Blaine_. Surely.

"I..."

"I'm not saying that I know Blaine like the back of my hand because I don't. Blaine's as much of an enigma to me as he is to you. But, you _broke_ him, Kurt. I tried to put him back together again, but there are pieces of him that are still stuck to you that only you're able to glue back on." For a second, Cooper smiled. "Heard that in a movie once. Thought it was the dumbest thing ever, but now that I think about it, it totally fits you guys' situation."

Kurt shook his head, knot tightening in his throat as Cooper continued on with the movie quotes, voice carrying on like the man next to him wasn't seconds away from losing it. His chest _ached_, the pain blooming from his heart to his stomach and then all over his body, making the action of breathing bothersome. He sucked in a tight breath and looked across the room where his cell phone lay discarded, his wallet and keys a few inches away.

He couldn't breathe. It was too hard to in that small dining area. In the living room, he could hear _Cinderella_ playing and from the kitchen, he could hear Blaine loading the dishwasher. Cooper was still beside him jabbering on and in the meantime, Kurt felt weak, faint like he was gonna tumble over any moment.

He had to get out of there. He had to _breathe_. "I have to go," he choked out, squeezing past Cooper to grab his phone, wallet, and keys before he began running towards the door. Cooper followed, stopping him before he was gone for good, and the older man shoved a card in his hand - a business card with his info on it. "Cooper-"

"If you're running away from them, then don't come back. Ever."

"I'm not. I-"

"If you need to take a breather, that's my cell. Call it once you've sorted out your issues. I can help you from there." When Kurt nodded, watery eyes blinking back the tears within, Cooper shoved him out the door, shutting it behind him to leave the emotional man all alone in the hall. Once he was by himself, he broke down, stumbling down the corridor to the stairwell where he collapsed on the steps in a fit of tears. Everything inside him _hurt_ so much more than it ever did and as he sobbed, he wondered if this was what Blaine felt like when he broke his heart all those years ago.

::::::::::

_"Hello?"_

_"Dad? There's something I have to tell you."_

::::::::::

_"You guys can go on home. I'm gonna stay here for a few more days if Rachel doesn't mind me sticking around. No, Sam, it's best for you to all go back to New York. I'll call you if... if anything changes. I promise."_

::::::::::

_"Alex? Hey, it's me. I'm not sure why you're not answering your phone, but when you get this message, can you call me... or- or text me? We need to talk. I'd rather it be face to face once I get back to the city, but I don't know when you're coming back, so... just call me, okay?"_

::::::::::

_"I didn't think you'd call-"_

_"I need to talk to him. Is he working tonight?"_

_"Yep. He's gotta shift that starts at nine. I've got Landon tonight, so if you want to head over there, I'd suggest you go ahead. He's working all week, so unless you want to have this conversation with him while Landon's around, your best bet would be to catch him at the club."_

_"Thanks Coop."_

_"You'd better not hurt him again because I swear-"_

_"I won't. I promise."_

::::::::::

Three days. That's how long it took for Kurt to get his thoughts straight, to clear his mind before he inevitably jumped into the fire that had already consumed Blaine. Now was his chance to douse those flames, to see if he could get Blaine to take his hand and trust him again... and maybe, just _maybe_ let him back in. He knew it was a _huge_ chance to take, but he was going to risk it. If Blaine didn't want him in his life anymore, he'd respect that. He'd hate to leave him and Landon, but he would. Because he knew he didn't have a right to dictate Blaine's life, not one bit. He might've been the other father of Landon, but he failed in that respect too. Landon only knew of him as _Mister Kurt_ and while, lawfully, he might've had parental rights over the little boy if he tried to fight it, he wouldn't be able to follow up on that, not with a clear conscience and heart. Landon was all Blaine's. _Blaine's._

Maybe one day when the toddler was older, he could learn about Kurt's role in his creation, but until then, Kurt was just a friend of Blaine's. Just a _friend_.

As he walked into the nightclub, Kurt kept his hand over his heart, its beat racing and thudding against his chest as he made his way through the crowd of people and down the familiar glitter covered stairs to where Blaine's section of the house was. As expected, Blaine was onstage, his body spinning around the pole in a fluid motion, his form barely clothed but beautiful with the violet backlight behind him. His dance was flowing, body curled around the pole like water as he spread his legs and let himself fall slowly, the strength of his arms holding him steady until he could wrap his thighs around the metal and lean back. Kurt stood there in silence, eyes longingly watching his ex as he performed and it wasn't until the song quieted a little that he finally locked in on the lyrics. Unlike the last few times he'd seen Blaine dance, this song was softer, more heartbreaking than the others and Kurt knew _why_.

_I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms  
_

It had been so long since he last heard that song. Memories of Rachel singing it at prom while he stood next to Blaine wishing they could dance like everyone else filled his mind, the flashback slowly melting away as he watched his ex pour entire soul out into that performance.

_And I've learned to live, half alive__  
__And now you want me one more time_

The whole audience was dead silent, not loud and obnoxious like they'd been the other times Kurt had been there. Everyone was mesmerized by this act... because instead of it being Shadow dancing for money, this time it was personal. This was Shadow bearing his soul, letting them in, letting _Kurt_ see what he did.

_And it took so long just to feel alright  
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes  
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed  
'Cause you broke all your promises  
And now you're back  
You don't get to get me back_

Kurt pressed himself back against the wall, body hidden in the darkness as he watched Blaine complete his dance. His heart throbbed more, its unsteady beat like a drum against his ribcage as Blaine spun high off the ground, arms out at his sides as he whipped around the pole, his skin glistening in the glowing purple ambiance. If Kurt thought his heart ever hurt worse, he was wrong. This... _this_ hurt terribly.

_And who do you think you are?  
Runnin' 'round leaving scars  
Collecting your jar of hearts  
Tearing love apart  
You're gonna catch a cold  
From the ice inside your soul  
Don't come back for me  
Don't come back at all _

The performance was coming to an end with those last few words, Blaine gradually coming down from his place at the top, body loose as he dropped to the tip of his toes and sagged to his knees onstage. He wrapped his arms around himself, fingers grazing across his slightly visible ribs before they settled around his shoulder and waist, his hands holding him in their own tight hug. From his place across the room, Kurt could see the wet streaks that washed down his ex's face, the tears that rinsed away his eye makeup. As he stared helplessly at his former fiance, Blaine glanced up, his watery eyes locking with Kurt's right as the last line of the song played out, its punch slamming hard... as it was intended.

_Who do you think you are?_

:::::::::::

"To be honest, I didn't think you'd stick around after all that."

Kurt looked up, forehead still resting on his fist as he sat waiting in the zebra room, his butt sunken into the well-worn seat. Blaine stood before him, dressed to kill as usual, his black laced eyes remaining on Kurt and Kurt alone. "I wanted to talk to you."

"So you leave my apartment without saying goodbye to me _or_ Landon and then you wait a few days before you decide to show back up again. Interesting." Blaine shut the door behind him, clicking the lock before he sauntered across the room and went to lean against the wall next to the touchscreen. "Cooper told me you were coming. I wasn't expecting it, but it did give me a chance to try out a new dance."

"I think the audience liked it."

"They weren't ready for it. They're not used to that side of me."

"Neither am I."

The younger man snorted, rolling his eyes as he crossed his arms over his bare chest. Kurt swallowed heavily, diverting his eyes from the rippling muscles of his ex's arms down to the gaudy carpeted floor. Blaine hummed for a second, seemingly lost in his thoughts before he finally decided to speak up again. "You know what this room is used for. My boss is gonna kill me if I don't get paid for being back here-"

"I'll pick up the tab. I just want to talk. That's all, nothing more."

"I don't think I could do that stuff with you anyway," Blaine admitted, his voice quiet in the somewhat noisy room. Despite the fact that there was no music going on in their room, the booming sounds of other rooms (as well as the god awful moans) came bleeding through the thin walls, leaving little to their imaginations. However, both men were in a different state of mind. Neither paid much attention to the noise around them; their focus was on each other. No one else. Nothing else.

"Can you sit? You can have this seat if you want. I just- I can't be sitting and talking to you while you're standing."

Turning from side to side, Blaine gauged the floor around him, finally squatting to drop down on his butt to sit. He stretched his booted legs out, fingers scratching at the fishnet material on his thighs before he stilled his nervous hands. It wasn't until he sat down that Kurt noticed his outfit change. Earlier he'd been wearing very little clothing: white shorts, no shoes, messy hair, and his usual makeup. This darker outfit was new. It wasn't like the sultry, fiery outfit Kurt saw during his first time in the zebra room. This screamed _Shadow_.

To Kurt, it looked like Blaine was wearing it as protection. Like his old Warbler blazer, like his Nightbird costume.

"You're not wearing your ring."

Snapped from his thoughts, Kurt looked down at his bare hands, wiggling his fingers as he studied the small indent where his engagement ring used to be. A few hours prior, he slipped it off, tucking it into his suitcase before he left Rachel's and hopped in her car, driving the hour or so needed to get to Blaine's workplace. For days, the ring weighed him down, its cold feeling on his finger driving him nuts. Alex still hadn't called him back, ignoring him to do god knows what, and after a few days of radio silence, Kurt gave up, yanking the god forsaken ring off of his finger. He couldn't look at it, couldn't bare to think about it without getting nauseous. So, he put it away. _Out of sight, out of mind_. "It... it was bothering me."

"It was bothering you? Or was it the fact that wearing it around me bothered you?"

"It's not you. It's me- god, that sounds like a bad break-up line."

"It's better than getting called a bunch of names-"

"Blaine..."

Ducking his head, Blaine pulled his legs up to his chest, resting his forearms on his knees as he stared out at the shagged carpet beneath him. "If you want to get it all out into the open, I'd suggest you start now. I can't be back here for long without someone coming to make sure I'm not screwing around... and I don't mean in _that_ way."

"I don't know where to start. I mean, I _do_ but I... this is really hard."

"Can't be that hard if you're here."

Kurt lifted his eyes, looking down at Blaine for a second before he slid out of the chair and made himself level with his ex, matching Blaine's sitting position before he finally decided that it would be more comfortable to sit crosslegged. Once he was settled, he linked his hands, looking down at his fingers at the indentation on his ring finger that seemed to hurt his eyes to even glance at. "You know... that day we broke up, the dayI broke up with you- it was the biggest mistake of my life. I've done a lot, a _lot_ of stupid things over the last few years, but nothing, _nothing_ compares to what I did to you. _Nothing_." He waited for Blaine to say anything (just in case) before he continued, "I was so stupid back then. I allowed myself to be blinded by jealousy and anger for no reason and I snapped at you. And you didn't deserve that. You didn't."

Blaine remained stoic, gaze focused on the floor and the floor alone as Kurt spoke.

"Blaine, I- that day was one of the worst days of my life. The way I treated you wasn't the way anyone should _ever_ treat their fiance. I didn't... I didn't give you a chance. I didn't let you speak. I just kept on blowing up and then- and then I allowed my friends to think it was your fault we broke up and it wasn't. I was so _stupid_ back then. I let my selfishness get in the way of something perfect and I ruined it. And the worst thing is that I hurt you. I hurt you so badly and you didn't even deserve it.

"You were so good to me in those last months. When we started to fall apart, you gave me space. When I was hurt, you took care of me. When things felt like they were getting tense, you opened up to me. It took a bit out of the both of us, but you were so good. _So_ good. And in a stupid- god, so fucking _stupid_ moment, I let it all go. And for what? _Nothing_. For jealousy. Because I was selfish. I should've listened to you that day. Instead I let my anger get the best of me and instead of taking it out on the people who deserved it, I took it out on you... because it was easier."

The other side of the room was still silent, Blaine sitting with his back pressed against the wall, spine straight as he took in a shaky breath and just _listened_.

Kurt continued, "After you left, I looked for you. We all tried looking for you. Because we realized we fucked up so bad. I didn't think you'd leave and god, I was dumb for thinking that too. That night you called, I told myself that I'd deal with it tomorrow. That I would be ready by then. Fuck, I spent a while trying to coax myself into talking to you again. I was still mad, which was dumb, but I was also kind of embarrassed for how I reacted. Knocking my shit across the room? Childish. Screaming at you? Rude. I snapped at you and let everything get the best of me and then I didn't know how to react after that. I shut myself off from you and it was so fucking dumb because we _just_ talked about how important communication was between us."

"I think that's what hurt me the most," Blaine finally whispered, voice thin and soft. "That even after everything we dealt with, you didn't want to hear me out. It... reminded me of when we broke up the first time. After I cheated, I mean. When you- when you came back to McKinley for _Grease_ and you wouldn't let me explain. I- I could understand it back then because I _cheated_ but during that argument at NYADA? I didn't know what I did wrong. I _still_ don't know what I did wrong."

That _hurt_. It hurt because Blaine was right. Not even Kurt knew what Blaine did wrong; in all actuality, Blaine didn't do a damn thing wrong. That day was all Kurt. At that time, they'd dealt with their communication problems and they were able to solve them _together_ without incident. This time, Kurt acted alone and Blaine was left not knowing what to do. Kurt could understand where his ex was coming from. He understood it wholeheartedly. "You didn't do anything wrong-"

"I mean, I know I stretched the truth about June's motives and the showcase. I _lied_, but I did it to protect you. I was trying to get her to let you in. It was idiotic of me to lie like that, but at the time, I didn't think it was that bad. I've never understood how that was grounds for ending our engagement though. I... know I shouldn't of lied. That was stupid on my part and I am sorry I did, but I wanted to tell you that. You wouldn't listen."

"I know."

"For the longest, I wondered if maybe you were sick of me, like I- like I feared that one time. Right before I left, everyone kept saying that you could do better than me and that you were. Everyone kept talking about our break-up and it's all I heard. They were so- so fucking _mean_ at that place. I can understand being catty in the name of competition, but ruining someone's self esteem? Deliberately destroying them? I'll never understand it."

"I think they prey on the weak-willed. They know who they can take out easily. They go for the top dogs first, ruin them, and then go down the line. That's how you and I became targets."

"Well they got rid of one of us-"

"No. _I_ caused that. Not them. I did it and I'm sorry. God, Blaine, I don't think I could _ever_ express how sorry I am for what I did to you... and ultimately to Landon. I pushed you away when you needed me the most. Those things I said to you that day? They were so awful and I'm so sorry about what I said. I can't take them back, but I want you to know that I never meant them. My anger spoke for me and I... god, this sounds terrible, but I lashed out at you with my words like I promised I'd never do."

Blaine didn't respond. He stretched his legs out and dropped his arms to his sides, tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. With his attention somewhere else, Kurt took a longer look at his ex, studying the various changes in Blaine's body, his gaze weighing in on the light scar that ran right above the waistband of his shorts.

"The night you left, I called everyone I could to see if you could've went to them. Cooper didn't even cross my mind until my dad mentioned he called him-"

"Your dad called Coop?"

"Yeah. Cooper didn't tell him much. Same for me. When I finally got a hold of him, he told me you were okay, but that I should wait for you to contact me. He wouldn't tell me anything after that, not where you were or anything. After that call, I waited, but you never contacted me - of which I understand now. But when I didn't hear from you, I... I gave up."

Bitterly, Blaine grumbled. "Like that was your first time giving up on me."

"Blaine, I- I should've pushed more. I should've-"

"You _should've,_ that's all you have to say, isn't it?"

Quietly. "Yes."

"It's been almost four years since that day. Almost four years ago you decided our love wasn't worth it anymore and you dumped me like yesterday's garbage. You and your friends tossed me out on the curb and left me to fend for myself. I spent weeks trying to figure out what to do or how to win you back. Finally I snapped and I left and now all you and your friends can say is that you _should've_ done this or _should've _done that. You think I don't think about what you _should've_ done? You think I don't think about that at night sometimes? Or that I didn't think of that night after night when I first got here?"

"I- I just-"

"I get it that you have regrets, but honestly, Kurt, I'm over hearing them. You've apologized for what happened. I've heard your case and your remorse, but it's been _years_. I've had almost four years to try to move on. Have I forgiven you and the others for what happened? Hell no, but I've learned to not let it swallow me whole like it did after it first happened. I have a son that needs me more than this drama does. I don't have time for a pity party." He shook his head, smiling weakly. "I've lived every day these last four years by doing things day by day. I let everything swallow me up when I first got here. After Landon was born, I almost lost it several times. I didn't know what to do with a newborn, especially when I was all alone and heartbroken. Finally I started to get the hang of things, but there were times where I'd let my past catch up to me and then I realized that I couldn't let that happen anymore, not when there was someone else in my life that relied on me for _everything_.

"It wasn't until I saw you and the others again that I realized how far I pushed away that pain. I've dealt with quite a few shitty things in my years here, things that I _never_ imagined having to deal with being a dad and everything, but I've pushed them away too. Why? Because Landon needs me to be _alright_. I can't be caught up with the drama. These last few weeks with you all here only opened up a can of worms that I honestly never wanted to deal with ever again. It showed me how much I grew up while the rest of you basically stayed the same." His voice was still quiet, but stern and every word chiseled at Kurt's soul. "I missed you guys so much in the beginning, but seeing you now proved to me that I could be okay without you all in my life. We had great memories back then, but now-"

"What does that mean?" Sniffling, Kurt wiped away the tears that leaked from his stormy grey eyes, throat tightening when Blaine finally _looked _at him.

"It means I don't know what I want now. It means that I know I can do fine without you in my life, but that I'll miss you nonetheless. It means that you can apologize all you want, but what happened back then won't just disappear because you're _sorry_. I can't really forgive you for something that drastically altered my whole life, you know? I can accept your apology and I do, I guess. But what happened really fucked up my life, you understand that, right? I mean, _look_ at me." Blaine gestured to his lack of clothing and fishnet stockings. "Sometimes I wonder how things would've turned out between us if we'd just communicated properly that day. Like, would we be married right now? Would we be successful performers or would you finally understand that fashion is where you'd make your killing? Like, you could be a Broadway star at night and a world class fashion designer or a stylist during the day. As for me, I'd try to do shows and shadow as a dad in my spare time. And Landon? He'd live in a home with two dads like he's supposed to instead of just one that he hardly sees-"

The more he spoke, the worse Kurt felt, his crying now becoming more intense, every splinter of heartbreak pushing its way through him. "God, _Blaine_-"

"I know you came here wanting to talk, but... to me, it feels like I've heard everything. You're sorry. I get that. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I lied back then. I'm sorry for cheating on you back in high school. I still don't think we ever got over that, no matter how much you say you forgave me. We- We're not the people we were back then, Kurt. You're getting married to another man for Christ's sake. You live on the other side of the country and me and Landon are here-"

"It doesn't have to be-"

"Don't go uprooting your life just because you found out you fathered a kid. Landon and I were fine before you came and we'll be okay after you leave." Stretching, Blaine pushed himself up and off the floor, brushing his hands down his bottom and legs to knock off any fuzz or dirt leftover from the disgusting carpet. Kurt did the same, his tears tapering off as he rose to his feet.

"I don't want us to end this way."

"I never said anything about ending anything. I just... I need time. You want to be friends again? I'm not sure I can give that to you. Not yet, at least. You have to understand that there's _years_ of stuff in here," he gestured to his heart, letting his hand rest there as he stepped closer to his emotional ex. "I can't just let you back in because _you_ want me to. I can't let you come sweeping in like you're some sort of hero here to rescue me from whatever it is that you think I need rescued from. I've been on my own for years now. I don't need a hero." Pausing, Blaine stopped in front of Kurt, just inches away from his ex as his former fiance stared down at him intensely. They watched each other closely, barely a hint of space between them as Kurt leaned forward, eyes shutting as he let his mouth press against Blaine's. It was a second of a touch, their lips meeting before Blaine shot back like a light, shaking his head as he stepped back towards the door. "Have a safe flight, okay?"

"Blaine, wait-"

Before anything more could be said, Blaine opened the creaking door and stepped outside into the hall, slamming it shut behind him before he took off to his dressing room, fighting off the crowds of people to get somewhere where he could be _alone_. He made just one pit stop before he fled, handing off something to one of the bartenders. Then once he was hidden away in the safety of the bathrooms, he ducked into a shower stall and let it all go, gasping out his tears as he held his hand to his mouth, mourning for the burn that Kurt's kiss left behind.

Kurt, in the meantime, straightened himself up, steadying his shoulders and wiping away any residual wetness from the corners of his eyes before he left the zebra room and headed towards the exit. He was almost out the door before he heard his name being called, Santana's _friend_ running towards him with a small piece of paper folded between her fingers. "Shadow asked me to give this to you."

Thanking her, Kurt waited until he was outside to open the paper. When he did, he felt his knees grow weak at the words scribbled inside in Blaine's scratchy writing.

_This is for Landon. _After that followed a phone number - _Blaine's_ number.

Smiling sadly, Kurt tucked the note into his pocket and made his way to Rachel's car, the weight on his shoulders still there but much lighter than it had been before. To be truthful, the night he expected was worse than what really happened. In his thoughts, he imagined Blaine to shut him down completely before he kicked Kurt out of his life. However, with that note burning a hole in his pocket with what felt like _progress_, Kurt couldn't help but feel like perhaps things would possibly change one day. With a final look at the club behind him, he placed his hand over his heart and then climbed into the car, driving off into the night, back to Rachel's where he'd gather his bags and later fly back to New York to deal with some leftover baggage there.

* * *

**A/N: I'm thinking there will be another 2-3 chapters before I call it quits with this one. Will it have a happy ending? I'm gonna say it'll have about as happy as an ending as one would expect with two people whose relationship got so jacked up and were later reunited. What does that mean? It means that I'm not saying the ending will be cliche happy or anything. But it won't be bad. That I can promise! So stay tuned! Anyway, please review and let me know you're still here after that hiatus I took (sorry for that, by the way! I got back from vacation, dealt with some friend drama, and then I realized OITNB's new season was up and I had to step away from the internet until I watched the whole damn season. No spoilers for me!)**


	13. Chapter 13

What I Call Life

**Disclaimer: I'm not RIB, so I don't own Glee or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be rich and probably not writing fanfiction! This fic is an MPREG fic obviously. Yay! Oh, and the summary's the word-for-word prompt from blangstpromptoftheday (on tumblr - check them out!) Songs mentioned in this chapter include: _Why Don't You Do Right_ by Amy Irving. I'm not associated with anyone, nor do I own that music. Anyway, I own nothing!**

**A/N: I played with time a little bit in this chapter. Hope that's not a problem.**

* * *

**Late May 2018**

Kurt bustled around his apartment, sketchpad in one hand while he searched for his pencil, eyes scanning the floors as he walked through the study and then back out into the hall. Sketching had been his _thing_ over the last few months ever since he came back to New York. Work was slow since most of his team was off in another country doing photo shoots and fashion shows and Alex _still_ wasn't home, so all Kurt could do get his ideas down onto paper while he waited for his fiance to come back.

_There might be some extras in one of these boxes_, he thought to himself, gazing down at one of the (many) piles of cardboard boxes that were scattered around the apartment. They were filled to the brim with _his _things, all ready to go once he hashed out his situation with Alex. When he got back to the east coast and stepped into the door of his apartment, he dropped his ring on the kitchen counter and got to packing, stuffing his clothing and other items into packages to be shipped out later. He also started apartment shopping for something temporary while he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. Because, honestly, while he'd been living in New York for _years_ now, his home felt elsewhere.

It felt like it was back in California in a small two bedroom apartment.

Those feelings had been growing stronger as of late. When Kurt first got back to New York, he'd expected to not hear from Blaine at all. Even though his ex had given him his number for _Landon's_ sake, Kurt was afraid to use it because he didn't want to hound Blaine any longer, not after what he and his friends did the first few weeks after they found Blaine. However, just five days _after_ he came home, he woke up one late morning to hear his phone going off. A random number was facetiming him and when he finally answered it, onscreen popped up his ex's face. Within seconds, their son entered the picture and when he saw a sleepy-eyed Kurt staring back at them, he squealed, waving his tiny hands as he began to talk a mile a minute to the _Mister Kurt who he missed so much!_ After that conversation and after Landon rushed off to find his newest workbook so he could show Kurt, Blaine apologized for calling him so early (even though it was only _early_ in Cali and had been pretty late in NYC.) When it came down to it, after Kurt's disappearance that night, Landon had been heartbroken that he'd never said goodbye, so he wanted to contact his newest friend, bugging Blaine over and over to call Kurt until finally Blaine relented and gave his toddler what he wanted. That's why Kurt's phone rang that morning...

...and it had been ringing like that ever since.

It was almost a _daily_ thing between them now. Kurt's phone would go off and he'd answer it to find Landon waving at him, mouth open and ready to tell him a million stories about his day and what he and his daddy had for breakfast or lunch or what they saw when they were at the market. Other people probably would've found the daily calls excessive (sometimes there were more than one a day) but Kurt didn't mind. In fact, whenever they _didn't_ call was when he worried himself sick, wondering if some asshole out there hurt Blaine at work and poor little Landon was stuck staying with Avery while Blaine recuperated. However, those thoughts were all for naught because Blaine had been there to oversee the conversation between Landon and Kurt every time and while it took him a while to open up again, soon he _too_ was talking just as much as their son whenever he and Kurt had the chance to talk. Sometimes he'd vent about work, complain about a customer only to blush to the tip of his ears when he remembered _who_ it was that he was grumbling to. On those days, Kurt's heart would throb behind his ribcage because this was like the old Blaine, the one he'd loved so much before he brutally broke him down. Slowly but surely it seemed like Blaine was letting Kurt back in, though Kurt wasn't even sure if his ex knew it yet. That was okay though; Kurt would take whatever he could get if it meant being back in Blaine's life again... for good, that is.

With a deep sigh, he plopped down on the couch and tossed his sketchpad to the side, now done with wanting to draw since his pencils had gone missing and he didn't feel like looking for them any longer. Yawning, he laid down on the sofa, stretching his legs out while he crossed his arms over his belly and thought about the weeks to come. He'd been home for a few months now, having landed back in the city at the very beginning of March, and he'd been expecting Alex to come home shortly after. But his fiance called to inform him that he was being shuttled off to Rome for a few weeks followed by another on-location shoot in Beijing. Every time Kurt tried to talk to him after that (because the more Alex was away, the angrier Kurt got that the other man wouldn't give him the time of day so they could _talk_), he got shut down, side-swiped by excuses and complaints that Kurt never _listened_ to him... and the more that happened, the more Kurt found himself _hating_ the man he was once supposed to be married to.

But, not anymore! He couldn't stand Alex any longer. The more he thought about the man he was engaged to, the dumber he felt about himself. Alex was pompous and self-centered. He thought money was the key to love and that sex was the most important thing in their relationship. Hell, when Kurt thought about it, he wondered how in the world the other man was fairing over there on the other side of the world when he'd been away from Kurt. Because when he was home, he was on Kurt all the time, pawing at him and picking him up to carry to bed. The man was a sex fiend - that's what attracted Kurt in the beginning because at that time, he just wanted to _feel_ something - and to know that he was off in some foreign place without his fiance suddenly got the gears turning in Kurt's head.

Maybe Alex was cheating on him? He probably was. He'd been so secretive as of late, so there was _something_ going on and it was _strange_.

As he stayed lost in his thoughts about the last year (and especially the last few months), he found himself being shaken out of his haze when the sound of his phone ringing triggered him back to reality. On the coffee table sat the device, its screen somewhat blurry with _Blaine's_ name on the top requesting a facetime session with him. Smiling, Kurt accepted the call, settling back on the sofa with a brighter grin as his ex's face materialized before him, Landon hopping into the shot seconds later. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The duo yelled, laughing when Kurt jumped a bit from the surprise.

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing his free hand to his chest as he struggled to contain his breathing. The boys before him beamed with their matching grins, Landon launching into a rousing rendition of the birthday song while Blaine hummed along quietly. As they serenaded him, Kurt's eyes watered in thought with the usual _this could have been mine _idea_, _something that he thought about almost daily when the tiny family called him all the way from Cali. He nodded his head along with the lyrics, biting his lip as Landon swiped the phone from his daddy when they were done to rush across the room and show Kurt a picture he'd drawn for his newest _bestest_ friend. On the paper was a picture of a cake; it was bright blue with multicolored flowers and a candle. Standing beside it was a stick figure with brown spiky hair and blue eyes and beside _that_ stick figure were two others wearing party hats, one with brown hair and green eyes and the other with black hair and brown eyes.

"That's you and that's me and that's daddy!" Landon said softly, pointing at each respective stick figure in the picture. "That's your cake! This is your present," his little finger pressed against a sticker that had been stuck on the page next to the cake - it was a car. "We got you a car!"

"Well thank you. I love cars."

"You're welcome." Within seconds, Landon had handed the phone back to Blaine, climbing into his dad's lap as Blaine situated the camera so that the two of them were on Kurt's screen.

"Have any plans for your birthday?"

"Well," Kurt started, sinking down into the thick sofa cushions, "I plan on ordering some take out, baking myself a cake, and then I'm gonna eat every single bite of that food by myself until I burst. I'm probably gonna gain a hundred pounds but whatever, it's my birthday. I don't care."

"What else are you supposed to do on your birthday anyway? Eating's the best part." Blaine commented, smirking as Kurt smiled back.

"You know it."

For a second, they sat there silently, Kurt staring at Blaine as the other man obviously stared back. _That_ was something new to them too (or at least to Kurt) because ever since they started their daily phone calls, Blaine had become more... relaxed with everything. At first, it was hard for him to keep eye contact during their conversations and Landon had been the main focus throughout it all. Then as the weeks went by, he began talking more and then the camera stayed on him a little longer and his eyes stayed on Kurt's more. Before Kurt knew it, it was like he was having a conversation with his _boyfriend_ again. Because this Blaine acted a lot like the Blaine Kurt knew before they brutally broke up. This Blaine was becoming more comfortable with everything and when it came down to it, that's all that mattered to Kurt. That's all he wanted: for Blaine to be _comfortable_ with him again.

For the next hour or so, the small _family_ talked to one another, Landon giggling over Kurt's tale of running into an alley cat the night before on his way home from dinner with Sam and Mercedes while Blaine (showing off his daddy caretaker skills) quietly asked him if he was alright and if he properly cleaned the scratch on his ankle. Because, according to him, _the last thing Kurt needed to get was cat scratch fever_.

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly, "Is that even a real thing?"

"I don't know, but you can still get sick from being scratched by a dirty cat, so make sure you keep that wound clean. And I mean _constantly_, Kurt. Don't wipe it off and ignore it. You have a habit of acting like some of your injuries aren't as bad as they usually are and then-" He froze, a frown dusting his features for just a second as he realized exactly _what _he was doing. "Sorry. I just-"

"It's okay," Kurt reassured with a smile, catching his ex's eye for just a second before Blaine ducked his head in embarrassment. Patiently, Kurt waited for him to speak again, not about to bumrush the other man whenever Blaine got like that; he'd stay silent for a while until Blaine started to talk again - that or whenever Landon decided to interrupt, but until then, he'd wait for Blaine to say something. He always did whenever something like that happened.

"Oh my god, just kiss already!" A voice added from the doorway and Kurt's eyes widened as Cooper suddenly jumped into the shot, plucking Landon from Blaine's lap as he climbed into the little boy's previous spot, making Blaine groan as his legs got squished beneath his heavy brother. "Hey Kurt, how's it goin'?"

"Pretty good. I'm bored out of my mind, but whatever. How are you?"

"I'm just fine and dandy! Saw your friend Rachel the other day. Think I'm gonna be on her show, so thanks for putting in a good word for me! There's not a concrete role for me yet, but I'm pretty sure I'd do a fabulous job at being her main love interest. Or I could be like a sexy professor or something that she lusts after the whole show. I'm good at those roles - I mean, _look at me_!" The older man kept rambling on, ignoring Blaine's grumbles of discomfort while Kurt snickered at him and Landon stared at him curiously.

"What's _sexy_ mean?" The toddler asked, sparking Blaine into action as the father shoved his brother off of his lap and swept up his son into his arms, also stealing his phone back from Coop in the process. "Daddy will explain that to you later, sweetheart. Now let's say bye-bye to Kurt so we can let him get back to his birthday plans and _you_ can get your bath."

Landon frowned, obviously not wanting to end the phone conversation with the man on the other line. Turning, he pouted into the camera, hamming it up a little more when Kurt cooed at his adorable face. "Bye Mister Kurt. Happy birthday!"

"Thank you, cutie pie. I appreciate it."

"I love you!"

"Love you too," Kurt breathed, heart bouncing around in his chest whenever his son said those beautiful words to him. He'd been doing it for a while now, one day just throwing it out there before Blaine ended their phone call. That day had been a shocker for Kurt because he didn't know how to handle it and Blaine didn't either because he didn't call Kurt for almost a week after that. It was the longest break between their calls and that week scared Kurt more than anything because he was sure that Blaine wouldn't come back after that. However, about a week to the day after Landon first said _I love you_, Blaine facetimed Kurt and they went back to their usual discussions; no mention of Landon's words was brought up ever again and still to that day, Kurt couldn't figure out if Blaine was okay with it all or if he just let it happen because it already did. "Have fun today, you guys."

Blaine smiled at him. It was faint and shy like always, but any time he did it, Kurt's body warmed all over. "Don't get too wild today. Also make sure you take care of that scratch. We don't want it getting infected."

"Yes sir!" Mock saluting, Kurt cackled out a laugh when Blaine flipped him off. With another soft salutation, they ended their call, Kurt dropping his phone on the ground as he laid back on the sofa and stared up at the pure white ceiling. It was his birthday, he was all alone in his apartment, and he wished he was back on the other coast of the US with the two (well, _three_ if you counted Cooper) people he wanted to be with the most.

::::::::::

"You called him on _this_ day of all days? Really?"

"It's his birthday and Landon wanted to wish him a happy one."

"Oh, so _Landon_ wanted to call him? I see-"

"Shut up, Cooper."

"Seriously though... today of all days? Usually on this day, you sing a few angry break-up songs and then we go out to eat and celebrate the day you came to California-"

"Technically I came to Cali the day after, but I made the decision on this date-"

"Whatever, squirt. _Anyway_ I guess I'm just shocked that you spoke to him today. Usually this day really messes with you."

"Well, I also spoke to him on the four year anniversary that he ended our engagement and broke my heart and that didn't kill me, so obviously I'm fine."

"I never said you weren't fine."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to give my son a bath and then we'll be ready to go, so make yourself comfortable or something." On that parting note, Blaine turned on his heel, swiped up Landon from his place in front of the television, and disappeared down the hall, leaving Cooper standing there bewildered and slightly concerned for his younger brother's mental state.

::::::::::

**May 27, 2014**

_Blaine stood in the doorway, hiding in the shadows as he listened to his two (former) friends gather up their stuff on their way out the door. Mercedes was asking Sam if he grabbed everything, if he grabbed the gift bags and cards that had been sitting on the stand in the entrance way, and Blaine could hear the rustling of paper as whatever she was acquiring about was picked up from where they laid. After a moment, Sam confirmed that he had them in his hands and Mercedes said something about how she had whatever food they were bringing and then they were gone, the door slamming shut behind them with a finality that made Blaine's already broken heart shatter just a little more._

_They didn't even see if he wanted to go._

_He knew he wasn't invited, that much was evident in the way everyone acted around him over the last few weeks, but he thought that maybe, just _maybe _he could come along as Kurt's _friend_ to celebrate his once lover's big birthday. He was 21 now, legal to drink and do whatever he wanted basically, but instead of having a big party, Kurt was just having something over at the loft for his closest friends._

_Blaine wasn't included in that, not anymore._

_Over the last week, people had been in and out of his apartment, whispering to each other about Kurt's birthday dinner when they knew damn well that Blaine could hear them. Sometimes they'd sit in the living room and laugh about whatever they had planned while Blaine was standing _right there, _only to be glared at by Rachel or Santana like he was in the one intruding when they were up in _his_ space. It had been like that for weeks and now it was the inevitable day... and Blaine was left out of the festivities._

_He did wonder, however, if Sam grabbed the card he tucked into the pile of presents out in the hall. Even if he wasn't invited to Kurt's birthday, he wanted to get him something._

_But when he walked into the foyer and saw his card sitting all by itself on the side table, he knew it was all for naught._

_Shaking his head, he picked up the card and stormed off to his room, throat locked tight as the painful sobs he wanted to unleash threatened to rip out of his chest. When he stepped into his bedroom, he tore the envelope open and shredded the card (and the note inside) into a thousand itty bitty pieces, tossing the confetti of paper into the bin beside his desk. The gift card he planned on giving Kurt went back into his wallet and then he pulled his legs to his chest, finally letting out all the angry tears he'd been holding back as he cried over how unfair everything was. He felt _terrible_, felt _betrayed_, and while his _friends_ were busy celebrating Kurt's life at the loft across town, he felt like running away._

_Like he could just... disappear._

::::::::::

"Hey babe!"

Kurt rolled his eyes, sitting up as he listened to his (still) fiance ramble on and on about how busy he was, not once allowing Kurt to get a word in. He hadn't even had the chance to say hello; it was just Alex saying hi and then he started talking. _Blah blah blah blah blah._ As the other man continued on and on, Kurt tilted his head back and closed his eyes, ignoring the bragging tone that his fiance had as he told Kurt about how they'd jetsetted from Beijing to Tokyo and would be coming back home to the states sometime within the next few days. "So where are you now?" He finally interrupted, listening as his former lover sighed heavily.

"Still in Japan. Doing some sightseeing here for the next day or two and then we'll be flying to Hollywood or something. I don't know. No one ever tells me anything." Within seconds, Alexander's voice dropped a little lower, growing syrupy like thick honey. "I can't wait to get back home to you, baby. I swear, I'm gonna bend you over the sofa the second we walk in that door and you won't be able to walk for a week after I'm done. Like, remember that time I came back from Rio-"

"Yeah. I know. I remember," Kurt said softly, rolling his eyes as he ran his fingers over a loose thread in one of the throw pillows beside him. Every time Alex brought up that situation, it made Kurt remember the early days of their relationship when things seemed so fresh and new and exciting. That moment he spoke of was something that happened not long after they started dating _before_ Kurt got to know the man that liked to leave him behind while he traveled and had fun. Together they'd only been on a handful of trips, just week long stays in different cities. Sometimes Alex (while he was away) would send Kurt on spa trips as one of his apology gifts, but he _never_ took Kurt with him on his month (plus) long business adventures. And those were quite plentiful.

So, to hear him talk about coming home to Kurt and being so excited about it made the younger man want to scream. Because for the first time in a _long_ time, he slowly began to realize that his fiance had been playing him. He was able to rush off and have a good time while Kurt was stuck at home. He was able to do whatever the fuck he wanted and he expected Kurt to be waiting up for him whenever he got home _months_ and _months _later. Kurt's feelings didn't really matter at all in this situation and it pissed him off to no end.

Because at one time he had someone who treated him like a king, someone who loved him unconditionally, and he ruined that only to fall into a relationship with someone who threw money and gifts at him like he was some kind of trophy spouse. _Disgusting_.

"Anyway, Kurt, I have to go! Derek and the rest of the crew want to go out for sushi and I'm starving - haven't eaten _all_ day, so I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you!" Before Kurt could even get another word in, his fiance ended the call, leaving Kurt hanging. Frustrated, the other man tossed his phone to the other side of the couch and groaned in anger, annoyed that he still didn't have a definite date of when Alex was coming back so he could tell him off and break up with him once and for all.

There _was_ one thing, however, that the man _did_ notice about the conversation he had with his fiance - not once had Alexander wished him a happy birthday. Unlike Blaine and Landon who specifically called him for that very reason, Alex called to talk to him about sex and coming home without even giving Kurt a date to expect him back. There was no _happy birthday, baby_ or _what are your plans for tonight_ discussion; it was all about _him_ and Kurt was livid.

::::::::::

"I _hate_ tourists," Kong grumbled, sliding past Blaine as he began to tear off his first outfit and shimmy into another one. They were a few hours into their shift, having done a few performances for an unruly crowd of men, and were now getting ready to go back out there and do another. Outside, they could hear the cheers of the obnoxious cretins waiting for them to come back and Blaine sighed, tugging his lower eyelid down a little to finish sweeping some thick black liner along his lash line.

"Most of our clientele _are_ tourists-"

"Hence the _I hate tourists_ quip, Shadow." Still muttering under his breath, Kong disappeared into the bathroom and left Blaine by himself in the dressing area, the other man still busy redoing his make-up. Once that was all finished, he stepped back and uncapped his edible body glitter, dipping his kabuki brush in it before he swept it along his shoulders, the apples of his cheeks, and into other various dips in his body. The moonlight colored shimmer sparkled in the dim backstage lights, giving off just enough shine to make him look _sinful_, so he adjusted his booty shorts and ran a hand through his hair, all ready to go. Before he stepped out, he popped a few mints into his mouth and then rushed out the door, his heavy boots clacking against the concrete as he ran to his post onstage.

For only being a couple of hours into his shift that night, he _knew_ it was going to be a much longer, _harder_ evening for him.

For one, he was still reflecting on what Cooper told him earlier that day about the anniversary of the night he came to Los Angeles. Technically the real anniversary was tomorrow, but the catalyst of that occurred on Kurt's birthday, which was today, and after he'd spoken to Kurt on his birthday for the first time in _years, _Blaine couldn't help but feel strange about the whole situation. For the longest he told himself that he wasn't about to let Kurt back in because he was scared to death of him still. No matter what, there was always going to be a part of him that still had feelings for Kurt, but he always thought that part was small, almost non-existent after what happened between the two of them. However, over the last few months with their daily conversations and watching Kurt and Landon together, Blaine found himself in quite a bit of a conundrum. He _missed_ Kurt and he missed _them_ and _that_ was dangerous thinking.

Way too dangerous.

He couldn't let himself be dragged into Kurt's grasp, not anymore. Night after night he told himself to remember the pain he'd been in all those years ago, to remember how hard it was being alone. But, _god_ he'd been alone for so long and all of a sudden the one person he'd ever loved so much was back in his life. His heart (and mind) were screaming at him to go back, but he couldn't let that happen. It had only been months since they were reunited, only a few months since he saw Kurt across the room in that stupid fucking sash that announced he'd moved on enough to get engaged to another man. It wasn't that long since that fateful day and, truthfully, Blaine had been on his own raising his son _longer_ than he ever was in a relationship with Kurt.

It should've been easier to _want_ to be alone, but it wasn't and _that's_ what plagued him.

Sucking in a deep breath, he pushed the curtain aside and stepped back onstage, the ecstatic yells of his customers filling his ears as he waltzed forward seductively, his voice slipping out low and sultry as he sang along to the song he was about to dance to.

_You had plenty money 1922  
You let other women make a fool of you  
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?  
Get out of here, get me some money too_

The audience went silent as he sang, watching him with wide eyes as he sashayed through the crowd and flirted with the patrons, giving a little bit of extra attention to those who held out the bigger bills (which, surprisingly enough, consisted of quite a few of the gentlemen at one table in particular. To Blaine, they looked like hot shot producers, but he wasn't about to dwell on it, just taking their money before he went on to the next.) He let his voice speak for him, holding out the notes as he smiled sexually and wrapped himself around one of the blushing men before him. Across the way, he could spot a guy watching him with that _look_, one that he saw every once in a while that usually screamed _ZEBRA ROOM_ at him. He knew what that look meant and he knew by the end of the evening, he'd have his hand wrapped around that stranger's cock... unfortunately.

_Now if you had prepared twenty years ago  
You wouldn't be a-wanderin' now from door to door  
Why don't you do right, like some other men do?  
Get out of here, get me some money too _

Glancing up, he caught Vinny's eye as he made his way to where the bedroom-eyed patron sat; his boss was giving him the signal, telling him to swoop down and get that guy so he'd make more money, so Blaine did as he was expected, sauntering over to the grinning man as he sang the last few bits of the song. Licking his lips, he climbed into the mystery man's lap, ignoring the fact that the dude immediately put his sweaty hands on his thighs, and he purred out the last lines, body pressed extremely close to the handsy man beneath him.

_Why don't you do right, like some other men do?_

"You're fucking _gorgeous_," the man panted, holding out a few hundred dollar bills that Blaine gladly took from his fingers. With a smirk, Shadow slid off the man's lap and trailed his finger down the gentleman's collar, twisting around to give the man a full-on view of his partially clothed ass. He started to wander off, just inches away from the guy when he heard him ask another one of the dancers how he could have one-on-one time with Shadow, just like he expected. _Hook, line, and sinker._

"So, how'd it go?" Kong asked him once he came back into the dressing room. Blaine took one look at his co-worker and began rubbing a towel over his legs where his customer's hands had been earlier; they still felt sticky from his sweat and it creeped Blaine out.

"I hate tourists too."

Kong roared with laughter.

::::::::::

_A lonely birthday... all my myself!_

Kurt took a sip of his wine and stared out the window, looking at the brightness of nighttime NYC as everyone below him enjoyed the beautiful May evening. It was slightly cool out, the twilight air crisp and refreshing, but he wasn't enjoying it. In fact, he'd been _in_ all night, eating a store bought cake from the bakery down the street as well as an obscene pile of Thai takeout while he mourned for how _bored_ he was. The birthday before, he'd spent it with his friends since Alex was busy. Hell, every birthday before that, he'd done the same. Now, however, he was stuck in his apartment all alone; Rachel was in Cali, Sam and Mercedes were busy for the evening, Santana was running around with Brittany somewhere, and he and Artie weren't as close as they used to be, so he was basically by himself. The whole night, he wished he was still in LA. Even if he wasn't able to be with Blaine and Landon, he still would've liked to spend the evening with Rachel or something. Hell, he'd even hang out with Cooper. Whatever he could get.

But instead he was sitting in his apartment all by his lonesome, nursing a bottle of wine while he sat amongst a pile of boxes that were destined to be moved out shortly. _As soon as his fiance came home, that is_.

_He_ was one of the reasons Kurt was drinking so much that night. Because after their pathetic conversation earlier (where Alex didn't even acknowledge his birthday at all), Kurt started _thinking_ about what his soon-to-be-ex fiance said earlier. Nothing seemed to add up. Alex was somewhere in Japan, but_ supposedly _he hadn't eaten all day even though when he called Kurt, it was well into the early morning in Tokyo. It seemed strange to hear the other man say he hadn't eaten, only for Kurt to remember that at the time they talked on the phone, it was around three in the morning in Tokyo and Alex _hated_ eating late, no matter where he was at. Plus the noises in the background were fishy, much too loud for a hotel room at that late hour.

Nothing meshed together right. It was like Alex was _lying_ to him and all that did was piss Kurt off further. Because even though he was planning on breaking up with his fiance soon (_very_ soon), he still didn't deserve being _lied_ to. He deserved the truth; he deserved respect.

Tilting his head back, he downed the last few sips of his wine and began calling Alex, glaring at his phone as he waited for his fiance to _pick the fucking phone up_. He was over the lies and the waiting and everything. He was over being treated like he was second best and he couldn't wait for the other man to just come the fuck home. He wanted to end it _now_ and he was going to.

_If his fiance would just pick up the phone first..._

::::::::::

"You know, I've had men all over the world but none of them are as beautiful as you."

Blaine rolled his eyes as he shut the door behind him, clicking the lock into place before he took a few steps forward and came a little closer to the seated gentleman before him. It was the guy from earlier, the man who he gave a little bit of a _taste_ to before, the one Vinny spotted and sent him after knowing damn well that this guy would want whatever _Shadow_ was sellin'. It was evident by said guy sitting in the zebra chair that he obviously wanted Shadow like everyone expected and unfortunately for Blaine, it looked like this fella was a douche canoe times a thousand. "I bet you say that to all the boys."

"I'm well traveled, but I do enjoy home cookin', if you know what I mean."

"American boys?"

"You bet."

"Where are you visiting from anyway? You don't sound like a native Californian."

"Ahh," the man started, smiling wide enough to show off his unnaturally whitened teeth. He was gorgeous, Blaine would give him that much, but he seemed like a complete tool. "I'm from New York, the _Big_ Apple. I'm a photographer for some of the biggest magazines. You're probably heard of them? Vogue, Elle-" He rattled off more and more, not paying attention to the fact that Blaine was ignoring him.

_What a pompous dick,_ Blaine thought to himself, flicking his fingers over the touchscreen to find a song that would keep him occupied enough that he wouldn't have to pay much attention to the talkative guy he'd be giving a handjob to. Behind him, the man kept on jabbering, running a hand through his thick hair as he stared Blaine down. His pants were already tented due to his erection and occasionally, he'd palm it, smiling up at Blaine as he did so. _Gross._ "Any particular requests?"

"You could sing to me while you're doing this. Your boss mentioned that you'll only do handies, which is a _damn_ shame because you've got a _perfect_ mouth-"

Blaine gave another eye roll, picking a random sexy instrumental to play in the background before he turned back and waltzed his way towards his seated client. His fingers quickly made work of the man's zipper, freeing him enough to show off the fact that the big talker decided to go commando. At once, his length popped out of its restraints and Blaine bit his lip, somewhat impressed at the man's length.

"Like what you see?"

"It's... nice."

"Bet it'd feel great between your-" His sentence went unfinished as the buzzing of a cell phone interrupted him, causing the guy to curse under his breath as he went to ignore the call. "Sorry about that. Now where were we?"

"Well, I was about to-" The phone buzzed again, making Blaine frown as he watched his customer yank the device (which just so happened to be one that Blaine would _never_ be able to afford on his pay) out of his back pocket and carelessly toss it on the floor. It landed next to Blaine's leg, screen side up, and for a second, Blaine thought it might've cracked with how hard it hit the ground. However, everything looked fine as he took a closer look at it, one hand slowly wrapping around his client's length to keep him occupied while he looked at the phone.

_Nothing_ would've prepared him for what he saw next.

The phone was still on, background lit up as it brightened up a dark spot beneath the chair where it partially sat. The background was hard to make out at first, but when Blaine took a better look at it, he realized it was a photo of a _very_ familiar silhouette. Shocked, his breath froze in his throat, hand still robotically moving as he stared down at the phone in front of him. It was _Kurt_ onscreen, body hidden in the shadows, completely nude but with his back facing the camera in what was a rather _tasteful_ shot. His head was turned, showing off his strong profile and he had his eyes closed. To the untrained eye, it probably looked like a photo of a random male model, but Blaine _knew_ that body, knew that _face_. It was Kurt through and through.

Mesmerized by it all, he almost missed the phone starting to buzz again, its sound muffled by the shag carpet it sat on. Its noise was so soft that Blaine's client had no idea it was ringing again, but to be truthful, Blaine was glad he didn't notice - it gave him a better chance to look. At the top of the screen read the name _Kurt_ and once again, Blaine's heart stopped beating, panic lacing up his spine as he took a long look at the man he was touching. Was this Kurt's fiance? Was this _Alex_? His mind raced over the idea that he could be possibly be aiding in Kurt's fiance _cheating_ on him.

Part of him felt like he was going to puke over it all and the other felt like standing up and punching this dude directly in the face. However, a smaller, more rational part told him to not jump to conclusions, that maybe this was all a misunderstanding and that this guy had a picture of Kurt on his phone because he'd done a photo shoot with him once before. Maybe things weren't as they seemed? It couldn't be such a small world that his strip club would be the one that both Kurt _and_ his fiance happened to visit, could it? There was no way.

_Just leave it, Blaine. This isn't your battle, this isn't your business. If this is Kurt's fiance, then this is his fight to deal with. You don't have anything to do with this man minus this handjob. Just get it over with and move on. The faster you're out of here, the faster you can put this all behind you._ His hand inched over, itching to answer the call, but he was terrified to do so. Because what if it _was_ Kurt on the other line? Then what?

_Don't do it, Blaine. Leave it! If this is Kurt's fiance and he's _cheating_ on him, that's Kurt's problem! You don't owe him shit, remember? He hurt you. Karma's a bitch, remember? He's finally getting his._

Except when Blaine thought about it, he couldn't help but remember how awful Kurt felt after _he _cheated on him. It was Blaine's worst mistake ever and one that he regretted still to this very day and he _hated _the fact that this dude, this _asshole, _could possibly be Kurt's fiance and be _cheating_ on him. Because no matter what happened between them in the past, Kurt didn't deserve _this_ again. _He didn't._ Ignoring his screaming conscience, Blaine did his own thing, silencing his brain's yells to stop as he swiped his finger over the accept call button and watched as the call connected. Before whoever was on the other line had a chance to speak, he muted the call, pressing the index finger of his free hand to his mouth to shush the person. His heart was _pounding_ violently behind his ribcage, bile rising in his throat as he waited for the screen to finally load and when it did, he felt his body prickle with indescribable pain.

Because, as he sadly expected, it _was_ Kurt on the other line... and when it was _Blaine's_ made-up face staring back at him instead of Alex's, the other man's face _fell_.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you thought! Reviews give me LIFE.**


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